Look up at the stars, little heir to fate.
See how they gleam
How they drip light,
How their bodies are swollen with untold stories
Stories that have yet to unfold,
Stories of heroes and monsters.
**********
Turn your attention now, descendant of the gods,
To the dark patches between the pinpoints of light.
These are stars too.
These are stars that have expelled their tales
Into the unknown
Down into the world to be born.
**********
And now listen, child, listen to what they have given us.
**********
Once upon a time
There was a little boy with eyes full of night.
Son of a scholar,
An obedient Servant of destiny
Silent and watchful
Beyond his years.
**********
Once upon a time
There was a young man with eyes full of the future.
Looking forward
Aiming for the moon when he could only ever touch the clouds.
A hesitant Sisyphus,
Pushing, but never pushing quite hard enough.
**********
Once upon a time
There was a man with eyes full of love.
He loved his wife and child deeply
Letting the boulder roll to a stop
For a short breath as he
Held the beloved Muses close to his breast.
**********
Once upon a time
There was a man with eyes full of hatred.
There was a gun raised to the heavens.
There was a cry in the night
As regret poured from the lungs
As blood pours from an open wound.
**********
Once upon a time
There was an old man with eyes full of past failures.
They worry at his soul like an eagle’s beak,
But the boulder rested not.
Weary bones cried out in protest, the regret hardened to a bitter throb,
Yet still he pushed, unceasing.
**********
Once upon a time
There was a man who pushed too hard.
His knees buckled under him and he lost his footing.
The boulder rolled, as it always did,
And it did not stop to swerve.
The man, after so many years, lies motionless at the hill’s base.
**********
Now, little one,
The stars have grown silent.
Take a moment to think,
To ponder
Is this a story of a hero or monster?
Or simply a tragedy of a man?
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hello there, my favorite bird! I've got some fresh mice for you, yes I do--
Er... Uh... I mean...
Ahem. Here's a review!
What I Like
Hamilton v. Burr. I can see it so clearly... Unless I've mixed up, I think I can see similarities between this and Hamilton in the lines of your poem, and I love that!
What I Dislike
I think you should have mentioned the boulder in the other stanzas like @TheWeirdoFromBeyond suggested.
In Summary
Is it possible to marry poetry? Can I have this poem's stanza in marriage? XDI really just loved this poem!I'm a couple months late, but I wanted to say that I loved this so much
Thank you!
This is Weirdo, here with a review for review day. The usual stuff-
Please know that nothing in this review is meant to offend you or your work. This is just my opinion, you and other readers and reviewers could disagree. You also might want to completely ignore this, after all, it's just the opinion of a random person in the middle of somewhere. Sorry if I miss read something or misunderstood something and pointed it in the review. I didn't have the time to go through the previous reviews, so sorry if I repeat something already said.
That being said, let's get into this review.
I loved the poem a lot, but there was one thing that I felt could improve it.
You have referred to a boulder in the following paras
I think it would be better if you had made a reference to the boulder in the other paragraphs too, but this is totally up to you, and also in the last paragraph, you have used 'a tragedy', and I think it would sound better if it was 'the tragedy' (only my opinion).
I also wanted to say that I love how you ended it, especially the repeating of heroes and monsters thing.
Hope this helped
Weirdo out
HEEYY!! I am B, I will try to make this into a review!!
First off, I am going to state the good things...
I love your poem, and the way that it is set up, and worded.
I have no idea why, but I love this part...
"Look up at the stars, little heir to fate.
See how they gleam
How they drip light,
How their bodies are swollen with untold stories
Stories that have yet to unfold,
Stories of heroes and monsters.
**********
Turn your attention now, descendant of the gods,
To the dark patches between the pinpoints of light.
These are stars too.
These are stars that have expelled their tales
Into the unknown
Down into the world to be born.
**********
And now listen, child, listen to what they have given us.
**********
Once upon a time
There was a little boy with eyes full of night.
Son of a scholar,
An obedient Servant of destiny
Silent and watchful
Beyond his years."
I love how you put once upon a time in this at the beginning of every stanza.
And secondly, I think that you should have just added a little bit more wording into it in some places. And I would have been a little more specific to who they are talking about...
but overall, I loved this, it was great!!!
Keep up the spectacular work....
~B
Not bad, that is and amazing poem. I feel like the story of the people and the story of the stars may have been able to be a little better blended, but all in all, an amazing poem. Was this in anyway suppossed to symbolize the story of a specific person, or was it supposed to be relatable to the reader? Cant wait to hear more man.