Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
Chapter 2
Asterin was still mostly consumed by sleep, but she could vaguely hear the male voices exchanging conversation. A conversation that was hard to hear over clanging of...Hooves? She must have fallen asleep in the TV room and forgot to turn it off.
“Do you think she'll stay in that fragile mortal body?” One male voice asked.
“It will be dependent on her. She was shifted at birth and when they put her on earth with the earthlings she had no connections to her magic or flair. Though it is possible that she has still possessed her flairs to some degree. They are stunted though do to her mortal body, and the lack of magic in her environment,” said another male voice. She heard that voice before.
“Her scent it confusing it smell like she has her magic but it covered in that reek of human scent,” said the first male she heard.
“Keep your nose to your self Tarron.”
Asterin eyes slowly fluttered open. Sleep fully releasing her. Asterin’s vision was a blur, with a black outline from a satin hood she was wearing. A satin hood that was connected to a long satin flowing cloak. She was sitting on a horse in a black cloak. No. Please. Her hands were wrapped around a warm muscular abdomen of steel. Despite the warmth she recoiled sending a shiver down her spine. She’d been laying on that muscular back throughout the night. As the memories of the prior night pounded into her head, she flung her body backwards. Cold wind slapped her in face ripping her hood off. Nearly making her fall off of the saddle, as her body half dangled off the horse.
“I wouldn’t do that princess,” said the man riding next to her. Tarrant Arrowood he had called himself. The hooded man from her… dream.
Hanging off the horse she looked at the man riding on the same horse she dangled off of. He was wearing sleek black leather from head to toe. She looked over his powerful muscular shoulder toned for war, and fighting, She looked at his tanned neck. Then down at her cloak. She wanted to scream she was wearing his cloak! She was urged to throw it to the wind but she was cold and that cloak was the only thing keeping her body remotely warm. Her attire of cotton shorts and a tank top no use against the cold, Asterin eyes caught on his bronze hair that was a mix of gold yet dark brown and in place looked black. It was messy yet short and clean cut. Then she took in the back of his head, until fleshy peeked on the side of his head. His ears were pointed at the top. The wind smacked her in the face just like the sight of his ears.
“Would you stop being so stubborn and hold on to me?” Asked the man she had been evaluating. He didn’t turn his head to her.
She scrambled for his names. Emer… Emson… Emerson. Yes that was it Emerson Elki. Emerson Elki the man with pointy ears, the man that killed poppy, the man that she’d brawled with. Emerson Elki the man she’d never again hold onto, no matter the circumstance.
“I don’t cuddle dog killers,” she spat. Her voice hostile and raspy from sleep.
“For the hundreth time I didn’t kill your stupid pet,” he said with a flicker of frustration.
Good let me get under your skin, Asterin thought.
“Poppy was not a pet, she was a company and my family,” Asterin glowered. Asterin started to chatter and felt the snake in an ice bath as the winds kept slapping her face. Despite herself and the promise she’d just made she healed herself up and wrapped her arms around his abdomen again. Let her body be engulfed in his heat. His radiation of heat soothed her chattering. Asterin tried to keep her distance position herself further back in the saddle but it was a hopeless attempt. She could smell him. He smelled of spearmint, Evergreen trees, and tarragon. A strange mixture, but intoxication and inviting.His only inviting aspect really. But the strong smell of evergreen made her think of home. And the evergreens that surrounded them. The evergreen trees she had loved to climb as a child. His body was tense guarding, he probably lived like this even when he slept defense always up.
For the first time Asterin took in her surroundings. There were hundreds to thousands of assortment of trees. On either side of the green mossy trail they rode off. One tree was like a jellyfish and a mushroom, even in the sunlight it was luminescent. There were other massive trees that had luminescent little flowers decorating there branches. She’d never seen an assortment of such regal wildlife. The sun that illuminates this fairytale like environment was golden. Not yellow or orange or red, but metallic gold. Despite all that she had endured she smiled at the beautiful sight.
