z

Young Writers Society


18+ Language

Eclipse: Chapter 11

by RealSadhours296


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.

General Content Rating: 18+

Story Content Warnings: Heavy Swearing, Blood and Gore, Death, Racism, Sexism, Ableism, Homophobia, Transphobia, Exorsexism, Child Abuse, Underage Shenanigans (Drinking, Smoking, etc.), Suicide

Current Chapter Content Warnings: Heavy Swearing

Viewer Discretion is Advised

#11: A Duel to Remember

Notes: A sentence written in English that is italicized in dialogue means that a language other than English is being spoken, and has been 'translated' by the omnipotent narrator for your convenience.

Aden’s dream wasn't pleasant in the slightest. The last thing he heard was the shattering of glass.

Thankfully, his slumbering was interrupted by a familiar voice, who stuck their head inside the tent and called out for him and his friend's names.

"Aden, good mor…well, more like good evening. Did you get some good sleep?"

"…Yes. Good sleep." He groggily answered, sitting up from his bedroll and rubbing the sand out of his eyes. As tired as he was, he didn't want to find out what happens next in that dream he couldn't remember anymore.

What was the prince's name again? He knew it started with an e.

"Glad to hear that. Are you hungry?" The prince pushed the rest of his body through the tent flap, showing a smile so serene Aden couldn't help but gawk in awe.

"A bit." Aden admitted; his stomach growled with such ferocity that the prince flinched in surprise.

"A bit, huh?" The prince muttered, looking back and forth between Aden’s still sleeping friends. "Glad to hear that as well. Dinner is ready after all. Would you mind waking your friends up for me? I'd do it myself but I don't have the heart to disturb them like this."

Finally! Something he can help out with!

Aden nodded eagerly, overjoyed at being able to assist the prince. "I help!"

The prince giggled in response, before performing a curtsy and exiting the tent with grace. He was so pretty! Aden liked him!

But he needed to focus and wake the others up like the prince asked. He turned to Brian, who’s arm wrapped tightly around his waist. Crawling out of Brian’s grasp and hovering directly above him, Aden shook him by his shirt, disturbing him from his slumber.

"Fuck off…" Brian whined out, flipping to the side and hiding his face away from Aden. Aden didn't know what those words meant, but based on the annoyed tone it couldn't have been anything good.

"Brian! Wake up! Dinner!" Aden urged; he shook Brian’s body by his shoulders even more vigorously.

Brian hissed, and shot up from his bedroll. "What?!" He boomed.

Aden flinched at the loud noise. He didn't like it. Not one bit. He quickly backed away fear.

Brian’s anger dissipated upon seeing the small red-head before him, distressed and shaking like a leaf. He let out a sigh and rubbed his eyes. "…Sorry." He muttered out an apology.

The soft tone in Brian’s voice eased Aden's nerves, and he crawled back to Brian’s lap. “…It ok. I forgive.”

"What's going on?" Spoke Noriko herself, who instantly awoke from Brian’s screech, wide eyed and alert.

Aden was quick to fill her in. "Prince says dinner time!" He explained the best he could. He understood English perfectly, but it was still hard to form the right words in the language.

Noriko relaxed her shoulders, and quickly stood up, much to Brian’s supposed frustration. "Yo. Don't stand up so fast like that. You'll get dizzy." He warned bluntly.

Aden could tell that Brian cared about Noriko and the others, even if they didn't like to show it. He likes Brian’s soft side!

"I’ll be perfectly fine." Noriko responded, clutching her head as her vision blurred to static for a moment, before letting out a sigh and brushing the dust off her skirt. "I wonder what they're serving…"

"I hope they have hamburgers.” Brian muttered, urging Aden to get off his lap and standing up himself.

"I…highly doubt Elves would know what a hamburger even is."

"Well damn, no need to be so uptight." Brian bit back. "What do you hope they have out there?"

"Ahn, I just want an onigiri. I'm not really hungry right now." Noriko knew she was lying to herself. She hadn't eaten anything since she first woke up here, but she just…didn't have that much of an appetite at the moment.

"An On-gee-ree? What the hell is that?"

Noriko was completely baffled by this comment, and she stood there, her mouth hanging open. Brian was taken aback by Noriko's silence. "What? I just asked a question!"

"…Let's leave the tent. We won't find out what they have if we continue to stand here."

Despite his anger at being ignored, Brian couldn't help but agree. He was starving, and based on Noriko's apparent exhaustion and Aden's drooling mouth they were starving too.

