z

Young Writers Society


18+ Language

Eclipse: Chapter 8, Our Golden Savior

by RealSadhours296


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.

Chapter #8: Our Golden Savior

A young woman laid in the middle of the clearing, her foot stuck in a tight hole on the ground. That in itself wouldn’t be shocking, but her appearance was what left Brian gawking.

Her ears were unnaturally large and pointy. Her nose was cartoonishly witch-like. Her skin was a strange yellow hue, and finally, her hair was a light cream color. Her physical appearance and renaissance-esque clothing made her look like a DnD cosplayer.

…What the hell was a DnD cosplayer doing in the middle of the woods?

Brian struggled between two courses of action: get away from the lunatic as fast as he could before she noticed, or catch the woman’s attention so Diantha could have some chance of survival.

Deep in thought, it took Brian a while to realize that the wrist he was clinging onto had mysteriously disappeared.

…Aden!

He brought his focus back to the strange woman, only to find Aden taking slow, cautious steps toward the stranger. Fuck! That dumbass! This is why he wanted to go alone!

The strange woman heard the footsteps and turned to face Aden, who stopped stiffly in his tracks. The two eyed each other, Aden with increasing discomfort and the woman in shock.

“…You okay?” Aden mustered to ask. His voice was comically higher-pitched than normal.

The strange woman relaxed her shoulders and smiled awkwardly. “Well, I suppose as okay as I can be right now.” Her accent sounded like a mixture of British and French. “If you do not mind, could you help a fellow out and pull her foot out of this hole?”

Aden — greatly comforted by the woman’s friendliness — nodded a yes. Before Brian could protest, Aden tried to assist the strange woman in freeing her foot; he was too weak to pull the foot out, however, so his attempts amounted to nothing.

Brian couldn’t believe what he was seeing right now.

He took a deep breath and removed himself from the bushes. The stranger seemed friendly enough, so...Brian supposed that he and Aden would be fine as long as they stayed alert and kept their distance. Regardless, he can’t just stand by and let Aden endanger himself.

Aden and the woman both looked up to see the approaching Brian. The wide-eyed stare the woman gave Brian made him uncomfortable.

The strange woman turned to Aden, a heavenly smile on her face. “So you have a friend with you, huh?” She faced Brian once more. “Would you be so kind as to help me out as well, sir?”

Brian shrugged a yes, crouched down, and ripped the woman’s leg out of the hole in one swift motion, startling both herself and Aden.

The woman clapped her hands together, her mouth agape in amazement. “My my! You are quite strong, aren’t you?”

Brian shrugged once more, offering his hand out of courtesy. The woman took it gratefully.

Lifting the stranger up from the ground, Brian flinched at her awe-striking loftiness. She was a full head taller than Brian; she practically towered over Aden.

“Goodness! You’re rather short! I’ve never seen someone quite like you! How did your skin become so dark?” She questioned rhetorically, studying Brian’s facial features in fascination. Brian was greatly offended, but before he could snap back at the woman, she turned to Aden, bending down and giving him a warm smile. "And look at you! Why you’re as small as an angel! Yet you look nothing like them!”

Aden blushed at the comment. “I-I am not of the angels!” He countered. “I am the other! I am of the devils!”

The stranger giggled at Aden's peculiar statement. “You’re quite a funny one!” She stood straight once more and curtsied, formally greeting the two boys. “My name is Alva; Alva Waiter. A pleasure to meet you young gentlemen! May I ask for your names and what brings you out into these woods?”

Brian was already getting tired of the weirdo’s roleplaying, but he didn't know what would happen if he criticized it. It's better to just answer ‘Alva’s’ questions. “I’m Brian, and this is Aden. That's all we know. We don't know how we got here.” He began. “We woke up in some temple with two others last night and have been wandering the forest since. We almost got eaten by a tiger.”

Alva sobered at the news. “Oh dear…wait, you said there were two more with you, yes? Where are they?”

