z
  • Home

Young Writers Society

It's Gift Giving Day! You can send up to 4 more free gift(s)! 534 gifts have so far been given away! Just 847 minutes remaining...

Give a gift Give a gift to a random person More Info View the rankings


Who Is Going To Save Rapunzel?

by NadyaStatham


Once upon a time, there lived a diligent young girl named Sasha. At seventeen, she found herself orphaned, her yellow-reddish hair shined as bright as her spirit.

Sasha did laundry services door to door for a living, ‘Knock! Knock! Laundry Services - Washing and Drying for 7 pennies.’ she then said warmly with a smile.

Then you had two types of people who answered: You had the angry kind, ‘It’s 6 o’clock! Get some sleep, girl!’ and you had the other type of angry, ‘It’s 6 o’clock, I want them back by 6 in the evening, girl!’ They said and then shoved a pile of dirty laundry in her hands.

Sasha accepted the work with a smile and walked with some piles of clothes towards the river bank. There she diligently started scrubbing on the stones, slamming the clothes on the stones and rinsing them in the water.

Afterwards she hung them on the trees of the forest nearby. Around twelve o’clock she had hung all the clothes and her stomach was now rumbling like thunder itself.

Sasha was kind hearted but she didn’t have a lot of money herself, so she took a stroll a little deeper in the forest to search for some wild nuts and fruits.

After eating she tied her hair in a knot and went back to town, where she hopped towards the bakery. There she entered the shop and greeted the baker who always seemed to get her name wrong with a smile only to get an apron thrown in her face. ‘Get kneading Samantha!’ the baker shouted as he marched towards the oven. ‘It’s Sasha.’ she then said and walked to the kitchen.

Sasha worked the entire afternoon and when it was five o’clock she swept the bakery and closed the windows. There were some leftovers, so Sasha packed them.

The baker then shouted, ‘Sarah, what are you doing?’ while placing his hands on his hips.

‘Mr Baker, I was going to take them home with me, since they didn’t sell.’

The baker was angry, ‘No, put them back! IF I let you do that, next thing I know I have everyone waiting for leftovers. If you want something, you need to pay for it!’

Sasha nodded, she didn’t want to sleep hungry, so she placed four pennies on the counter as she took the left overs with her.

As she closed up the bakery she rushed towards the riverbank and quickly took the clothes off the branches of the trees and tied them in white pieces of cloth. Carrying one on her head and three on her side she walked to the town again.

As she reached her first customer she handed over the clothes only to get shouted in the face, ‘You didn’t iron them! You get two pennies then.’ the woman said and shoved the money in Sasha’s hand and slammed the door in her face.

Sasha muttered, ‘Ironing is not included, it’s washing and drying only.’ She minded but still walked with a smile on her face to the next customer.

‘Here are your clothes madam,’ she said. ‘It’s ten minutes over six! You get two pennies then.’ And slam the door in her face again.

After delivering more clothes, she came to her last client. As she reached the house of that woman, she saw her scolding her son, ‘You are such a lost cause, I pay for school for you and you can’t even calculate nor read. Go to bed!’

Sasha felt bad for the ten year old as she handed the clothes over to his mother. ‘Hey, do you have problems at school?’ she asked the boy. He nodded and said, ‘I’m dyslexic, but my mother doesn’t want to accept that.’

Sasha wanted to say something when the mother interrupted, ‘Hey! Mind your own business, girl. I don’t have change, so I’ll pay you tomorrow,’

Sasha then said, ‘Miss you said that the last three weeks already. I really need the money.’ ‘I said I’ll pay tomorrow, right? Now, scooch! Off you go.’

‘Meet me at the riverbank tomorrow,’ Sasha whispered to the young boy and walked to her house.

As Sasha reached her house on top of the hill, she walked into her shabby cottage, which she called “home” for almost ten years now. She placed some hot water on the stove and then walked up the squeaky stairs to the one room that there was.

She brushed her long locks in front of the mirror and placed her savings in a jam jar which was not even half full. There was a label on it written “My Dream Tower” She always dreamed of living in a high tower from which she could see the entire town and the beautiful sea.

She looked out the window from her bedroom to the beautiful blue sky. Her window was patched with sharp pieces of chicken wire which had pointy edges. Ever since Sasha lived in this place, the window had been like that.

Nevertheless, Sasha went to sleep after finishing her cinnamon tea.

The next morning Sasha met the young boy near the river bank. As she finished washing the clothes she walked with him through the forest. There she helped him with maths and tried to help him with his dyslexia.

For the next few months she helped him in secret with his homework explaining certain difficult subjects to him. Using apples and wild nuts as subjects to explain hard maths problems, his grades got better eventually and after a while he didn’t need her help anymore.

One day as she brought the laundry for his mother, his mother said, ‘Here you are 5 pennies, my son went from an E- to a C+ for Maths! This is worth a celebration.’ Sasha smiled softly and said, ‘Congratulations.’

Another time an old lady asked for her help to paint her house. Sasha knew she would not make any money that day then and sleep on an empty stomach, but despite her financial struggles she still accepted. As she cancelled her second job at the bakery she strolled to the old woman's house. As a result she listened to the scolding of the baker for at least ten minutes.

She was already painting for half an hour when the old lady came to her with a glass of water. Sasha came down from the ladder and drank the water. ‘Thank you for the help, dear. You see, my husband passed away recently, or else he would’ve painted the house himself.’ ‘Oh, I didn’t know that. I’m sorry.’ She said to the old lady, ‘Don’t worry, I’ll make sure your house is painted by tomorrow. It won’t be as great as your husband would do it, but I hope it’ll be nice enough.’

