Wow this is an amazing prologue. So intriguing and I'm now so curious about what's going to happen next. And I have so many questions, which is perfect. Keep writing!!
Prologue
She sat on the throne in the sky looking over the kingdoms that were decorated with bloody bodies of all kinds of creatures. This was when she felt guilty for her secret she kept. As she looked over all her people that were safe and untouched. All of those innocent that were slaughter. All those other that will never be known that will be forgotten. They’ll never remember each life that was taken. No they'd just remember it as the war that had taken many lives. Her daughter she was down there, she was broken hearted by the parents she had thought she’d lost. But it was better this way. Better she didn’t know her parentage. Or the raw power that it held. She had been selfish to protect her, sending her friend to tell her not to fight but to tend to the injured. She could do all this to protect the one she loves. It didn’t make her a monster…
“Your majesty, the sun is almost setting Ciro will be expecting our presence,” a voice peeped to her.
Ciro her soulmate. She didn’t even have to worry about him. While the living down there wore mourning and scraping together what was left of her world, she was of getting lost with her soul mate. Someday she would make this all right. She would, she would stretch herself to protect everyone. But for right now she could only protect so many. She had her proiritys whether they were right or not.
She had to protect those she couldn’t bear to lose.
Wow this is an amazing prologue. So intriguing and I'm now so curious about what's going to happen next. And I have so many questions, which is perfect. Keep writing!!
Wow this is an amazing prologue. So intriguing and I'm now so curious about what's going to happen next. And I have so many questions, which is perfect. Keep writing!!
Hey!
So I just thought I'd pop in a quick review.
It's very interesting, and I'm glad to see how you've progressed your story. Good work!
The only errors I can find are with your grammar and spellings.
Before I start, I'm sorry if this is too critical! Just trying to help.
The first sentence drags out a bit! Add a few commas or just split it. And a "the" before "bloody bodies" may sound better.
Generally, you can't start a sentence with "as". Join it to the previous sentence if possible by replacing the full stop with a comma.
"All of those innocent were slaughter." I'm sorry, but this is a boot confusing! What are you trying to say?
One more thing is that you mixed up tenses. You started out in the past tense, so you can't change now! So "They'll never remember..." becomes "They WOULD never remember..."
"Her daughter was down there..." This sentence needs to be worked on. The sentence construction is somewhat off. Here's how it could be : "Her daughter was down there somewhere, heart broken because of the parents she thought she had lost." I also removed one "had", because it distorts the meaning otherwise.
" Your majesty..." This sentence is too long. It needs to be looked at again! Use commas and semicolons to improve it. And the "sun is almost setting" doesn't seem to work.
"Your majesty, the sun is about to set; Ciro will be expecting you soon..."
You made a few minor spelling mistakes too: "Priorities", not " proiritys".
"Were", not " wore".
Otherwise, this is a very interesting read! Keep writing! Once more, I'm sorry if the review was too critical!
Hey Raelyn! Here do a review! As always, anything I say is not meant to offend you! I am here with only good intentions with what I say! 
I will start with what I saw could be edited!
Ok review time....
I think the biggest things I saw were that you don’t use enough punctuation, your spelling (very minor, I do it all the time), and that you switch tenses often. I do that too but it’s not as minor as spelling and can confuse your readers. I will give some examples now.
She sat on the throne in the sky looking over the kingdoms that were decorated with bloody bodies of all kinds of creatures.
This sentence, to me anyways, sounded very drawn out. If there were some commas, it would help with that. Also, I think you should use her name and not “she”.
Example: (Her name) sat on the throne in the sky, looking mournfully over the kingdoms that were covered with the bloody bodies of its creatures.[/b]
I switched up the wording a bit too but as always, it’s totally up to you!
Her daughter she was down there, she was broken hearted by the parents she had thought she’d lost.
Example: Her daughter, she was down there, broken hearted by the parents she thought she’d lost.[/b]
If you can see, I broke it down and it made it sound deeper. I think anyways 
Also, watch how much you repeat one word. This is a perfect example. I took out the first “had” as well.
”Your majesty, the sun is almost setting Ciro will be expecting our presence,” a voice peeped to her.
This was a good sentence. I just wanted to point out that there should be a comma after “setting”. If you add behind after “peeped” and took “to” out, it would give a sense of direction for us to picture where the person is. Also, is it a girl or a guy speaking? Details!
One more thing to point out, I promise!
While the living down there wore mourning and scraping together what was left of her world, she was of getting lost with her soul mate.
It’s a good sentence but I think it could have been worded slightly less confusing lol
Example: While the living down there (down where?) we’re mourning their losses and scraping together what was left of their world, she was off getting lost with her soul mate.
As a prologue, it was great because it really had me curious about what happened! You could have added some names in there because that’s kind of what a prologue is for is to introduce your readers to a new world. Some names would have been nice.
I really liked it tho! I’m super excited to read those two chapters you have posted!! It’s awesome and although you have work to do, you really have a way of hooking your readers in. It’s awesome and sometimes that’s more important than a writing style 
Keep writing!
Your friend,
Honora <3
P.S. Just let me know if I was too harsh or anything and I will tone it down in my next reviews
Hello Amara_Rae_15!
Just here for a quick review. First off there is a real scope for the imagination in this prologue of your series! When I read it it really pulled me in and it made me wonder what was going to be next!
But I feel like this prologue needs a prologue. There are a lot of unanswered questions. What you could do is put it into past tense, I think it'll make a more solid start to your series. I also noticed that there wasn't a ton description. The first sentence of the story was the only description of where the main character was. But the first paragraph was about what she had done in the past and you really don't want to get to graphic about that. But it did make it a little difficult to read. Another thing you could improve on is grammar. I noticed a bunch of typos here and there and a few places where you got the past tense mixed up with the present tense. It isn't that huge of a problem so I wouldn't worry about it too much Okay one last thing before I go! This is a very minor problem that is easily fixed!
“Your majesty, the sun is almost setting Ciro will be expecting our presence,” a voice peeped to her.
Who was speaking to her? If it is going to be a recurring character that you could put in his/her name. But if not than that's fine. But when I read it, it was a bit confusing. If he/she won't be a recurring character throughout your series you could just say her servant or something along those lines.
Phew! That has got to be the longest review I've done yet! Please keep in mind that these are all just my opinions Overall your prologue was very nice. I really liked how you didn't drag it out or anything! I can't wait to read the rest of the series as you write them!
- Stellar Jay
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