The three of them pushed through the tent flaps together. Noriko slightly ahead as usual, and Aden following Brian at his heels. A shining night sky greeted the three teens, abundantly speckled with stars.

Noriko herself counted the stars up above in confusion; she searched for familiar constellations, like the big and little dipper, to no avail however. They truly weren't on earth anymore.

Focusing their attention on the lantern lit roads, the three teens wandered through the rows of tents. The night air was filled with hearty chatter and light laughter. The closer they moved to the center of the camp, the louder the liveliness got.

Eventually, before them, was a section with rows and rows and rows of table sets. hundreds of elves were eating their fill of what looked to be some type of stew. Aden's stomach growled furiously like a wild animal as he smelled the scent of the broth; it startled Noriko, Brian, and the elves passing by.

The three teens luckily didn't have to wait long. Prince Elric came running up to them, along with Alva. "Glad you could make it!" Prince Elric expressed his sincerity with a curtsy.

Alva quickly caught up with him. "I as well. Go ahead and pick a table. I'll get you some stew our cook made!"

"Thank you very much." Noriko replied, ever the one to take charge. "By the way, if you could give Aden a bigger bowl, we'd appreciate it. He seems to be the hungriest out of all of us."

Aden was surprised at Noriko's generosity. Those bowls the Elves were eating out of were huge! They could perfectly fit in his two hands! a bowl bigger than that filled with food…he didn't deserve it!

Before Aden could express these thoughts however, Alva nodded in agreement to Noriko's request. "Sure thing! I imagine you and Brian might also want a bigger bowl, considering they're so small. We're running a bit short on food so we've had to ration ourselves, but you're growing teenagers so…we'll, I'm assuming you are." Alva glanced between the three of them, an unsure frown on her face. "You sure you three don’t know anything about yourselves? Not even your age?"

Noriko shook her head in response. "We don't. But if I had to make a guess I'd say we’d have to be around 15 to 17, for me and Brian anyways." Noriko glanced at Aden. "As for Aden…13 to 14?" Noriko didn't really know what to think. On one hand Aden did look like someone above their tween years, despite their height. On the other hand, Aden often acted very childlike.

"No." Aden corrected bluntly, much to the others shock.

"So you do know how old you are?" Prince Elric inquired.

"No." Aden repeated, shaking his head. "Just know am older than that."

Prince Elric didn't know how to respond. He simply nodded to express his understanding of the answer. The conversation was abandoned and after a brief moment of awkward silence, Alva cleared her throat and politely excused herself, urging Elric to come with her.

The three teens took the nearest empty table set, and waited for their food. It was all just pure silence at first, until Aden couldn't keep his concern contained anymore. "Are you sure I havi…can have that big a bowl?" He inquired softly.

Much to his surprise, Noriko and Brian glared at him with disbelief.

"Aden…" Noriko began, a slight frown on her face. "Your stomach has been growling for hours now. You're clearly starving."

"It not bad." Aden reasoned. He didn't want precious food to be wasted on him. That could be given to others!

"Dude, why are you complaining? You're being given extra food!" Brian put his own two cents in, so confused by Aden's reasoning it was pissing him off. "Just dig in and enjoy the meal…once it comes." Brian muttered the last part under his breath, tapping his foot impatiently on the bare ground below him.

"Brian, it's only been a few minutes. They're probably just preparing another batch." Noriko attempted to calm the ball of frustration next to her.

"Tsk. This is why fast-food is better."

"Fast-food is bad for you."

"Whatever mom! There isn't even one in this…world! damn it!" Brian slammed this fist against the table, and the three teens jumped in shock as the wood table cracked from the sudden pressure. Thankfully it was still intact, but Brian grew frustrated at this development and furiously massaged his temples, ignoring the glowing gem on his hand. "I hate this. I just want to go home…"

Noriko's normally emotionless expression soured as she looked down to the ground in dejection. Aden watched this somber moment, sadness filling his heart.

"Here not so bad." Aden attempted to comfort his new friends. He didn't like it when they were sad. "Big and full of people? Food? Shelter?"

"You're not exactly wrong, Aden." Noriko replied, composing herself. "It's just…a bit hard to enjoy it considering we don't even know who we are, or why we're here, or how we even got here." Noriko let out a tiny sigh, turning her head to stare at the crowd of elves around them. "Last night and today have been anything but pleasant."

Perhaps the conversation would have continued, but Alva herself finally came around; carrying three bowls of stew on a tray. She placed them in front of the three teens with a soft smile. "Sorry to keep you waiting. We had to make another batch."