“Something funny princess?” the man Tarrant Arrowood asked.
“No Tarrant Arrowood I don’t find any of this funny. It is the sun I was looking at it,” She said he smile snapping back into a frowning glare.
“Please call me Taron. Even emerson calls me that and he hates me so calling me that won’t suggest anything,” he spoke.
“Fine Taron, What is this place? Why do I feel like I am stuck in some fairytale?”
“Fairytales are the worst wretched creatures to live in Silus why would you want to be stuck in that wretched creatures body.”
“You lunatic the fairytale I am talking about are stories. You know the one that go a little like pretty princess get stuck into some dramatic rouble and a big strong man has to save her from it.”
“Oh elf legends, and there are few like that. More often it is the females doing the saving,” said Tarron.
“ As unhealthy the activity of agreeing with taron maybe his is correct. Fairy Tales are creatures of the Silus forest, half and half fairy. Wings for land and tails for water so they can be terrors on land and in the water. They may be pretty but there fangs still sting like a bitch. Plus they leave blue bite marks on your skin for weeks,” Emerson informed, no warmth in his voice.
Asterin blinked envisioning these elf legends. Asterin looked at Emerson pointed ears, then gasped.
“wait … elf legends, pointy ears. You are…”
“Elfs,” Tarron offered. “Well of some sort.”
She blinked in shock. “So why do you keep your hood on, is it some kind of uniform?” she questioned cruley.
“No because I don’t want to freeze my flawless face. Emerson would wear his too but his is much to nice, actually he's not nice but noble. So he gave is to you to keep your mortal body… Which by the way kinda sucks for survival. Emerson is far to hard core to be scared by a little cold air,” he chatted.
Asterin clutch the cloak an act of kindness. It smell of him that intocating inviting mix of evergreen, spearmint and tarragon. Each smell individual yet so powerful together at the same time. Despite her attacking him he had showed her this act of kindness. Asterin heart hammered overwhelmed by this concept of elves, fairy tales, elf legends. It was all to much to fast and all so unbelievable. Yet she was sitting on a horse with a man with pointed ears. The fairy tales, the movie portrayed elfs as skinny long haired royal like creatures. Not muscular, sexy, middle aged warrior males. They looked human but mind blowingly alluring in unnatural ways. Kinda like a vampire, but no not at all at the same time. She wondered if there were vampires in this world. Whatever it was called.
“I thought elves were short,” she challenged.
Tarron howled with laughter. “We are one of the tallest creatures to walk these lands. I don’t know what the filthy mortal earth lovers told you but…”
“You know I am one of those filthy mortal earth lovers?” Asterin clarified.
“My apologizes princess.” he said.
“Stop calling me that,” demanded.
“And what might you like me to call you instead? Your Majesty? Your Highness?” He challenged.
“Asterin. Call me Asterin, you know my name,” Asterin informed
“Oh but Princess…”
“Listen you took me from I loved, I can’t out run so my only option is to travel with you brutes until… I am not gonna tell you my plans or my weakness, not that I really have any…”
“You don’t have a plan,” he crooned.
“Any ways! What I am trying to get at is that the very least you could do is call me by my name,” Asterin concluded.
Taron shrugged, “Suit yourself... princess,”
Asterin groaned in aggravation then she sat there. Taking in the complete silence between. The pure silence how nice it was… Asterin stomach growled. Asterin looked down feeling her cheeks turn red from embarrassment.
“Ah, the mortals need food, water, use of the lavatory much more often than us elfs,” Taron bragged. “Really us elfs can go weeks without the coddling of retounen, then constant need for food, sleep, heat, water…”
“Enough taron. Stop being such a prick if the girl needs food will get it. There is no need to make her feel a lesser because we have a natural ability of Stamina.”
Girl, What a low blow I am not a girl, Asterin thought to herself. Asterin was puzzled by this male. He was obviously not the chatty, vain, cocky, and self obsessed elf like taron was. No he was closed off, distant, and despite her usually talent to read people Asterin felt like she was staring at an empty book. Well a book that was so lost in a void you couldn't get to it.
