z
  • Home

Young Writers Society

It's Gift Giving Day! You can send up to 4 more free gift(s)! 543 gifts have so far been given away! Just 801 minutes remaining...

Give a gift Give a gift to a random person More Info View the rankings

16+ Violence

Victim or Killer?

by NadyaStatham


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

The story you're about to hear is a little different from what you're used to. It's written to be read not only from top to bottom, but also from bottom to top.

Each perspective offers a different perspective of both characters.

  • The girl's perspective, starts at the top.
  • The boy's perspective, start at the bottom and read up.

Make sure you read both ways to understand what is happening!

***

"Sorry," he said. She arrived at the place described in the instructions. At first she hesitated to call the police, sweat dripping from her forehead as her trembling hands dialled the police number.

His blade sliced through, tears dripping from his eyes as he twisted the blade. Blood ran down his arms, leaving a mark as well. Then she remembered the stalker's warning. She would die if she dared tell her parents what was going on. She turned off the phone and walked on.

He did not really want to hurt her. She walked into the cold, abandoned warehouse, shivering. Her heart raced with every step she took, and her breath was getting heavier with the second.

There was no turning back. He breathed in, took one last step out of the shadows. She looked around quickly as she ventured further into the darkness, hoping to catch a glance of whoever was following her. Every creak of the floorboards made her jump, and she clutched her small pocket knife for comfort.

His hands trembled as he considered talking to her one last time. This was it, after years of agony. He was going to end it all. Meanwhile, she felt a vibration from her phone in her trousers. It was a message from a friend, offering a way out and a connection to the outside world. She would have to be courageous.

He stayed hidden in the dark, watching her every move with a strong sense of hatred and fear. Turning a corner, she saw a small light in the distance. Did her friend call the police? She never should have told her.

She would definitely kill him now, he thought. She could not let that happen.

He had managed to avoid her for far too long. She moved a step further into the shadows.

He tightly gripped his knife, concealed in his coat pocket. She stabbed him in the neck with her pocket knife, injuring a vein, and blood spilled from him.

"Sorry," she said. 

***

The question now for you readers,

after reading from top to bottom and from bottom to top, who is the victim and who is the killer?

Constructive criticism is highly appreciated on the content as other things!


Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
570 Reviews

Points: 47046
Reviews: 570

Donate
Wed Nov 15, 2023 6:59 am
Liminality wrote a review...



Hi Rinisha!

General Impressions

I actually read the story quite a number of times, both backwards and forwards, trying to put the pieces together. It’s definitely a very interesting idea. My overall impression is that the events from the girl’s perspective and the events from the boy’s perspective can’t both be true or in the same timeline/ universe? In the girl’s story, it seems that she is told by her stalker to go to this warehouse alone, and she plans to kill him there, and she does so in the end. In the boy’s story, it seems he is hiding from the girl in the warehouse and then kills her (because he thinks she’s going to kill him). It’s hard for me to see these two things happening for real in the same universe, because in the girl’s side, the boy is injured but she is not – and the opposite is true for the boy’s side. This makes me think perhaps one of them is dreaming or hallucinating that part of the story – or each story is an alternate version of what could have happened.

If I had to pick between one of them being the killer, I think I might pick the girl, because her point of view seems more detailed and grounded in ‘reality’, especially with her having a clear motivation for killing the stalker and her mentioning a friend and the police (things in the “outside world”). So I think potentially the boy is the one who is dreaming or imagining his side of the story.

Now onto some points of constructive criticism.

Characters

Since this was a very short story with a lot happening, it makes sense that we don’t know a lot about the characters (e.g. their names, ages, backgrounds, etc.). As mentioned, we also know a lot more about the girl than the boy (but that could be intentional if the difference is meant to suggest the boy’s point of view is imagined). If there is a ‘true’ interpretation of the story you intend readers to get after reading it a few times, I feel like I would need more details and indications of the characters’ history with each other to get it.

Something I thought didn’t feel so believable was both characters saying “Sorry” as they apparently strike the killing blow. “Sorry” comes across as a bit casual to me – it’s something you’d say if you bump into someone at a supermarket, and typically the person who says “sorry” isn’t feeling the intense type of emotion you’d get in a story like this. If the girl is meant to be killing her stalker, I’m also not sure if she would apologise.

I do like the idea that they both say the same thing in the killing though, since that does give the story some symmetry.

