Thrallmagic: Chapter 18

by TheCrimsonLady

Published November 16, 2015

16+ Language Violence

In Thrallmagic

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

Chapter 18

When I enter the great hall, gleaming tables covered with pale gold crepe greet my eye. The marble and ivory floors have been scrubbed with lye and herbs, and bouquets of flowers stand in every space available. Their heady perfume fills the air, along with the distant aroma of the meal that is yet to arrive. Nobody has taken their seats yet, and the wealthier of the merchants are still arriving, giving the heralds no pause. The commoners take their seats at the back of the hall, and the nobles vie for their seats as close to the High Table as they can. Servers circulate, holding delicate trays of wine and sweetmeats. I take a glass of thrallwine, and sipping it, look at the highbacked chair in the center of the High Table. That should be your chair. I smile bitterly, allowing myself a moment of honesty before I put my court face on. Turning back to the crowd, I take a long drink, looking for Lindon.

When I don’t see him anywhere, I reach out for him in my mind. Lin? When he doesn’t reply, I frown. As I chat with some high-ranking nobles about the latest court gossip- not including me, of course- I catch sight of Lindon amongst the throng of people. His jaw is bruised, and he has a black eye. Catching my gaze, he gives me a weary smirk. He shakes his head, as if to tell me that it’s nothing. What happened to you? This isn’t funny, Lindon. He shakes his head. Not now, Ria, I’ll tell you later, I promise. People are watching you. I nod to him before turning my attention back to the sons of a wealthy thane from more northern lands.

Their talk is utterly insipid, and I smile and nod until the chance comes for me to walk away. Sighing in relief, I take another sip of my wine. More people have arrived, along with the the lords of the twelve ruling clans. The musicians in the corner begin playing, and people take their seats. Prince Alexander and the other vampires are seated nearby, their guards alert, and looking uneasy. Feeling someone’s eyes on me, I look over my shoulder, and find Blathen gazing at me. Hiding a disgusted shudder, I turn away, trying not to think about what it will be like to be engaged to that. I take a deep breath, clearing my mind, and a distraction is provided soon enough when the musicians begin to play the song for the monarch’s entry. The herald’s cry is heard clearly as the room quiets as the commoners try to see Queen Guinevere over one another. My mother steps through the doors, clad in a dress of the palest blue, looking more like my sister than my mother. I manage to keep a pleasant expression on my face as she smiles sweetly at the crowd. Walking to the High Chair, she stands in front of it and smiles brilliantly at everyone before speaking.

“Thank you all for coming. Please, take your seats.” The room is completely silent, and I hide my grimace as I catch people looking at her in undisguised awe and admiration. “I am also pleased to announce the engagement of Princess Rionach to Prince Blathen Grigori of Ciardis.”

She smiles at me lovingly, and I smile back, my feelings just as disguised as hers. Around the room, a murmur starts, mainly from the nobles who are upset not to have made the match themselves. When she sits, the people cheer, and bile wells in my throat at Blathen leads me to my chair. I smile- of course I smile- but the reality of it all hits me as I take my seat. Struggling to stay composed, I finger a piece of lace on my dress, trying to think of anything but Blathen.

Are you alright? Why didn’t you tell me about this before? Ria, how long have you known about this? Lindon’s thought catches me by surprise, and I look at him sadly for a moment before disguising my feelings again. Perhaps this won’t be so bad, after all. Perhaps Blathen will be civil to me. Perhaps I can avoid this engagement and run away to Kherr. As the idiotic, impossible wishes run through my head, tears well in the corners of my eyes. Taking a deep breath, I calm myself, shoving all of my feeling deep inside me.

Chamberlains bring out the food. Platters of meat are brought out, and then the thin, soft wafers that the rest of the world knows as faebread. Heaping bowls of candied fruit and decanters full of ale and wine are placed before us. I help myself to a piece of a meat pie and mug of ale.

As I pick at my food, Blathen turns to me, a cruel smile spreading over his cold features. “I did tell you that you’d be mine someday, didn’t I?”