Noriko glanced at Brian with a raised eyebrow; almost as if saying without words ‘I told you so.’ Brian rolled his eyes in response. "…Thanks." He muttered, before instantly digging into his food. The first spoonful that entered their mouth drew him in. Tasty!

"Ittadaki..." Noriko attempted to place her hands together in a prayer…but realized that she only had one arm, and couldn't do so. She stared into space for a bit, almost dazed, before grabbing the spoon with her hand and scooping some of the bowl's contents. "ittadakimasu..." She muttered quietly in Japanese; drinking the contents and sighing in bliss at the taste.

Aden clasped his hands together and closed his eyes without a second thought. "Our father who art in heaven, hollowed be thy name…" He recited the lord's prayer in Spanish, and then a hail Mary, before finally scooping a small portion of his meal and swallowing it. His eyes lit up at the amazing taste, and he dug in; practically inhaling the entire stew in less than 20 seconds.

By the time he was finished, Noriko, Brian, and Alva stared wide eyed at him with their still unfinished meals. Did Aden do something wrong? Please tell him what he did wrong!

"…What was that whole thing you were saying? A prayer or something?" Brian questioned. It wasn't the main thing on his mind. He was more stunned at how Aden ate that entire meal in less than half a minute, but he knew that if he asked about that Noriko would chide him for his 'rude' question.

"It was The Lord’s Prayer." Noriko answered bluntly; her lips pursed with concern. She was almost impressed by Aden’s speed-eating, but more than that she was worried. Aden needs to slow down or else he’ll choke on his food one day.

"…Are you two talking about religions?" Alva couldn't help but inquire, her eyes alight with curiosity and excitement. She took the final empty seat next to the three teens, and pulled out a journal from the satchel she carried with her. "Do tell me. If you’re all from a 'different world' like you've said, what gods do you worship there-"

"Alva! Do come dine with me!" Shouted Dr. Elfrida from afar, eating her meal all by her lonesome.

Alva seemed a bit torn at having to leave after discovering a gold-mine of culture and history, but answered to Elfrida's call, waving goodbye to the three. "Keep an eye out tonight. The prince and Captain Gonzalo are going to perform a live duel in a few minutes. I'm sure you'll enjoy the show!" She spoke with enthusiasm before prancing towards Elfrida's table.

With Alva's disappearance; the table was encompassed in silence once more. Only after Noriko and Brian finished their meals did Aden break the ice. "Diantha still not awake…" He commented with a frown; surveying his crowded surroundings in hopes of finding that colorful girl. She reminded him of the holy Mary. He liked her a lot!

"We'll have to ask Dr. Elfrida how she’s doing after dinner; I’m a bit worried as well." Noriko stated; searching for a towel of some sort to wipe her mouth with, but finding nothing. Therefore, she begrudgingly used the end of her skirt.

Brian rolled his eyes at the two’s worrying. "I'm sure she's fine. She may be a stereotypical bubblegum blonde but I can tell she ain't fragile…sure is dumb though."

"Brian!"

"What?! I'm not wrong?! Who the fuck eats wild berries without knowing what they are?!"

"Why are you so quick to judge Diantha like that? You've only known her for a day and she's already on your bad side?"

"Yeah! And you'll be on there pretty soon if you don't stop nagging me!"

Noriko shook her head at the threat and collected all the now-empty bowls on the table. "I'm going to find where to turn these in. Aden, would you come with me?"

"Okay!" The red-head happily agreed; scrambling out of his seat and scampering after Noriko.

As they walked further and further from their table. Aden glanced at Brian, who rubbed his forehead in agitation. "Is Brian Okay?"

"He's probably just a cranky riser, don't worry about it." Noriko attempted to reassure Aden. Her dull tone did little to ease the boy's worry, but he decided to take Noriko's word for it. She's very smart. Of course she'd be right!

He followed Noriko as she asked around for directions on where to turn in the bowls…at least for a while, because suddenly a gleam in the distance caught his eye.

A ways off from him and Noriko was Prince…Elric? Yay! He finally remembered! And that huge elf he saw in that large tent. He couldn't remember that elf's name, but he could somewhat see that the two were standing back-to-back; wearing protective armor and wielding swords. The audience surrounding the stage the two elves stood on waited for something to happen with bated breath.

