in a kingdom of millions,
only a king can serve
the beauty that is
Miss Elizabeth.
to show my true love,
I would body slam
everybody who tried
to disrespect you.
Understand one thing,
my precious Elizabeth,
I'll love you for as long
as I last in the WWE.
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Hello!
This poem had a kind of funny wistful, lovey-dovey feel to it. I say it suited its purposes fairly well.
I like your mention in of Body slamming in conjunction to the reference to the WWE.
One thing I think is important to this poem but I don't see anywhere: who is Miss Elizabeth? Is she important to the WWE? why would this person stop loving her if he didn't last in the WWE? isn't love eternal and stuff? Or is Elizabeth also a wrestler? These are the important questions.
As a poem, this is simple, which can be good, but I found myself kinda shrugging at the end and saying, "eh." There's nothing really new that this poem brings to the table. It's a love poem, but there's nothing really new here, and I didn't feel anything when I read it. As wrestling is known for violence, perhaps you could make this narrator speak with burning passion, so passionate and burning it's almost like violence of words. Does that make sense.
I can see no particular places that are specifically wrong here. Just the poem as a whole is forgettable.
Let me know if you have any questions. I hope this helped!
Keep writing!
~fortis
Hello.
This declaration of love to Elizabeth is good at its honesty and sincerity. You definetely know about the rhythm in poems and it's great.
Moreover, you don't have any spelling or grammar mistakes, which makes a pleasure to read this poem.
However, your rhymes are quite weak sometimes or even you often miss them.
For example, the words "millions" and "that is" have only one sound in common, which is too little for a good rhyme.
Good luck in your work!
Not every poem has to rhyme, BROTHER
So, you pose it as a blank verse. I'm sorry.