Raelyn's unnamed novel

Chapter 1

"Come on Princess you don't want to be late," yelled Heath from the door.

"You know heath it is frowned upon to talk to people when they're in the shower. One may even call it an invasion of privacy!" I yelled over the hot water that poured over my face.

"Maybe I wouldn't have to if you had this thing called... I don't know time management," retorted heath.

Rolling my eyes I turned off the water, stepped out of the shower and dried. Then I wrapped my towel around myself. I opened the door and my brother smirked at me. His blonde hair was wild as usual. His smile reached his eyes. The only feature we shared was mom's deep forest green eyes. Other than that, his dad's features blonde hair, light skin, and a tall slim yet muscular build. Yeah it was pretty annoying having a twenty year old model for a brother. All my friends were like "Oh my is he single Zara? He is so hot!". Yuck!

"Go away you freak," I said turning on my heel and whipping him with my wet light chocolate brown hair. It smacked him harder then I'd meant. Which made sense considering it flowed down past my lower back.

"Wow! How rude. And here I was going to offer you a ride to school in Angela," he said. In that oh darn type of voice.

Angela was the name of his 1962 Shelby Cobra. Angela also happened to be the name of his X girlfriend in highschool. But he promises that they have no correlation. I missed Angela. She was one of the girls I actually liked, and wasn’t just a random model he was in a shoot with. The same old perfect blonde hair, blue eyes, and shiny white teeth got kinda old.

"Heath, over my dead body will you go to school with me again," I retorted slamming the door behind me.

Cringing at the memory of freshman year with my brother. Everyone had thought we were dating because we couldn’t possibly be siblings. I mean I get it, my honey brown light skin looks nothing like his pale skin. My wavy curly light brown hair looks nothing like his sleek playboy blonde hair. But when you saw my mama and father together me and heath it made sense. My mama was african american and my father was from london. How we ended up in Philadelphia was beyond me. But Heath and I both had the unusual deep green eyes so unique that was probably the only reason they finally believed we were siblings.

I dressed in my favorite light blue satin puffed sleeved shirt, white skinny jeans, and my normal brown combat boots. I finished it all with my usual black leather jacket. I grabbed my school bag, put in my airpods and listened to my morning get confident wake up song. So good by Destiny’s Child.

As I was walking out, Heath, through an orange at me. I rolled my eyes and picked up the now partially smashed orange, and slammed the door behind me. Then I opened it again and said:

“Bye older brother,” I said. My voice held no amount of playing like it usually did when I said it.

“Bye little sister, have a good last day,” Heath chanted.

I knew he didn’t mean to ruin the mood. I didn’t really want to go to school today anyways. I never liked the superficial goodbyes, or any goodbyes for that matter. But I wasn’t a coward so here I was walking to the bus.

I had my license but mama had taught me to keep the earth green whenever I could. Plus it meant I got to see Marzena. My best girl since we were babies. The one true person I didn’t know how I was going to live without.

As the yellow school bus pulled up I saw here waving her bangled arms from the window. Being best friends was Marzena was hard for only one reason. She was absolutely stunning in every way possible. She had warm caramel brown skin just like me, but that’s where similarities stopped. She was tall, yet still curvy. She had big warm brown eyes. Even though it was dyed her icy blonde hair that went down past her shoulders was gorgeous. Marzena was so approachable, chatty, and outgoing. I was more quiet until you got to know me type. I was better one on one. Whereas Marzena was a social butterfly. Even though Marzena had many people she talked to I’d always been her number one and best friend.

As I got ready to get on the bus I put my airpods away and walked down the aisle to sit next to Marz.

“Zara! Hey girl, how are you feeling?” Marzena asked sympathetical. Marz knew how I felt about goodbyes and the last few days.

“Oh um okay. Marz, what new with you?”

“Nothing much. Oh other than nathaniel,” she replied.

Nathiniel was her boyfriend, he was a great guy, but he was still an eighteen year old boy. He had his moments.

“Are we mad at him or is he on our good list?" I inquired.

“Not mad, we are just annoyed with him. He can be so confusing sometimes…” As Marz continued I was sort of listening, but if I was being honest it was hard sometimes. I was about to graduate, and I still hadn’t been in a relationship. All my friends had been in one or many. I sometimes wondered what was wrong with me.

“Hey I know what that look means, whatever you think you are worth it. Anyone who makes you feel any different to hell with them,” said Marz aggressively like she was ready to fight someone.

I wish I had her confidence, here ability to not give a crap about what people thought of me. No matter how hard I tried I saw them. There looks of distaste, there judgement. It should have been enough for all the people that told me I was stunningly beautiful. Hearing compliments made me feel good, but I don't necessarily believe what they are saying. By far the worst part was that so many people thought I was confident. I guess that's life, fake till you make it.

“Zara! Talk to me girl,” Marz's sharp tone startled me. I had gone back into my own thoughts before even responding.

“Sorry Marz today is just gonna be a hard day,” I stated.

“Well Zara when you’ve made up your mind that’s that I guess. I gotta tell ya though there are ways to go out, sad and depressed or with a party.”

