Threads, reflecting no light,
clasp me all over,
like a little sea shell
amidst the warm womb of Earth.
I flow to lands of which I dreamt
in dark sleepless nights,
leaving behind yellow brick roads
I sent my soul to.
Demons of the things I loved,
now tickle me on grassy lands,
it's these threads
I tell them, but,
they have broken theirs.
I look for the fingers
holding the other ends...
further intertwining myself amidst
endless entangles.
I carve forever a curve
upon my lips,
for the world to look and pass.
As,
the illumination within fades
to emptiness,
with 'me' lost somewhere in it.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,249 Literary Works • 673,070 Reviews
Hey there, RachitBansal. I see that you only recently joined the Young Writers Society, so welcome! I hope you're enjoying your time here.
First of all, let me say how much I love the layout of your poem. The unstructured, yet intentionally 'carved up' stanzas really help the fantasy feel of this poem. Your descriptions and symbols are beautiful, lines like leaving behind yellow brick roads and demons of the things I love pull it all together into a lovely little poem. It's full of emotion and conclusive- the last line left me thinking. I don't have anything to pick on, except in the last stanza where there's that single 'As'. I personally don't think it's necessary, it destroys the great flow of the poem. Otherwise, I love this! Thank you for sharing it.
Thank you so much! This was by far the comment I've reviewed on this site.
Hi, I'm dramamine and I guess this is the part where I begin to review your lovely poem.
Firstly, I think this poem contains some truly wonderful imagery. I also really enjoyed your writing style as a whole. I love the first stanza the most but frankly everything was great. I'm sorry for this being so short but I can't think of any good criticism to say about this poem. So congrats on your fantastic piece and have a great day!
Yes good point by you that we can't dream when sleepless but dreams are not what are seen during sleep
Wow, truly beautiful imagery! After reading this I was left wanting more, so I think that you could run with this a bit more, build up the story that you are telling, and end up with a gorgeous. poetic narrative. The only thing I was a little skeptical of was at the begging of the poem, when you equate the threads clasping all over to a seashell in the embrace of the earth. When I hear earth I think dirt and seashells are typically associated with beach/sand, and so that metaphor was a little disjointed and strange, in my opinion, however "the warm womb of Earth" was a great line! Anyways, thank you for sharing this, I loved it!
Thank you so much
First, can I say, that was great! The character in this poem had a few battles in his or her past, which makes this a perfect story. The words are with details and the sentence flows with ease.
Now, I think that a few more verses could be added to give a more surrounding of the world around he or she. But other than that and a few different word choices, I think it was great! Thank you for letting me read this. Bye.
Thank you so much
Your welcome. Follow me if you want more help. We have to look out for each other, us newbies.