z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Just Listen

by RebelWriter


I could hear their words, that is, the words of my loved ones, being whispered into my ear. Words of encouragement and longing and utter despair and heartbreak. Each rustle of paper, each sniffle, each cough and every sound I could hear. But I couldn't open my eyes. I couldn't move my mouth I couldn't do anything but listen. 

Six months ago I was driving in the dark down an old country road. I wasn't drunk and I wasn't texting when the van hit me. I remember listening to Little Big Town sing 'Don't cry for me' as my car flipped and rolled down the road. It was like when your head is in a fog and you can see it and hear but really you can't. I saw the van coming. I heard the explosion of metal crushing metal but I couldn't process it as being real. My car bounced twice before skidding to a stop. The doors were like paper. Tires and engine pieces are scattered throughout the road. Glass and metal shards are everywhere and my car is a mere skeleton of what it once was. I see the driver of the van, a drunk college student, dialing 911 and his girlfriend crying into her hands. My head hurts and I feel sticky with blood. It isn't until I see my crushed arm and legs that I pass out into a painless sleep. 

I heard the doctors say I was in a coma and had been in one for three days. I could feel his careful hands maneuver my arm, which had barely been saved, and move to my legs, both of which were amputated and replaced with prosthetic ones. My arms and legs were like limp green beans and could be handled any way you pleased without causing pain. I remember hearing the same doctor(I don't know his name and shall call him Bob) dicussing my situation with the nurse(we'll call her Joy). He said, "I don't know that she'll come back. She's been in this coma a while and her condition isn't good. Obviously she'll never be the super-athletic one anymore, which is too bad. Her head was hit hard and she may suffer from memory loss and potential brain damage. A lot of blood was lost and she's got enough scars to make Frankenstein jealous. Life won't be the same for her if she wakes up",he paused then and ceased talking. I wasn't concerned with the fake limbs. It didn't bother me a bit and I could deal with the scars since appearance never concerned me. It was the memory loss, brain damage and the Doctors lack of hope that bothered me. But then Nurse Joy began to speak into my ear. 

"Darlin' don't you mind a word he says. Dr.Steifen isn't a very optimistic doctor... he's got reasons to be the way he is, as we all do. Child,whether you wake up or not is really between you and the Father up above. You'll be pretty as a bell with or without scars and fake limbs so don't let that jade your decision. Keep fighting to live because honey you've got so much more coming. Lotta people who love you need you to stay",she went on to adjusting my sheets before leaving. I couldn't really respond since I couldn't do anything. My eyes wouldn't open and my lips wouldn't move. I was in a helpless vegetative state. I could just listen. 

Three days passed and then weeks. People came in bunches and clusters all speaking with choked up voices and Hallmark quotes. Don't get me wrong, I appreciated the fact that so many people showed up to see me. But their words seemed fake,as though they had nothing to say at all but felt obligated to speak. I never understood why people couldn't just not speak. Their presence was enough comfort no need to ruin it with fake words. But all I could do was listen, so I did. 

One day, when it had been officially three months since the accident. My neighbor came to visit. He was an elderly man with no family. His siblings had all moved away and none of his children ever visited. I made it my lifes goal to visit him everyday even if for just five minutes. Six years later we were the best of friends. His oldest daughter was thirty-four,twelve years older than myself. Mr. Smith said I was like a daughter and in a way he was like a second dad. He came in smelling like tobacco and licorice as usual. I heard the chair creak as he sat down in it and then he cleared his throat.

"Now Alyssa,you remember Alyssa don't you Lizzie? Well, Alyssa is two years older than you. She's my oldest niece and lives the closest to my old house. Well, Alyssa came to visit me last week. I told her all about you and how you're in the hospital and need prayers. I thought she'd feel bad but the only reason she even came to see was because I owed her mom, Jenna(I've told you about her), one-hundred dollars. Being a patient man I gave her the money and she left that same day. Didn't even bother to look at my garden(I brought you Roses Lizzie, the red ones) or check to see If my cough was better. I just don't get how my own flesh and blood can be so cruel. 

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you how loved you are. All these years no one in my family ever bothered to say hi, but you always came by no matter what. You cared for me when I was sick and when I sprained my foot you did all my chores and outdoor work without complaint. If not for you I'd be in a nursing home somewhere while my stuff got auctioned off. You're what's been keeping me going.... I.. I had a stroke that almost killed me but I held on for you.... I'm just asking you do the same if not for you then for me........ I best be leaving Lizzie... wake up soon.. ", and with that he left. I could smell the roses on the table beside me. Their sent filled me with warmth and his words a desire to wake up. But I couldn't. I just listened.

Next week my parents came in. They'd been visiting less since I'd been under for so long, but today they decided to sit and talk. My father spoke while my mother cried and uttered single words. 