Abruptly Emerson pulled the horse to the side off of the trail, causing Asterin to sway ever so slightly.
¨We make camp here,” Emerson ordered. ̈ ̈Taron set up camp, I am going to hunt.”
Emerson effortlessly dismounted, then he held out his hand but he wouldn’t face her, she started to dismount then he grabbed her arm and said:
“Asterin don’t do anything stupid, these are dangerous lands, espicalkt ri a human that has no knowledge of its creatures,” As he sait it he finally faced her. His face was young midlaged, but somehow old with the hundreds of years of pain and sorrow he had endured. His face structure was sharp and mascalime, he had a light stubble from days travel. His face was as sinkised as his arms. His hair was a dark brown bronze pushed back and cleanly cut despite itś messy tousled manner. He would have been a rich model on earth. But asterin wasn’t taken aback by his alluring features. Even though she never seen someone as unnatural handsome as him. No it was his eyes that got her attention, they eyes that had sorrow and rage all in one. The blue, yet green, yet grey eyes. Striking beautiful, and terrifying all at one. Like thunder and lighting. A story sky that what his eyes where. A face of a warrior. Shuddering all she could bring herself to say was:
“I won’t.”
Then he was gone. Asterin just stood there almost forgetting she was alone. Until Taron walked in front of her, hand crossed over his muscular chest, and the stupid wicked smirk on his face.
“I wouldn’t waste your time on him, princess,” he said.
“I don't you time on strange creatures I don’t know,” Asterin chimed rolling her eyes.
Then she took in his features, now that his secretive hood was off. His face match perfectly to how he talked. His hair was silky black and pushed back. He was utterly handsome but not like emerson was. His eyes were like sapphires, but dark and with the tiniest splash of violet in them. His face was clean, not even a stubble on his face. His face was a little less than then Emerson’s. He was tall standing in front of her. Six four at least. She was five seven so he towered over her.
Taron walked closer to her and whispered, “Oh Emerson’s not a creature, he is a monster.”
“You know you're calling yourself a monster two, your both…” she couldn’t bring herself to sat elfs. Saying it allowed made it to real.
“Ah elfs, you were an elf once,” Taron said playing with his pointed ears.
“I was no such think you fool, I am human you said so yourself.”
“Yes an unfortunate series of events has made you mortal, but you weren’t born that way.”
“Yes I was and if you hadn’t taken me in the middle of the park I show you the proof on my birth certificate.”
“Oh yes because it is just impossible to make a fake birth certificate, especially with magic to help you.”
“Right, just like it is impossible for a male to tell tale to pass time.”
An image played in asterin’s mind it was a woman with dark golden brown that was silky loose curls, with a silver crown to her head. The crown was not celebrate, but modest and nonetheless beautiful, like silver strands criss crossed and weaved. Her olive compaction was utterly beautiful, her beautiful green eyes were stunning under her long lashes. For the first time Asterin saw her twin, though this woman was far more beautiful and regal. Her light blue dress was a v neck with fluttered sleeves of mesh sleeves. There was a blue amulet in an oval that lay on her fair skin. In her arms there was a young child. Identical to Asterins baby photos.
As fast as the image came it was gone. Replaced by the image of Taron smirking at her. Then she realized what had happened.
“Stay out of my mind you bastard,” Asterin snapped in disbelief.
Tarron shrugged. “Just showing you the truth princess.”
Asterin glared at him.
Taron smirk widened. “Your kinda cute when your mad.”
“Oh? Lets see how cute I am when I knock out your pretty little teeth,” Asterin retorted.
Tarron just chuckled walked away.
Who was that woman? Why did she look so much like her. Asterin thought.
As if he could read her mind Tarron said: “I showed you your mother Rohanna, your mother queen of tala,” Said Tarron.
“I said to stay out of my mind,” Asterin groaned.
