The dust kicked up by King's hooves stung my eyes. I gritted my teeth and blinked away at the dirt. My hips rocked steadily back forth as we cantered figure eights in the large arena. I could feel his muscles moving beneath my legs. So much power and energy all wound up underneath me and I was in control of it all. My hands guided him onto a circle. His shoulder turned in a smooth arc as we rounded the corner.
We left the circle and slowed to a walk. Eventually a bull would be released into the arena and we would be given a foam stick with which to tag the bull. There was a sticky part at the sticks end that would adhere to the bulls hide. Easy enough as long as we didn't get gored. King and I had done this before. King is a Lusitano stallion.
Lusitanos and Andalusions are used for fighting bulls in Spain. They are Spanish horses after all and this is in King's blood. We are champion bull fighters here in Spain. 'Josephina y King Mi Amor' is written all over on posters and billboards. Josephina and King My Love. We are not famous because of our agility as much as because I am a woman fighting bulls. Men chase cows not women. But this thought does not bother me as a large, ugly, mean bull with long horns enters the arena. His eyes are bloodshot and filled with hate. His hair is red like the blood in his nose and in his eyes. Every one of his ugly muscles quivers with the rage I know he will release on us. This bull is called Diablo as he has gored every horse and rider to take him on. To the crowd we are the foolish couple and to the bull we are new victims for him to mangle.
Behind the safety of a wall a man drops a green flag. That is my cue to begin. The bull circles us slowly. King never breaks eye contact as we turn with him. An understanding passes between horse and cow. They're equals as far as this is concerned. The bull snorts once. Twice. Then charges. He is coming straight and from the front. A brazen challenge on his part. No games will be played. I loosen the reins and give King control. He knows what to do and cuts right then spins around. The bull cannot do sharp turns. He is too fat to manage them. Only straight charges will do for him. I can use this for my advantage.
Diablo cries murder and charges again. King is slow and stumbles as Diablo's born grazes his shoulder. I cry out for my horse. The wound is only a surface wound but it looks angry as red oozes out. The bull charges again and King cuts right and swings left. I reach out to tag Diablo but he veers away at the last minute. The crowd is getting excited now. No horse and rider have ever lasted this long. We are more of a novelty than ever. King is getting tired and angry. We both want this done with. A feeling of nervousness is growing in my gut. Diablo is powerful and bloodthirsty and King is tired and slowing down. I cannot imagine life without my King.
The bull charges and as he runs towards us and King cuts right I lean far out and tag the bull. He bawls in protest and hatred as he whips around to charge again. Death is the only thing on Diablo's mind right now . my heart flutters with fear as I look into Diablo's angry eyes and see myself and King reflected in them. In a last attempt to shed more blood Diablo charges hard at us. King swiftly jumps back and the stupid bull tries to cut a sharp turn. The crack of his leg breaking sickens my stomach. The crowd stops cheering loudly as shocked as I am. No bull has been injured in any of these events. Until now. We all bow our heads as an official comes in with a gun. There is no saving Diablo. He is done. The crack of the gun is not as loud as the thud of flesh hitting the ground.
I get off of King to go kneel beside Diablo. He is dead and still looks evil but I show my respect anyway. Diablo was like an old soldier never to be shot down. To beat Diablo was the greatest feat anyone could hope to accomplish. This was THE bull. Now dead. I stroked his neck and King nuzzled his nose. The crowd remained silent until I recieved my flowers and trophy. Like thunder their clapping rolled over us all.
The next week I see a sign.
It reads: Josephina and King, Lover of Bulls and Spains finest competitors. I don't hide my grin.
That's me. Lover of Bulls and Spains finest. King and I celebrate this with wine and an evening ride.
The End
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139,565 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
Hi Tennishead here,
I liked your story. You described Diablo really well and I got an impression of a fierce, vicious and evil competitor who would stop at nothing to win. You seemed to be very knowledgable on bull riding and horse riding which means that you probably do a lot of it? It made the story really accurate and added credibility.
Okay, one of the only things I thought could have improved was the ending. This is just a suggestion, but you basically cut it off after the race. Maybe you meant to have it like that, but it just seemed that you could have done more.
Overall a great piece!
Keep at it!
Tennishead
Hello! Flash here for a review.
I came to read this because I absolutely LOVE horses! I don't ride so I'm a bit uncultured when it comes to events (jumping, dressage, etc.) but I understood this quite well. Horses are amazing and there's certainly not enough horse stories, especially here on YWS. So I applaud you for posting this.
Alright, onto errors.
You've got no spaces between the comma and the word that comes after it. You *must* do so.
Speaking of commas, you need to place your commas inside of the quotes when you're writing dialogue. And if there's an exclamation mark or a question mark at the end of the dialogue, there is no need for a comma.
Well, that's all from me! Keep writing and I would like to see more horse stories!
~Flash
Thanks! I'll definitely be bringing horse stories to YWS,there just aren't enough out there.
Instead of a comma after "jumper" you need a semicolon.
You need a comma after the second "go" and the period goes before the end quotations.
This was a nice story. Predictable for the first part, but I didn't expect the main character to have cancer. I also got nervous when she was jumping, though I don't know why. I'm normally detached from things like that.
You seem to know a lot about horse jumping, which is good. I didn't know anybody in judge panel, but I'm trusting that they're real people, or at least have done real things and hold real positions (NHJA judge- National Horse Jumping Association?). Overall, really nice job with a short and sweet story.
Keep writing! To anyone who reads this: You're absolutely fabulous, no matter what anyone says!
-TigersMoon
Thank you, I'm normally apprehensive about sharing my stories, but I like this website and the advice I've been receiving. I ride Western, but I really like watching jumping competitions. Beezie Madden is an Olympic jumper, you can google her. The other two I made up, lol. NHJA is National Hunter Jumper Association. I loove horses and writing about them. I occasionally blog about them on Barnmice.com, just go under Paula Stevens to see some. Thanks again