Young Writers Society

I loved reading this RavenLord it definitely is a nice poem, keep writing your real good at it.

Wow I really enjoyed this poem! I LOVED the last stanza the bittersweet warm chest and burned tongue. Really moving and great way to finish off. I also love the title name.

Hi there RavenLord! I thought I'd stop by with a quick review on this touching poem <3

I love how simple and to-the-point this poem is. You don't use any fancy language or elaborate imagery and it's so much stronger because of that. But where you do choose to use imagery, it's concise, clean, and very impactful. The overall effect is that it comes across as very down-to-earth - and I can tell this writing comes straight from the heart.

I also like your repetition of the phrase "I don't remember"; as the narrator recalls all the different things they can't remember, you can really sense their regret, and it builds up all the way to the end of the poem.

I remember how she felt, how she sounded,

but the precious moments escape me

because the anticipation of the next time remained.

Now my ears and my arms are empty.

The sharp taste and the lingering sweetness

brings to mind past sips, but then the flavor fades

and I am left with a warm chest and a burned tongue.

..This is just-
okay, I'm not a tea-drinker, in fact I don't even like tea, but this..poem made me want it. Okay, okay, that's not the point.
I love that you hold the memories that you had with your great-grandmother so close. It makes me feel really warm and fuzzy. It's crazy how the most minute things can wash over us in such ways, right?

I don't really have much of a critique to give you - I just really liked this piece.

<3
IzzyWidgeon

woooow you just posted this two minutes ago
I'm early for once lol,

Anyways- on to the review


❌❌❌ MINUSES ❌❌❌

The punctuation. The moments where that is the most just.. CLEAR, is in the first stanza. Second verse, full stop. Fifth verse, comma. Aaaaaand three verses later, a final verse and full stop. It sounds unimportant and useless to point such a small thing, but truly, it's soooo much more important than you think. First off, the rhythm. since the full stops are kinda all over the place, there's some unnecessary pauses and blanks that could be avoided, and the commas don't really help with the flow either, although the one in the first stanza was a huge relief. It's a minor issue, but it really disrupts the flow, so a bit of polishing on that would help this poem a lot.

✅✅✅ PLUSES ✅✅✅

Just.. WOW. I am so impressed !!!! the heart wrenching verses, the delicate and yet
nostalgia-inciting writing this has.. it's just absolutely touching ! Your style is immaculate, it has this airy feel to it, and yet it feels.. dusty almost. There's just such melancholy and other feelings that point to nostalgia, that it is simply a literal masterpiece. It has this bittersweetness to it, and that last line on the first stanza. Oh that last line. It completely breaks the calm and collected beginning of your poem and that's when the reader knows, that this is going to be one of those poems that stay on your mind for weeks. No, really, apart for some polishing to do, there's not much I have against this poem. Great poem and an even greater continuation to your writing 💜