Hiya! This is Orabella, here with a review.
I'll be reviewing with the YWS S'more Method today!
Which for some reason I haven't done until now.
I always love your writing, and after you mentioned this work in a review of one of mine, I have to come and read it! (Sorry it took so long to get to)
Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
Your main character's name is Jaciara, and her family is poor. Even though they've got hardships, they still have a lot of fun and love each other dearly. Until... her parents died due to dirty water. Because of this, she moves in with her aunt in the US after planting a mango tree on their old property. Eventually, she grows old and a grandchild gets her a ticket to go back to Brazil where she used to live. A tragic but heartwarming story!
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
I personally really like when stories start with, "In the heart of...", but I feel like it's a bit too overused. Maybe you can try a more interesting or unique way of showing the setting and characters? Instead of,
maybe try something like this:
Okay, honestly, this isn't better in any way, but it's a little different. Also, I'm not sure if it's a wealthy city or not, I was just making that up.
Once quick thing before I move to the next section,
I think you mean "Mago" and "tree" to be seperated, and also for "Mago" to be "Mango."
Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
Overall, this is a genuinely interesting story! Although there isn't enough time for characters to develop or for readers to grow an attachment to the character, she's still interesting. The sequence of events is clear and the plot is interesting - a girl whos parents die but still swears to work hard. A good moral.
I think it's so sweet that they named the tree after her, and that she lived in the shade of her mango tree.
Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
I'm so glad you told me about this! I enjoyed reading this a lot, and like your other works, this is absolutely amazing. Thank you so much for sharing and have an amazing day/night!
Which for some reason I haven't done until now.
I always love your writing, and after you mentioned this work in a review of one of mine, I have to come and read it! (Sorry it took so long to get to)
Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
Your main character's name is Jaciara, and her family is poor. Even though they've got hardships, they still have a lot of fun and love each other dearly. Until... her parents died due to dirty water. Because of this, she moves in with her aunt in the US after planting a mango tree on their old property. Eventually, she grows old and a grandchild gets her a ticket to go back to Brazil where she used to live. A tragic but heartwarming story!
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
I personally really like when stories start with, "In the heart of...", but I feel like it's a bit too overused. Maybe you can try a more interesting or unique way of showing the setting and characters? Instead of,
In the heart of Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, lived a twelve-year-old girl called Jacaira and her two parents. They were once among the poorest in the city, but they were content with what they had - each other.
maybe try something like this:
Jacaira had nothing. Well, almost nothing. But that didn't matter. Because what she had was her parents, and that was enough. Although a wealthy city, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil was where this poor family resided.
Okay, honestly, this isn't better in any way, but it's a little different. Also, I'm not sure if it's a wealthy city or not, I was just making that up.
Once quick thing before I move to the next section,
She never forgot her promise to the Magotree, but life had other plans for her and she never got the chance to return to Brazil.
I think you mean "Mago" and "tree" to be seperated, and also for "Mago" to be "Mango."
Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
Overall, this is a genuinely interesting story! Although there isn't enough time for characters to develop or for readers to grow an attachment to the character, she's still interesting. The sequence of events is clear and the plot is interesting - a girl whos parents die but still swears to work hard. A good moral.
I think it's so sweet that they named the tree after her, and that she lived in the shade of her mango tree.
Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
I'm so glad you told me about this! I enjoyed reading this a lot, and like your other works, this is absolutely amazing. Thank you so much for sharing and have an amazing day/night!
Points: 31007
Reviews: 253
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