I groaned. Marzena was the queen of parties. I hated parties. To many people all that superficial conversation, loud annoying noises. Then there was the uncomfortableness of the invite list. Inviting people was the worst because I was friends with people that either didn’t know each other or hated each other. So playing big happy fake friend's family was not what I looked forward to.

“Marzena I’d actually like to go out to Amelia’s for one more blueberry muffin and a cup of peppermint tea. Just you and me,” I said. Yes that sounds lovely, I think. I’d miss Amelia and her little bakery so very much.

“I’d like nothing better,” Marzena claimed smiling at me.

Sometimes I wonder why she did that. Smiling all the time didn't get exhausting. I see pictures around my house of me smiling, easily smiling. Nowadays I don’t smile much at all. Maybe I have forgotten, I don’t know.

As the school bus pulled up to the school it started to rain. It actually made me feel better, though you couldn’t tell. There was just something soothing about the consistent rain drops.

“God damn you clouds, could you not wait 5 goddamn minutes until we were inside,” Marz looked to me with a smile on her face, then it faded.

I think I was supposed to laugh at that, that seems like too much energy. I offer my best smile instead.

“Would you like me to walk you to biology?” Marzena asked me.

“No Marz, thanks though,” I quickly say. Getting up and waiting my turn to get off the bus.

“Okay, I’ll see you in math I guess,” Marz says.

“Yeah see you then,” I say. When I say that I am not really thinking about it. I guess it is just a habit. I walk off the bus and start down the side walk along the school to the entrance. You see I feel bad for rejecting Marz’s offer to walk me to my class, because she is my girl. The thing is it was way too much energy to actually be a friend and be in a conversation. I just wanted to drown out everything with my music.

As I put my airpods back in I shuffle my playlist of Destiny’s Child and Beyonce's new album Lemonade. My music was so loud I could feel my heeled combat boots hit the floor, but I couldn’t actually hear the click.

Before I knew it, I was at Mrs. Brockway classroom. I walked in and sat in the front, because nobody likes to sit there. I sat my book bag down and took out my airpods.

“Zara! Honestly are you deaf. I don’t care if it is your last day here, you do not walk into my class late with those ridiculous earbuds in. I can tell you they won’t have it in London either!”

The whole class was staring at me, and by the redness in Mrs. Brockways face it wasn’t the first time she’d called my name.

“Sorry Miss, I met no disrespect in your regards,” I said softly.

I might have been embarrassed that the class was staring at me, or that Mrs. Brockway had yelled at me. But I couldn’t find the energy within me to connect with those emotions.

To avoid any more problems with Mrs Brockway I pulled out my macbook and opened my biology google docs and typed out what she was saying. Enzymes, Substrates, Active sites, and so on. I knew they were all biology terms I was supposed to know, but everything was moving so fast. I looked out the window, it was still raining. I was glad the sun seemed to be bright, warm, and yellow.

Yellow was her favorite color.

“Zara are you paying attention!?” Mrs. Brockway was

If I hadn’t jumped at her screeching at me, it may not have been so obvious that I drifted off. I looked up at her as she towered over my desk. She shut my laptop and looked straight in my face.

“If you are not going to pay attention to fine, but don’t pretend to pay attention. Now for the students that actually do want to pay attention and not become future delinquent let’s continue.”

I just nodded and began to play with my hair. It was a bad habit and it always drove her crazy. She’d just shook her head, yet accepted it was a habit. Just like biting my nails, I almost chuckled at the one time she’d threatened to paint my nails with the stuff they put on stables to stop horses from chewing.

I quickly pushed those memories away. It created a sharp pain in my chest. It made my lungs clench and collapse. Every foot step Heath, Dad, and I took at home was taken was already heartbreaking enough. So thinking about her was a bad idea. Time everything heals with time. So if I could keep her out of my head long enough someday it would stop hurting.

Or maybe that is just what I told myself.

People started packing up and that was my cue, apparently class was over. I slipped my closed computer into my backpack. I began to put my air pods in when I heard my name.

I looked up in a daze.

“I don’t understand why you think drowning the rest of the world out with ridiculous distractio is going to make the pain go away Zara. She is gone! Moving away isn’t going to change that,” Mrs. Brockway said there may have been some sympathy in there but I couldn’t quite tell.

“Moving wasn’t my choice,” was all I said before putting in my music and walking off.

Right as I walked out I ran right into Marzena. Whom had been using a mirror to put them on her colored chapstick.

“Hey girl ready for algebra your favorite?”

I took out one of my airpods.

“No I just want this day to be over.”

Marzena frowned almost as if she were disappointed or I’d given her the wrong answer. I just looked at her waiting for her to start walking to math. She did and I followed her. I am half listening when Marzena starts talking again.

A group of Marzena’s friends came over and crowded us.

“Marzena! My girl,” one of them yelled. I escaped my way through the hall chat circle and made my way to math.

“Zara! Wait for me girl,” I didn’t turn to see if she was running after me. I didn’t care much.