“We left them behind. One ate some nightshade berries. When I heard you fall, I followed your voice as fast as I could…we…we need help.”

Alva covered her mouth at the story and quickly nodded. “I’m a historian, not a doctor, but lead the way. I can take all four of you back to my camp.”

Brian sighed in relief and looked around the clearing for the direction he came from…Only to find he had no recollection of where it was; everywhere he looked was just trees, trees, and more trees.

Shit! He was too focused on following the noise to pay attention to where he went! He’s lost Noriko and Diantha-

Brian's panic dissipated as Aden pranced in a certain direction and turned to Alva and Brian. “We must be hurrying this way!” Aden shouted out, pointing to the woods.

…Huh. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea to bring Aden with Brian after all.

***

Noriko wiped her wet cheeks with her sleeve. She was exhausted beyond relief.

Diantha laid on the ground, her eyes unfocused and her breathing ragged. She had thrown up multiple times already, and she was getting worse with each minute that passed.

Noriko didn’t know what to do, so she, rather pathetically, cried her eyes out for a good while. Glancing at Diantha’s pale face, more tears threatened to escape from the corner of her eyes. She buried her head between her legs once more.

A small part of Noriko ordered Brian to take Aden with him instead of herself because she knew she’d break down like this. She didn’t want anyone to see her in this state. No, she’d rather die than be seen like this.

She jumped as she felt a shaking hand place itself gently on her shoulder. She quickly grabbed the wrist and met Diantha's eyes; Diantha stared deliriously at her.

“Ça va...aller...” Diantha muttered slowly. Noriko barely discerned her words.

Noriko lowered Diantha's wrist back to the ground and avoided her gaze. “Je le sais. I am sure you will be fine.” She strained out the possible lie, trying to keep her voice calm.

“Non...C'est normal de...It's ok to cry.”

Noriko's heart raced. She was filled with shame; she turned to watch the woods for Brian and Aden's arrival. “I am not crying. Tu délires, Diantha.”

Noriko didn’t get a response. She was too afraid to face Diantha, fearful that she would meet the eyes of death.

Luckily, she saw a small, faint figure of yellow in the distance. Aden and Brian are back. Thank goodness.

Aden dashed to Noriko, enveloping her in another unwanted hug. Brian and some…odd-looking stranger followed closely behind.

“Who is this?” Noriko asked Brian about the stranger, eyeing them up and down cautiously. Seriously, their appearance was straight out of a fantasy novel.

The stranger herself was quick to answer Noriko’s question. “Alva. How do you do, miss? I’ve heard from your companions that someone ate nightshade berries?”

Alva was straight to the point, which Noriko was thankful for. “Yes.” Noriko motioned to the delirious Diantha. “She has eaten around 15.”

Alva winced at the number and stepped to the blonde. She crouched down, studied Diantha’s unconscious body, and then faced the others. “She has time, but we must act fast. My camp isn’t too far from here, and I have a good friend there that can help her. Can someone pick her up?”

Noriko glanced expectantly at Brian, who let out a small sigh and picked Diantha up bridal style. “Lead the way.” He muttered.

Alva wasted no time. She surfed through the satchel worn around her shoulder. Pulling out a compass, she studied it for a few moments, surveyed her surroundings, and headed south of where they were. It was the same direction the quartet had been following themselves, which was odd because they all thought that was north. Regardless, Aden, Noriko, and a burdened Brian followed her.

They traveled on for what felt like hours. Aden trekked through the forest right by Brian, glancing at Diantha with worry every five seconds. Brian tried his best to zone out, but considering what he was carrying, it was difficult to do so.

Noriko was a bit ahead of the others. A thousand thoughts swelled in her head, and most of them centered on Alva.

Who was this woman? What was she?

Where exactly was she taking them all too? What was the purpose of this 'camp?'

Noriko knew the answer to none of these. 'Think about it later,' echoed her conscience, and yet there was nothing she could do but think about it.

“While we are traveling,” Alva spoke up, startling Noriko from her thoughts. “I don’t believe I caught your name miss.” Alva looked behind herself, eyeing Noriko with curiosity.

