Caged songs

Hello there!
It's been a while since I reviewed, so forgive me if I'm a little bit rusty. I'm going to start with some specifics about each stanza, and then give my overall opinion at the end.

I think the very first line should be formatted the way all of the others are. If you're going for repetition, you might as well make it complete by moving the first line down to join with the first stanza. The italics mark it as distinct well enough.

When the lullabies making them sleep

This seems to be a really odd phrasing. I would go with something else- and there are plenty of other ways. For example, you could say, "As the lullabies lead them to sleep" or "When the lullabies make them sleep". Don't be afraid to play around with it a bit- that goes for everywhere in the poem!

the eternal sky when glister within

This doesn't make much sense to me either. Is something glistering from within? He when doesn't seem to fit there either. You could go with something like, "the eternal sky glistering from within". Just try to work out what you want to say, the imagery you want to convey. Right now, I can't really tell what that is.

hovel old soot off from cremated smiles,

I hope you meant shovel here, because as far as I know, hovel is not a verb. I do like the image of old soot and cremated smiles, however! I like the dark tone and it's a very interesting phrase.

the loud pitches do call to beloved blood

When their quills no longer do remain

I realize that you're using some older language in this poem, and I can behind that, but using "do" this way isn't going to improve your work. I would suggest omitting it from both of these examples. The "do" hinders the reader, and it causes a little stumbling block in the line. Try reading them out loud with and without the "do", or in whatever other arrangements you want to try out. Think about how the line flows, and what rhythm is there! Again, apply this wherever you need to within the poem.

amidst the ethereal illumined roof,
but are deluged darkness; betwixt
the minuscule prison- alone and aloof.

I might suggest a comma between ethereal and illuminated here! I find it makes more sense with the comma than without. Also, I'm not sure how there is a deluged darkness when the roof is illuminated. Is the darkness surrounding the roof? The prison? What is the relationship here? Also, I think it sounds and feels a little better with betwixt on the next line, but I understand that line divisions can be a choice of style. You've been doing a nice job with managing the rhymes so far, just remember not to let the rhymes control you and create nonsense- it's better to have sensible writing and context and imagery than rhyme sometimes!

greets of the salubrious sun rays.

Maybe you want to use greeting here? That would be the proper tense and it makes more sense.

When carving wounds upon the pinion
did not aid inhaling the glee,
oh! when the teary eye did not dry
within rusting bars; they took it as a tree.

Although I like your wording in this last stanza, I can't tell what's going on. This is where your rhymes might trip you up. What is your goal here? Are they mistaking the cage bars for a tree? I like that idea, so if that's what you're going for, try to expand on it so that the whole stanza reflects your purpose.

In the end, I love your use of language, and you have great word choice, but you might just want to direct it a little more, and have a clearer purpose. It will make your whole piece more meaningful and understandable. You want your readers to relate!
Anyway, very nice job. Welcome to YWS!

-Falco