He wanted to get a closer look, and so, forgetting Noriko, he skipped towards the stage. He wasn't able to see anything over the audience's heads, considering they were so tall; and he sighed sadly. He didn't want to bother them, so he'll have to go back-

“Hey there little guy? You can't see?" Said one of the elves next to him. This elf looked the strangest to Aden. He was chubbier than the others, and wore a pair of glasses Aden couldn't see through. He was clad in monotone colors and wore a short cape. His hair was light and his skin was yellow, like Alva’s.

Aden answered this elf's question by shaking his head. The elf in response crouched down to the ground, giving him a friendly smile. "You can ride on my back to see the show if you like?" They offered.

Aden was a bit hesitant; as he didn't know this elf. The elf seemed to understand Aden’s hesitance and introduced himself. "I'm Napoleon, the local scientist. I've heard all about you and your friends from Alva."

If Napoleon was friends with Alva, then Aden was friends with Napoleon! "I'm Aden!" He gave his name; climbing on the elf's shoulders in excitement. He nearly gasped as he was suddenly lifted high up. He could now see the world at greater heights on Napoleon’s shoulders; the view was spectacular! He could see Prince Elric and that other elf on the stage perfectly!

And just in time too, as the two elves marched away from each other, towards the end of the stage. With each footstep Aden felt his heart tighten more and more. What were they going to do?

His question was answered when both turned on their heels and sliced at each other; their swords clashing and producing that gleam Aden saw earlier. He covered his ears, startled at the noise. Now he knew what they were doing! They were fighting! Aden doesn't like fighting!

"Why are they fighting? Something bad happen?" Aden urgently questioned Napoleon.

The chubby elf let out a small snort. "S-seriously? You…They're fighting for sport, not to hurt each other." He attempted to explain, much to Aden's confusion. Napoleon shook his head with an amused smirk. "Don't worry, it's just a duel. Casualties are a big no no."

…Oh yeah! Aden knows what duels are! There are tons of them in the stories he knows!

He was still a bit concerned of course, but duels had rules. No one would really get hurt, therefore, Aden watched the duel with great interest.

After their swords clashed, Prince Elric swayed to the side; as graceful as a swan. He attempted to catch Captain Gonzalo off guard and strike him at the side.

the large elf was quick to dodge; making his strike towards Prince Elric's back. The prince dodged as well however, and rolled away from the larger elf.

Unfortunately, rolling away broke Prince Elric's balance, and it took a while for him to steady himself. By then, the large elf had caught up, and lounged his sword towards Prince Elric's chest.

The prince barely managed to block this attack with his sword, and pushed the large elf's sword out of their hand; pointing the tip of his weapon towards their throat.

The duel was over that quickly, and the audience clapped their hands in glee; cheering for their prince over and over again. the large elf stretched his back with a proud smile on his lips, and helped Prince Elric up. After waving at the audience, the two descended down the stage and…curiously enough, headed towards him and Napoleon.

"Mr. Sapienti!" Exclaimed the large elf, adjusting the hat on his head. "What did you think?"

Napoleon wasted no time in expressing his thoughts. "Your mentoring has payed off! Prince Elric has become an excellent swordsman Gonzi."

…Oh! Captain Gonzalo! That was the elf's name! Aden remembers!

"I wouldn't say excellent." Prince Elric countered with a sheepish, uncomfortable smile. "I still have a lot to learn. I’m nowhere near close to my father's level, let alone yours Gonzi. I could tell you were going easy on me."

"Oh you're way too harsh on yourself Elric; give yourself more credit." Captain Gonzalo reassured the prince next to him, patting his head. "I gave it my all on that stage. I'm just getting old."

"You can say that again!" Napoleon laughed out. "I remember when I was just my father's lab assistant! A young chap! And there you were with your smooth skin and jet-black hair the ladies would sing about. Now I see wrinkles and a few grey hairs on that head…maybe you should retire after this expedition?"

"Maybe I will." Captain Gonzalo let out a hearty chuckle, and playfully hit Napoleon's shoulder. "I'll need to complete one more mission first, of course." He lifted his gaze towards Aden, who continued to rest on Napoleon's shoulders. "I see you met Aden huh? How are you little one? Did you enjoy the duel?"

"Exciting!" Aden assured with a bright smile; it faltered a bit however as he glanced between Elric and the captain. "…You two are not hurting though?"

"Me and Gonzalo are perfectly fine. The armor we're wearing protects us from any damage; not to mention those swords we were using were purposely dull." Prince Elric's answer satisfied Aden, and he giggled in joy; glad that the two were okay.