“Marzena really you don’t have to keep making this day a glorious last day because it is going to suck. So why not just rip off the band aid now and say goodbye. You don’t have to make social sacrifices for me anymore, just let me go. Let me go let me go.”

What I said didn’t really make sense and it was not meant to make Marzena cry, but she did.

“You know Zara someday you're going to get tired of pushing everyone away,” Then Marzena stomped off.

I pulled out my iphone and called Heath. He picked up quickly.

“Yes little sister,”

“Pick me up, I wanna go h…” It wasn’t home not anymore.

“Wait a minute you want to carpool with me now…”

“Heath!”

“I am already on my way, be there in five.”

I put my airpods back in and was to the front office before I even knew it.

“What is your reason for leaving?”

“I am not feeling well,” I said which was true.

“Alrighty then I will have to wait until…” The front office lady was staring into the horizon.

I turned to see heath wearing his sunglasses and leather jacket. He walked like he was some movie star, the way the front office lady looked at my brother made me want to vomit. Now I really did feel sick.

“I nearly forgot that you were siblings, Heath darling how are you.”

“Just fine, here to pick up my sister,” said Heath. I swear his voice always became four times deeper every time we left the house.

“Let’s go,” I said to Heath.

“Oh know thank you you are the best brother in the world,” I glared at heath. He took the hint, and began to leave.

“Bye heath,” said the front lady.

I rolled my eyes as he blew her a kiss.

I slammed the door when I got into heath’s car.

“Woah take it easy on Angela what did she ever do to you?”

“What the hell was that Heath?”

“It is called making nice conversation you should try it sometime.”

“Can you just stop acting like that!”

“Like what?”

“Like some shallow playboy. Because you are not one! What are you so afraid of?”

“Maybe the one women that I loved unconditionally that was always supposed to be there, well news flash Zara she is dead.”

“What does your playboy phase have anything to do with her?”

“You don’t get it Zara.”

“Thanks for the obvious Heath.”

When we got home I went straight to my room and slammed the door. Or if you could even still call it a room. Ill I had was the boxes I had been living out of and a mattress on the floor. All of the pictures. I plugged in my airpods and closed my eyes trying to tune out the rest of the world and it’s issues.

To my relief my brother left me alone. One I had listened to every single song my Beyonce and Destiny’s Child I picked up the one book that I had saved Twilight. People made fun of you these days for reading it, though it was a fight on who was the most loyal fan years ago. I didn’t really read it since I'd known all the words.

There was a knock at the door and I rolled my eyes, Heath.

“Z I am home,” that deep thick British accent was not heaths.

I jumped out of my bed and went to the door. His warm chocolate brown eyes met my piercing green ones.

“Hi pops, how was work?” I asked.

“Filming was the same as always. There is Thai food on the table, let eat as a family one last time. Oh and Marzena mom keeps calling me, so please stop ignoring Marzena.”

I just nodded and followed him downstairs. Thai food filled my nose and was placed at the small coffee table everything else was stripped from downstairs. Heath was sitting on a stool servin his plate. We glared at the each other.

“Z, Heath lets have a pleasant last dinner. You guys can hash out your sibling rivarlry on the long plane ride,” said my father.

I groaned I’d be sitting by that for all the plane rides. I sat next to heath and served up pad thai and pad see ew.

We ate in silence.

…

I ran upstairs and got into my bed. I had 24 missed calls from marzena. And 15 text messages from her. I started to respond but sleep took my over.

I sat across the river, I was wearing that same dress. It had yellow chiffon off the shoulder sleeves. The rest of the dress was a silk yellow that went just past my knees. It clings to my waist. There is a silk ribbon that is tied around my waist. The night was an unreal blue and the moon lit the night like one of those unreal beautiful disney puzzles. From across the lake there were dancing fingers, they were as bright as the moon illuminating the water. The couple looked like they were from the Victorian time. Waltzing, and swaying from back and forth. The man faced me the whole time, if he were in color I’d imagine he had more brown eyes and slick black hair, and fair white skin like a baby's face. A smiled at the handsome man. The women’s pin curls bounced, and when she faced me I gasped. She looked exactly like my mother, yet younger.

It was her words that set chills down my spine.

“I am sorry,” she said. Her voice was somehow identical to my own.

Iron filled my lungs and that followed with a pain in my abdomen. And when I clutched my abdomen warm liquid drenched my hands. And when I lifted my hand to the light it was a deep scarlet red.

“I can’t protect you anymore,” said the woman again.

I screamed and the image faded and the image faded. I was in my room, yet it was stripped of all it belonged to, except for 3 boxes. My mattress that lay on the floor was drenched with sweat, and tears. I couldn’t tell the two apart really.

My chest collapsed, a tall shirtless blonde figure appeared in my door frame. I could barely make out who it was through my blurry vision. But the voice told me exactly who it was.

“Same dream again Z?”

I only nodded, I never told him what that same dream was but he didn’t care. He came over and kneeled next to my bed. Then he opened his arms to me.

“Come here,” he said. I let him engulf me in his big brother bear hug. Yet even when I pretend I fell asleep again, and he still lay next to my bed, the dream was not chased away.