Young Writers Society

Hey Rinisha! I'm going to leave a super quick review using the YWS S'more Method today!

I've gotta say, I really love this story. Yes, it's really sad, but it has so much meaning to it, and how you described it is really elaborate and well done!

Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
In this story, we learn about Lady Ishvani, an amazing actress and dancer who is known for her skill and radiating beauty. But at the end, we found out that it's actually covering up the pain she feels inside, because she has to take care of her children all alone, and this is the only way to take care of them.

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
I have one comment,

The blood-red lipstick is lined up precisely along with her eye pencil and eye-shadow.

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This is a really powerful little piece here. I think you've tapped into a little backwater of just how a scarily large number of people sometimes have to go about their life, conducting an act to the world at large when really their being destroyed on the inside.

Anyway let's get right to it,

She exhaled, the adrenaline in her blood soaring and she opened her eyes again. As long red curtains slowly slid aside, her heart quickened. A large crowd of spectators stared at her. She could hear thunderous applause, but she did not focus on it. She stood in the middle of the stage with her hands extended to the ceiling and her back arched. She stared at the wooden tiles for several seconds.

After which the lights on the stage turned bright and the rhythm of the softly playing music began to pulse inside her. Her foot tapped on the floor and, five six seven eight. She loosened up as the classical music whispered in her ears, she began to dance. She danced as if no one was watching and she was alone there. She made her body glide through the tones of the music. Her hair trotted beautifully behind her. The music flowed through her body and the calm rhythm enhanced her great mood. She carefully let her left foot slide forward and the other backwards then she dropped very low so that the skirt of her dress touched the stage. She took a deep breath and stood up again. She swung out her arms and her body swayed back and forth perfectly, right before she leapt into the air. Her dress swirled around her and for a moment it looked like she was flying... but then the ground came back up beneath her.

The story was portrayed with so much life that it made some people emotional. Many people had seen this performance several times, but they still came back.

Her fingers snapped twice in the air and then her elbows turned perfectly rhyming with her feet, which left a loud cry on the ground. Her eyes are dark in colour and her lips press together gently. The blood-red lipstick is lined up precisely along with her eye pencil and eye-shadow. The necklace rests quietly around her neck and on her cheekbones. Her waist jerks vividly outwards and her. You can see her midriff peaking out from the open pieces of her dress.

Her arms leaving her body as the music grew louder, she did a pirouette and then another and then another. She finally stopped now at the end of the stage and exhaled. She stared at them, all one by one, the mass of spectators. All here to see lady Ishvani perform. She smiled at everyone and took a rich bow.

Lady Ishvani's smile faded as soon as she entered the dressing room.

Her eyes filled with tears as she removed her make-up and took off her beautiful dress. She knew her audience only saw her as the radiant and talented actress she was on stage, but in reality, her life had been destroyed. She had a secret life that no one knew about except her little brother and her child. Her parents had died years ago and her child had been born from a relationship with a man who had left her as soon as he heard she was pregnant. Lady Ishvani now had to take care of both her child and her little brother, and her acting career was the only way to do that.

But the more she performed, the more she realised that her success and public image were just a mask for her unbearable pain and grief. No one knew her real story, no one knew that she sometimes cried on her own and begged for a way out of her miserable life. She was trapped in a world she could not escape from, and she knew it would only get worse. Her performance that night was not enough to make her forget what was waiting for her offstage. And so she remained locked in her own tragic story, a story no one would ever know.

Hello this is Foxmaster!!!
This was so sad! The way that you started the story making everything sound so beautiful and perfect, and the ending just sneaks up on you, that was so unexpected! Just a few problems:

Her fingers snapped twice in the air and then her elbows turned perfectly rhyming with her feet, which left a loud cry on the ground. Her eyes are dark in colour and her lips press together gently. The blood-red lipstick is lined up precisely along with her eye pencil and eye-shadow. The necklace rests quietly around her neck and on her cheekbones. Her waist jerks vividly outwards and her. You can see her midriff peaking out from the open pieces of her dress.

Her arms leaving her body as the music grew louder, she did a pirouette and then another and then another. She finally stopped now at the end of the stage and exhaled. She stared at them, all one by one, the mass of spectators. All here to see lady Ishvani perform. She smiled at everyone and took a rich bow.

This short story is very well written. When I read the end it really made me surprised and as I read through the segment about her feelings after the performance I almost cried myself. From what I could interpret, it was saying that many people have a mask in front of strangers and friends and can forget that they have a terrible life personally. This is something common amongst people and it usually goes unnoticed.

Beautiful descriptions here. You definitely hit on the emotional stress of living a double life-a beautiful actress for everyone to watch and marvel at and also a abandoned mother. Yet, despite these difficulties, she is strong. She supports her family and herself, and she lives through these performances even though it is subtly implied that perhaps she does not like selling herself away as she does in her acting.

I would like to point out one little error, though. Throughout the piece, you use present tense, but in one section, you make an abrupt switch to present tense as seen here: "Her eyes are dark in colour and her lips press together gently. The blood-red lipstick is lined up precisely along with her eye pencil and eye-shadow. The necklace rests quietly around her neck and on her cheekbones." etc. Just switch those present-tense verbs to past tense, and the problem will be fixed.

Happy writing,
Kaia