“I can’t read your mind, I can only show you things that are already there. It is one of my flairs,” he stated bluntly.
“Your what?”
“Flairs. There gifts you are given threw your blood lines or very rarely the gods.”
“Flairs...how many do you have?.”
“Two like most all elfs do.”
“Well if there is good gifts I am assuming there is bad gifts.”
“Yes very good. Indeed there are bad gifts they are called jinx. These are curses. Those are given in the same way flairs are. However a flair can also be a jinx,” tarron claimed.
“How so?”
“Let’s say your flair was to love. You would be bound to help all with their love and be able to fix it. Then how would you ever be able to find love for yourself. Or let's say you took advantage and made people love you…”
“Don’t tell me that is actually a problem it this world.”
“Well it’s more complicated than that.”
“Isn’t it always. Here the thing you are given a gift it up to you what you chose to use it for, that is what makes it good or bad.”
Tarron started at her which made her want to squirm.
“What?” She demanded.
“That was just really deep and thoughtful,” he said.
“Oh are you not used to woman that actually speak their mind instead of standing there looking pretty?”
“Wow, you are so much like your mother it is crazy. Though she has attained a filter and you know all the courtly bullshit. Before the crown was on her head… what am I saying she is still like that,” he said.
“What...What is she like, the queen?”
“Your mother, Rohanna, she is strong in every way possible. She is out right brilliant. I can’t really explain it. When you meet her, you’ll understand.”
“How do you know your flairs and jinx?”
“Elf parents take their elflings to the water of Satya…”
“Satya?”
“It means truth, elfs go there for a verus of reasons. One of them being for the Verum Sui ceremony. For the royals it is a massive celebration. I was at yours. Basically you are put in the lake by an elferly and the elderly is told by the waters what your flairs are.”
“Wait so I have a flair?”
“No not one, but three…”
“Three?”
“The most a flair and elf has ever had.”
“If I got from my parents who gave me the third…”
“A god,” tarron said he was committing on the color of her shoes. “Oh and that doesn’t include your magic.”
“Hold on magic on top of all this.”
“Yes all elves are born with magic, Princess.”
“Right and what are my flairs anyway?”
Tarron smiled.
“Well the first one is obvious… Beauty. The second one is communication. And the third is…”
Asterin didn’t guess. She was taken aback. Beauty well that was a lucky gift she guessed. Communication she was so good at arguing compelling convincing. It wasn’t her all this time. It was some stupid elf voodo. It was her third flair… the third. She was gonna be sick. It was real all of it. Her heart started to hammer. She couldn’t deny the proof. She wasn’t going to wake up from this nightmare. Because this nightmare was all to real. Suddenly she felt like she was running in honey. Stranded stuck, yet forever moving. Then Emerson came hiking up between the trees, she took one look in those stormy eyes and fainted. Her body was like a magnet to the ground. Asterin knew she dreaming.
Because she saw her.
She had dark caramel-blonde hair, eyes so amber then look like molten gold, her face was withered from her endless selflessness nonetheless beautiful, and her favorite red and white flannel. The woman she missed so much in these past days. Her beloved mother. Whom had always been there for her even as she lost the love of her life: Her father. Cass the man with dark emerald green eyes, curly black hair and black stubble from time to time. The man that had filled their house with smiles, joy, noise, and laughter. When Farren her mother had lost cass her father she’d been strong for Asterin. She let her sleep in her bed , waking up every hour to light another candle to snuff out the darkness of her nightmares. Her mother whom was so very tired, after spread herself so thin to be a good single parent with a job. No matter how long her shifts where at the clinic she always made time for asterin.
“I love you my darling, never doubt it,” said the angelic voice that soothed every tear drop.
Then without warning she materialized.
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter Hidden Heir Ch.3Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Woah. That ending really got me. I have to see what happens next!
Girl your making me day!
I still love Asterin so, so much xD The interactions - specifically the banter - between the three characters are also amusing to imagine; I definitely want to see how their friendships/relationships are going to develop!