Plot

What I like about the plot is that you manage to show an increasing tension and then a big change happening, even in the short space. That makes the story interesting and satisfying to read even though it is open-ended and we’re left to interpret what happens next, as well as who actually did the killing.

Then she remembered the stalker's warning. She would die if she dared tell her parents what was going on.

Given what I understand from the story, I think it would be more believable if the stalker’s warning were at the very top of her head, as in, if she didn’t try calling the police at all. This is because I’d imagine if she were afraid of the stalker she would be eager to make sure she didn’t do something that would set them off, if that makes sense?

Style

At first she hesitated to call the police, sweat dripping from her forehead as her trembling hands dialled the police number. . . Then she remembered the stalker's warning. She would die if she dared tell her parents what was going on.

I get the idea here, which is that the stalker basically wanted her to go to the warehouse alone and not let anyone know where she was. The writing did trip me up a bit, since she specifies that the stalker threatened her saying not to call “her parents”, but she is currently thinking of calling “the police”.

I liked that you described the cold of the warehouse and the sound of the creaky floorboards. That helps establish the sense of this dark, creepy place where the events of the story happen.

The choice to use italics for one perspective and normal text for another definitely helps to show that there are two separate POVs here.

Overall

The story leaves me with a feeling of ambiguity. There’s enough there that could lead to a lot of different interpretations. Some of the questions I had besides the identity of the killer vs victim were: why does the boy kill his target if he doesn’t want to? Why was he avoiding her? I think the overall writing style, which doesn’t use much figurative language but nonetheless leaves a lot to the imagination, works for conveying a mysterious story where the reader needs to puzzle things out on their own.

My main suggestions for revision depend on whether you intend for readers to have multiple interpretations or mainly one of what happens in the plot. If multiple possible interpretations are intended, then I think a good idea for revision would be to work on the phrasing to match the mood/ emotion you want to convey (like with the comment I made on the use of “Sorry”). If you intend one interpretation to be the main one, then my comment on adding more details could be a way forward.

Let me know if you’d like more feedback on something specific – and keep writing!
-Lim




User avatar
685 Reviews

Points: 67630
Reviews: 685

Donate
Tue Oct 03, 2023 1:16 am
View Likes
EllieMae wrote a review...



Hello rinisha!!

Ellie here for a review!! Thanks for tagging me in this. It was so cool! Such a unique story. Ive actually been thinking of writing a backwards story the last couple days so this totally inspired me :)

Lets get right into it!

I will start by analyzing each plot and then share my conclusion as to who the killer is.

First, I want to analyze the girl's perspective (top to bottom):
The girl receives instructions to go to a certain location, and hesitates to call the police due to a stalker's warning. She turns off her phone and enters an abandoned warehouse. She senses someone is following her and holds a small pocket knife to use as protection. She receives a message from a friend offering to help. She continues forward, moving farther into the darkness.

Boys perspective (bottom to top):
This boy seems like he doesn't really want to hurt her. He figures this is a moment where he can end everything, after going through years of pain. He watches the girl's every move. He seems full of hatred and fear. The girl moves closer to him and he has a knife hidden in his pocket. The girl stabs him in the neck with her pocket knife and says "sorry".

In my opinion, the boy is the "killer" so to speak. We know from his motives that he didn't really want to kill her, but he stalked her and his behaviors is what ended in his death. It seems like the girl was acting in self defence.

*also note, my ordering is off a bit in some of the descriptions but its what made the most sense in my head haha*

Thanks for this awesome story!! I hope you write more like this.

-Ellie Mae




User avatar
28 Reviews

Points: 415
Reviews: 28

Donate
Mon Oct 02, 2023 6:22 pm
View Likes
KocoCoko wrote a review...



Hiya! Koco (or Coko) here to for small, informal review! Mostly just gonna be talking about the vibes and all.

And I must say, this is such a neat concept! I love playing with words and format and this is just so cool!

I love how up-to-interpretation this is. It's very confusing at first and definitely needed a read-through twice or thrice, but I'm guessing that's how its intended to be! From my guess, it seems the girl was the victim and the killer! She was being stalked, and then she killed the man, who in turn was about to kill her! Maybe that's wrong, but that's the impression I got.

Overall, I really liked this! Creative concept and a fairly decent execution (if slightly puzzling at first glance), and a great way to leave things up to interpretation. Great job!

This has been Coko (or Koco), have a good day/night!





Ho ho ho!
— Santa