“Noriko.” She answered. She was partially glad for the opportunity to chat. The tense silence earlier made her want to stim, but since others were nearby, he had been restraining herself until now. “And the girl that ate nightshade berries is Diantha.”

“Noriko…what a lovely name. It sounds Lengese. Are you part giant?” Alva tilted her head as she further questioned Noriko. "Forgive me for asking if the question offends you. I mean no ill will toward you if you are. I may be a patriot, but I'm not a bigot."

“…Excuse me?” Noriko was completely and utterly baffled. How does one even respond to utter nonsense such as that? “I am sorry to offend you, but you sound almost a bit…eccentric. I am human, obviously?”

Alva stopped right in her tracks. She gaped at Noriko, completely and utterly shocked by her answer.

“My goddesses…” Alva muttered. “Your appearances were strange, sure, but this…this brings to mind many questions.” She mumbled to herself. Alva seemed to be losing herself to her thoughts; she picked at her fingernails and furrowed her eyebrows as she lazily scanned the palm of her hand.

...And then she shook her head and continued onwards. “But we have no time for questions. We must move forward for your friend's sake.”

As the group of four, excluding an unconscious Diantha, followed after Alva, Brian picked up his pace and lowered himself to whisper into Noriko’s ear. “I don’t know about this. She seemed kooky straight from the get-go.” He muttered his words of caution.

Noriko gazed up at Brian, raising an eyebrow. “If you did not trust her, why did you bring her with you?”

“What choice did I have?” Brian glanced down at the pale blonde in his arms.

…Noriko couldn’t argue with that logic.


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164 Reviews


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Fri Sep 03, 2021 3:54 pm
DreamyAlice wrote a review...



Hey RealSadhours! Alice here to givea short review!

This story looks really interesting! And there are other chapters in the green room, so you might see me there too reviewing, cause this looks really exciting! I have not read the starting chapters, so I am not very clear about the plot but it still was a wonderful read! I would like to see more of the characters and their personalities and how they ended up there, there are so many things to catch up with XD.

The sentences were well structured and were very clear to read, and the dialogues were right on point. Description of Elva seems really intriguing. And I like how you were very direct with the description of her appearance, it was exciting to picture her looks

Bye!!!
Keep Writing!




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701 Reviews


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Fri Aug 06, 2021 8:02 am
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here for a review!

I wonder what is the reaction time of these nightshade berries. Maybe just specify it by some means to give the readers unaware of it an idea, at least the faintest idea about it.

What the strange woman actually is? Obviously not a human as we can see from her speech. Going with Brian's description of her witch like nose, is she a witch? But then also, witches are human beings too. A giant then? Or maybe a completely different type of creature? The chapter has many revelations about the place and its inhabitants. Something stranger is that you have assigned humane professions to non human creatures. It's definitely interesting and builds on suspense.

Now, my mind takes me to the very beginning when they found themselves in the predicament. The woman seems a bit uncomfortable with the fact that they are human beings. So, are the human beings considered not-so-good in the place or maybe something else. There are a lot of mysteries in this chapter.

One thing I would tell to re-consider is the fact that Diantha woke up and put her hand over Noriko's shoulder. There is enough evidence from your writing about Noriko and that she doesn't want anyone to see her crying. That portion is not necessary for Noriko's character development. And if you did that for Diantha's character, isn't it pretty weird about a poisobed person to sit and tell those things to another? Think it over.

The woman seems to be whimsical and nervous at the same time? I couldn't very well interpret the character of the woman, maybe the next chapter will make it clearer. It's pretty weird for a nervous person to comment on Noriko's name when one is poisoned. On the other hand, she was nervous and a lot worried when she heard about it.

I hope she actually proves to be a saviour rather than an attacker. The human thing actually makes me think about their fate. I will get to the next chapter very soon.Just lemme know if my review was of any help. If u have any questions, feel free to ask me.

Keep writing!

~Forever





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