Sooo, all throughout the chapter, I can still see some typos and autocorrect mistakes that can be fixed with a thorough proofread, like the first chapter. There are also some sentence fragments that could use a bit of fixing up. (Here's a discussion on sentence fragments that I found on YWS, if you want to give it a read. It's pretty interesting to see everyone's thoughts!) I don't want to harp on grammar too much, but there are some times where it gets a bit confusing to read because of a lack of proper punctuation and whatnot. An example:
I'd probably fix up the sentence fragments like...
Asterin's eyes slowly fluttered open, sleep fully releasing her. Her (changed "Asterin" to "Her" because you already said her name only 1-2 sentences ago) vision was a blur with a black outline from a hood she was wearing - a satin hood that was connected to a long flowing cloak. (Before, there were three "satin"s which is unnecessary repetition.)
There are a fair few sentences like that all throughout the chapter, so it's worth reading over again to play around with those a bit.
Other than that, the world is coming together quite nicely. It's going to be interesting finding out what everyone's flairs are, especially Emerson's since he's so adamant about hiding his. On the topic of Emerson, I can tell he's going to be the main love interest for Asterin (though I might be wrong haha), so I'm gonna keep an eye on him and his character development. I want him to apologise for "killing" Asterin's dog, gosh darn it! (I'm half kidding xD) I'm liking him so far though; he's rough, sure, but I can see he's kind enough to lend Asterin his cloak... <3
I also really like Tarron's arrogance and how Asterin can handle him. Again, I'm really loving the interactions between everyone! Also, main characters immediately adjusting to a new world is something I see all too often in books, so it's pretty refreshing to see Asterin feeling sick and questioning her flair for commnication and such.
The whole chapter does dump quite a bit of information about the new world onto the reader, which may be a bit overwhelming, I think? I don't really mind it, though spreading out all the new information might be an idea worth thinking about; we have a lot of process here, like the magic/flairs, Asterin's mother, and the history of the world, all in one half of a chapter. It's not reeeally a huge problem but if you can spread out the info a bit in the next draft, that'd make things just a bit smoother.
Take my comments with a grain of salt though - it might just be my personal taste, haha. Apologies if I didn't help much - if there's something in particular that you want comments/advice about, please do ask! And thank you very much for sharing this lovely piece <3 I look forward to meeting Asterin's mother; from how Tarron describes her, she sounds like someone I'd love to be friends with, hehe.
Thanks for this review. I will make those changes:)
Hey Raelyn! Here for a review!
Sorry it took me so long to get to it, for some reason thought I had reviewed it already...Oh well, better late then never! 







(My thoughts on Emerson anyone?)
Minor but not at the same time.
, but I would have ended it when she fainted and after her vision thing. That would have been like a woah! What just happened?
He's just so mysterious and sexy and big and uggghhh! I honestly always fall for the guys that are stoick and in all honesty, the brute like assholes!
But they're just so loveable! 
As always, everything I say isn't meant to offend you in any way. I truly have good intentions and just want to give you a hand!
They are stunted though do to her mortal body, and the lack of magic in her environment,”
Just a small spelling mistake..."do to" should be changed to "due to". I even looked it up becuase I was doubting myself
“Her scent it confusing it smell like she has her magic but it covered in that reek of human
scent,”
I think at the first "it", you meant to say "is". There should be a comma after "confusing" and "smell" should be "smells".
Asterin eyes slowly fluttered open. Sleep fully releasing her.
This could be one sentence to make it less choppy. Also, "Asterin" should be "Asterin's".
Despite the warmth she recoiled sending a shiver down her spine.
There should be a comma after "warmth".
Watch your descriptions...they are good but be careful for the "info dump". We have your whole book to figure out the details of your characters so just give a good, basic idea of what they look like and then fill in the details as you go. Otherwise, you risk an info dump.
“I don’t cuddle dog killers,” she spat. Her voice hostile and raspy from sleep.