"Where are your friends?" Prince Elric continued. The question caught Aden off guard for a moment. He forgot about Noriko and Brian!

"Don't know." He answered with a shrug. "Noriko and me left to bring back bowls. I saw stage and went to see."

"You told Noriko, right?" Napoleon asked, a hint of concern in his tone as he glanced up at Aden.

"No."

"…I should probably bring Aden back to Noriko, she must be worried sick." Prince Elric decided.

Captain Gonzalo nodded in approval at his suggestion. "I bet. Napoleon?"

"Already on it." The scientist muttered, crouching down and letting Aden slip off his shoulders. "You're as light as a feather little guy. Need to get some meat in those bones."

Prince Elric offered his hand to Aden, who took it without hesitation. The two teens wandered off in search of the one-armed girl.


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Sat Sep 04, 2021 10:25 am
RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey!

RandomTalks here with a review!

I like how this chapter was narrated more from Aden's point of view. I feel like we have heard from a lot of the characters but never really seen Aden take the front wheel for long. I guess it is understandable. He is very child like and does not really have a large attention span. The way he keeps distracted and goes leaping towards the very first thing that catches his eyes is just like a child. Still, I know that the other three are extremely protective of him.

This chapter made me feel like they have not forgotten everything. Or even if they have, some habits and facts settle down so deep in your bones that you really cannot shake them out. I think this why Aden was so sure that he was older than 12, and why Noriko's hand automatically lifted in prayer when they sat down to eat. It is actually quite interesting how this memory things work.

So far, I think that these elves are more or less safe people. At least they don't seem to mean them harm any time soon. I feel like they are curios about them more than anything, but I still cannot be sure.

This chapter had some major problems with capitalization. Many of your sentences started in the lower case and you really need to fix them.

Otherwise, another great chapter.

Have fun writing!




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Wed Aug 11, 2021 4:45 pm
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Heyyyyy! Forever here for a review!!!

Apart from the great chapters that you write, I should say you are great at art too. The drawings of the characters that you drew make it much easier for the readers to imagine. And yes, this is just a request, make a pic of Aden without the tape. I mean make a pic of the present Aden.

What was the prince's name again? He knew it started with an e.

This is definitely relatable. Like I forget the names of people a lot of times and only the first letter says me "hi and hello".

A ways off from him and Noriko was Prince…Elric? Yay! He finally remembered

I don't think this is quite valid. See earlier, Alva spoke to them about it and at the time, she told Elric's name. Maybe just add it over there. Then it would make more sense.

Now, you have gotta do something- correct the spelling of duel. Throughout the text, it was spelled as dual and that doesn't seem to go with the context. I think you meant duel, judging from the story itself. Just go to docs and correct that.

Alva seems to be a good woman, I told this earlier too, I guess. She seems to be quite friendly with everyone around, including the 4. Also, you managed to give a glimpse of her professio. In the chapter by showing her interest in knowing the Earth and its history stuffs.
I really like how you managed to provide these little descriptions time to time.
And... Unfortunately, it's kind of becoming a trio instead of a quatret. It's been long since Diantha is sick and can't participate in the adventure. If I am not wrong, she is sick since chapter 7(for four chaptera that is now). So, ah make her recover from her current stage of health. I hope we will get to know about her in the next chapter cuz Noriko mentioned that they should see Dr. Elfrida. Dr. Elfrida doesn't really seem very concerned about her.

Are they going to go to some war? If I am not wrong, that is gonna happen. The fact that Prince Elric was talking about some captain thing makes me think so. He seems to be self-sabotaging. I was wrong with the character interpretation of Prince Elric at the first instance. He doesn't seem to be a bad person. He seems quite cool.

Aden appears a bit funny sometimes and I like the repetition that he had not told Noriko about it. The same happened in the last chapter, I guess.

I am glad that they are kind of getting accustomed to this new World they are in and it doesn't seem to be a very bad place for them though i wonder about the long term effects of what is gonna happen. I am smelling some adventurous stuff.

Overall, it was an amazing chapter.

Keep Writing!

~Forever






Thank you so much for pointing out my misspelling of Duel! I corrected it in every instance I noticed. I also changed the fact that Elric's name was mentioned before Aden remembered the name.
Glad you liked this chapter and I hope your patience doesn't run thin in terms of finding out about Diantha's health. It might be a few more chapters. ^o^




We know what a person thinks not when he tells us what he thinks, but by his actions.
— Isaac Bashevis Singer