"Lizzie, sweety,if you can hear me then listen closely. You're loved. By everyone. There isn't a person who's come in here who doesn't love you. And...and you've got so much life ahead of you. College is almost over and then you'll be a doctor.. and.. and you'll work for a big hospital..get married and have two perfect children that you'll love as much as we love you. Lizzie.... if you can hear me... please come back to us...... "he would've continued but he started to cry. It didn't matter. I got what he was saying. The same as what everyone has been saying. I am loved by all. I have a life ahead of me and bright future to live if only I'd wake up. I decided right then and there I wasn't leaving. I would wake up and soon too. 

The doctor said my status had changed. My heart rate had increased and my color was returning. Just yesterday the nurse, Nurse Joy, had bumped my head which had hurt worse than anything in my life. Apparently, as I perceived from Dr. Steiffen's thrilled cry,I had uttered an audible cry of pain in my slumber. Dr. Steiffen had called all my family and friends who all proceeded to sit in a circle around my bed. Much to their disappointment I didn't do anything notabley different. Then the doctor came in. He sat by my bed and proceeded to talk to me. 

"I had a daughter once. She was fair and had golden hair and eyes bluer than the Ocean. Her name was Savannah and she was my world. One day she and some friends went driving in the country.  A couple of deer ran out and she swerved and drove into a tree. She was crushed and killed instantly. When she didn't answer her cell and when I saw the news report I.... well.. I was scared. The report said one girl survived so I rushed to the hospital only to find it was not my little girl. She was eighteen, pretty, going to college to become a teacher. Her bright future was stolen from her before she could even embrace it. I was crushed. Elizabeth you need to wake up. You've got a future to and friends and family.... don't leave them.... please say something. ", he sighed and I heard him stand to go. 

It was as if that simple confession woke up my limbs and mind. I squeezed my pillow and turned my head. Using all my strength I began to will my eyes to open. 'I can't leave. Not with all these people and my future and the secrets they've shared... if not for me then for them I'll open my eyes', I thought to myself. 

The Sun was bright. Very, very bright and my mouth was dry as I croaked out one, simple word:"Doctor". I blinked several times and coughed as I struggled to sit up. Pain rocked my world but I fought through it. "Doctor, I need water"  I croaked again. My throat felt like sand on sand and my head was throbbing. I squinted my eyes and looked at the doctor. Tears streamed down his weathered face as he said, "By golly I'll get that water!", he ran down the hall way. 

My family and friends all came in a rush. It was overwhelming but I didn't care. I was here. That's all that mattered. Eventually the doctor shooed everyone away saying I needed rest. All but the nurse(who's name I discovered is Joy) who studied me for a minute. 

"Darlin' what got you to open your eyes, if you don't mind my asking? "she said. 

" I guess it was my inability to do anything. I could just listen. I didn't realize how many people cared and I knew I HAD my future still ahead of me. All this time I thought I was JUST Lizzie. And I am. But I'm just Lizzie with Just a bunch of awesome friends and family and a great life. It occured to me perhaps I should slow down and just listen and appreciate what I've got" I said. 

The nurse nodded and left. I closed my eyes and just listened.


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86 Reviews


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Fri Apr 17, 2015 9:55 am
WaltzingDreams wrote a review...



Nice short. Realistic and heartfelt. Your writing was good and how you made the dialogue was a commendable asset to this work, how you've told the narrative in the other characters' voices in a short like this. Just had to catch something:

his girlfriend crying into her hands.

Crying to/in

if you can hear me... please come back to use......
come back to use? or us?

One day her and some friends went driving in the country.
She and some of her friends went driving. Or 'she and some friends..' would do.

She was killed and crushed instantly.
Maybe it would sound better if it were 'She was crushed and killed instantly.'

You've got a future to
....too

The nurse nodded and left. And I closed my eyes and just listened.

There was just too many 'ands' here. I suggest revising it to "Then I closed my eyes and just listened."

Anyway, it had good morals and you've shown it nicely.

Good job and good luck with your other writings! :D

-Waltzing




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216 Reviews


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Fri Apr 17, 2015 4:45 am
kevin25a wrote a review...



Nurse Joy, brings back memories of pokemon when it wasn't complete like it has been since the second region was invented. This was a really good story, with a great message behind it. I saw a couple spaces missing, a misspelled word, and a couple missing quotations. But as someone who has been in a coma twice, most don't really understand it. It's not really like an endless dream. Some dream, some don't, some listen like the character in your story did. You did a really good job and I liked it. :)




RebelWriter says...


Thank you very much. My brother has been watching Pokemon from the very beginning.. all 18 years he has never missed an episode.



kevin25a says...


Your welcome. I watched up until hoenn the third region, and played until platinum. But honestly it died after the first or second region. Although the greatest games were emerald and platinum.



kevin25a says...


Your welcome. I watched up until hoenn the third region, and played until platinum. But honestly it died after the first or second region. Although the greatest games were emerald and platinum.




akdsjfh you know that feeling where you start writing a scene but then you get bored with the scene so you move on and start writing a different scene and then you get bored with that scene so you move on to an entirely different WIP and then you get bored with that so you move on-
— AceassinOfTheMoon