If you have comma afer "spat" instead of a period, it wouldn't be as choppy again.
...wrapped her arms around his abdomen again. Let her body be engulfed in his heat.
Here, I'm just going to give you an example because it would be easier than trying to explain
Example: ...wrapped her arms around his abdomen again, letting her body be engulfed in his heat.
See?
Asterin tried to keep her distance position herself further back in the saddle but it was a hopeless attempt.
The wording here was a bit off. Maybe try to edit that a bit.
Example: Asterin tried to keep her distace by positioning herself further back in the saddle but it was a hopeless attempt.[/b]
But the strong smell of evergreen made her think of home. And the evergreens that surrounded them.
It's best to avoid using "But" and "And" as the beginning of a sentence. Sometimes it can be passed off but most times not.
Example: But the strong smell of evergreen made her think of home and the tress that surrounded them.
See? Same sentence eliminates using one of those words twice in such close proximity.
There were hundreds to thousands of assortment of trees. On either side of the green mossy trail they rode off.
This should be the same sentence I think...?
“Fairytales are the worst wretched creatures to live in Silus why would you want to be stuck in that wretched creatures body.”
This just completely confused me. I reread it several times and still don't really understand what you're trying to say...
“ As unhealthy the activity of agreeing with taron maybe his is correct...
I'm just going to do an example
Example: [i]"As unhealthy the activity of agreeing with Taron may be, he is correct...[/b]
The fairy tales, the movie portrayed elfs as skinny long haired royal like creatures. Not muscular, sexy, middle aged warrior males.
Should be the same sentence again.
“Stop calling me that,” demanded.
I demanded? She demanded?
Mastering looked down feeling her cheeks turn red from embarrassment.
Mastering?
Shuddering all she could bring herself to say was:
“I won’t.”
For one, the first part should be out of that big, long paragraph because it doesn't fit in with what you were talking about and for two, these should be put together.
“I don't you time on strange creatures I don’t know,” Asterin chimed rolling her eyes.
Wait...what? I don't understand what you are tring to say here.
His face was a little less than then Emerson’s.
A little less what? Muscled? Handsome? Sexy? Mysterious?
“Stay out of my mind you bastard,” Asterin snapped in disbelief.
How did she realize it was Tarron who showed her that?
“The most a flair and elf has ever had.”
Up until now, I was led to believe that a "flair" is a gift bestowed upon the elves...but now it sounds as if it's a whole other species...??
Also, just watch your capitalization because there are a lot of times when you are talking about a person or place and it's just a lowercase letter.
Ok, I know I sound like I'm nitpicking EVERYTHING because that's how I feel but I only have two more things to say.
One: WHO THE HECK IS MASTERING!? I'm sorry for the outburst but it is really confusing me. It almost seems like it is another person within her or something but I have no clue...
Two: Where you ended was a bit odd. It almost seems like you just got bored of writing and decided to post it right then and there. If it was me, which it's not so ignore me if you want
Anyways, that's all I have to nitpick. I apologize cuz it's super long.
It was great though! I am really enjoying where this story is going. It is very different and not at the same time! I'm really liking Emerson...if you couldn't tell from above.
I also really lke Tarron because he is just so arrogant. He makes me laugh. I think it's because I know so many guys that act like him that it just cracks me up!
The description is pretty good too. I like hw you made the sun different but not excessively different. It's just perfect for you rbook because that's how it all is. Different enough that it catches your eye but not soo different that you're just like, oh gosh how can I imagine of this crap! It's awesome! You really do have a lot of talent!
I love it! Keep writing!
Your friend,
Honora
MASTERING UGHHHHHHHH It is the auto correct of Asterin my main character
YES EMERSON IS MY FAV TOO>>>> Oh um you should see my slide show;) It has refrence photos of all the places I imgined them to be and characters:)
Ohhhhh that makes sense now XD I was so confused
sry... my slide show is on my wall somewhere
It%u2019s ok