That night Sasha placed her tea on the stove and walked up to her room. Exhausted she lay in bed, her stomach rumbled with hunger. She turned and tossed in her bed trying to fall asleep. After counting a hundred sheeps she finally fell asleep.

After a while Sasha awoke from heavy smoke which entered her lungs while breathing. She quickly jumped up only to find her entire kitchen on fire and her staircase. ‘No, the tea!’ she screamed as she pressed herself against the wooden wall. She quickly tried to wave her blanket to suppress the fire from spreading, but in vain it only became bigger and bigger.

Sasha found herself trapped on the upper floor. Her only escape was her window which was covered in prickly chicken wire. The chicken wire was going to ruin her skin and she would never make it out alive with that jump. She threw her mattress to the ground and was taking a leap to jump on it. And just as she was about to make a run, her hair got stuck on the chicken wire.

She tried pulling on it in order to make it loose, but in vain. Her scissors lay in the kitchen which was now devoured by the fire along with all her sharp things.

She tried to call for help, but she lived on top of a hill away from the town, so no one would hear her. She watched with fear for her life and tears in her eyes as the fire came nearer and nearer, who is going to save Rapunzel?

~~~

Please note

When you leave a review, 

firstly, constructive criticism mainly on the content and writing style is highly appreciated. Other things are also welcome, but mainly criticism.

secondly, do you understand the reference to Rapunzel?


Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
10 Reviews

Points: 801
Reviews: 10

Donate
Fri Dec 22, 2023 12:58 pm
Mavraak wrote a review...



Hey, The small details in the story were quite good, I really liked how you paid attention to them. You reflected Sasha's nature throughout the story quite effectively. But some things were like plot holes to me, like Sasha teaching the young boy Math, maybe it was because I did not get them. Secondly, I feel like the core plot was missing, the end felt a bit abrupt, maybe some reflection of Sasha's tragic end would have solved the problem. The Rapunzel aspect is perhaps my favourite part of the story. The ending was also quite surprising, from the Rapunzel thing the reader gets the idea that the ending must be somewhat related to it, but the actual ending was something completely different and I loved it. Good luck writing!




NadyaStatham says...


I'm glad you like it ^-^



User avatar
6 Reviews

Points: 29
Reviews: 6

Donate
Fri Dec 22, 2023 1:44 am
Nicarose wrote a review...



Hiya AmayaStatham,

I really like some of your expressions in this story. for example:

Then you had two types of people who answered: You had the angry kind, ‘It’s 6 o’clock! Get some sleep, girl!’ and you had the other type of angry, ‘It’s 6 o’clock, I want them back by 6 in the evening, girl!’ They said and then shoved a pile of dirty laundry in her hands.


I think this reflects people's different views on time. As far as I am concerned, I may belong to the former type of person because I haven't woken up at 6 o'clock in the morning for a long time.(●'◡'●)

There is also a very interesting detail:

There she entered the shop and greeted the baker who always seemed to get her name wrong with a smile only to get an apron thrown in her face. ‘Get kneading Samantha!’ the baker shouted as he marched towards the oven. ‘It’s Sasha.’ she then said and walked to the kitchen.


When you point out to others that they have made a mistake in your name, they may immediately correct it, but sometimes they will never correct it. My teacher once called one of my classmates by the wrong name for a whole year.(@_@;)

However, I am a bit confused about Sasha helping the young boy learn maths:

The next morning Sasha met the young boy near the river bank. As she finished washing the clothes she walked with him through the forest. There she helped him with maths and tried to help him with his dyslexia.

For the next few months she helped him in secret with his homework explaining certain difficult subjects to him. Using apples and wild nuts as subjects to explain hard maths problems, his grades got better eventually and after a while he didn’t need her help anymore.


Although I understand this is in the story, this method of learning mathematics is also very strange. And surprisingly, it really had an effect.w(゚Д゚)w

Finally, I'm curious if this story ends like this? A good story usually ends after the climax, but I don't think the climax of this story has arrived yet.(⊙_⊙)?

Goodbye for now! I hope you have a magnificent day (or night) wherever you are!




NadyaStatham says...


Thanks for the nitpicks!!



User avatar
6 Reviews

Points: 29
Reviews: 6

Donate
Fri Dec 22, 2023 1:43 am
Nicarose says...






User avatar
1510 Reviews

Points: 92
Reviews: 1510

Donate
Wed Dec 20, 2023 1:13 pm
View Likes
vampricone6783 wrote a review...



Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Let us commence with the possessed S’more!

Top Graham Cracker - Sasha is a joyful girl who always looks at the bright side no matter what. However, she burns away in a tragic accident at home, with no one to help her.

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I think that there could be something like a page break to break up parts in the story. But that’s just a thought. If you don’t want to do that, then ignore this.

Chocolate Bar - The pictures! I like the pictures in the story, they were beautiful. I also like the reference to Rapunzel. (Yes, I understand the reference.) She’s lost and trapped in the tower, just like Rapunzel. The only difference is that no one would save her. I didn’t expect that ending. It was sad to see such a kind girl burn away. But then, that’s life.

Closing Graham Cracker -I enjoyed reading this Rapunzel-based story. There are people in the world like Sasha who will always smile despite the circumstances and we can only hope that they get the happy ending they deserve. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always happen.

I wish you an amazing day/night! :>




NadyaStatham says...


Thank you for this review!

Just to clarify some things:
She wasn't trapped in a tower, she wanted a tower so she could see the whole world from up there.

I'm glad you liked it! I thought it was going to be too much and destroy the actual fairy tale. ^-^

Cheers,
Amaya




See the world. It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories. Ask for no guarantees, ask for no security.
— Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451