I curl my lip and sneer at him. “Aye, you did. You seem to have forgotten the part where I warned you that I’d kill you if you ever lay a hand on me again.”

He raises an eyebrow. “We’ll see about that, won’t we?” The entertainment for tonight arrives, a troupe of actors who are famed throughout the realm, and Blathen turns his attention to them, forgetting about me in an instant.

A human steps forward to introduce the troupe. Drawing breath, he says, “Your majesties, in honour of the vampire embassy in your kingdom, we have created a retelling of the original war between Valkyr and Lysian.” Bowing, he spins, spreading his arms, turning to the laughing and cheering crowd. “We shall tell the story of Queen Asterion and King Julian in this tale.” The people cheer eagerly as servers circulate with more food and the actors assume their positions. After finishing, he steps back, and the other actors disperse into the crowd.

A redheaded girl steps forward, and a dark-haired man with her. They clasp hands, and begin to dance as the narrator speaks. “These are the countries at play in this age old tale. To the south is Kherr, legendary land of the dragons.” Another girl, with golden scales painted onto her face, steps forward, and then leaps onto a table, smoothly jumping up onto the ledge of the ceiling. Fake wings extend from her arms, and she begins to dance, too, pretending to fly and breathe fire.

The narrator continues. “None had set foot in this land for thousands of years. The elves, to their north, in Ciardis, were not strong enough to take on the dragon-land. The northern countries of Erisek and Ascott were too concerned with the wars that had befallen them to care about an unseen land. Erisek, the land of the demons, was attacked by Eilestone, the city-school of sorceresses and sorcerers throughout the world. Ascott had fallen into a revolution, and the Wild Hunt was wreaking havoc with the tender, human lives that reside in the island.”

I sit forward, rapt in this retelling where the events of the past and the present are mixed together to create something entirely new.

The actors come forward, each of them representing a country, and from somewhere in the crowd, a woman begins to sing a deep, mournful tune. She’s joined by another voice, high and clear. The redheaded woman, who is clearly playing Queen Asterion, steps into the area that they’ve cleared.

“Julian? Where are you?” She looks around, smiling at someone unseen. King Julian, played by the dark haired man, joins her.

He swings her up into his arms, spinning her around. “I am here, my lovely fae-queen.” His voice is full of love, and when he puts her down, they wrap their arms around each other, growing more serious.

Asterion says, “My advisors are not happy with us. The Council hates all vampires. They push for me to leave you, to marry the prince of the demons, and join Erisek and Valkyr into one country.”

Julian smooths back a strand of her hair. “But you hate him, my love. You love me. Come. Marry me. We’ll go anywhere you want.” He sinks down onto his knees, gazing into her eyes earnestly. A shout is heard from the crowd somewhere, and he stands up. “I must leave you now, but if you will choose to come with me, be here, three nights from now.” He kisses her, then disappears into the crowd.

A man dressed as a vampire soldier steps forward, his blade unsheathed. “You whore! You’ve seduced our king, enchanted him into seeing you as someone good. Your kind was made to be killed.” Finished with his monologue, he lunges forward with his sword. She parries his attack well, and the fight seems natural, rather than rehearsed and staged.

Queen Asterion steps forward, her golden eyes flashing as she fights her enemy. “Die, you coward,” she yells, flinging a knife into the air. The soldier catches it as it touches his chest, and drops to his knees, falling down on the ground and pretending to die.

Queen Asterion flees the scene, and King Julian comes back. He inspect the dead body, looking sad. “Who could have done this? I swear now, on the life of my queen, when I find who killed my brother, I will make them pay!” He drags the other actor offstage.

A pair of men erect a marriage-arch in a few seconds, and Asterion enters, wearing a pale gold wedding dress. She draws a stone from her sleeve, using it to break an unseen lock. When two fae guards appear, she cries out in fear, throwing the stone at them in an attempt to buy herself some time. The dragon-girl leaps down from the ledge, catching the stone with a sad smile, and killing the men with a sweep of her wing.

“I know that you do not wish this marriage, Queen Asterion.” The girl holds out her hand in a gesture of friendship. “We of Kherr know that you love another.” Asterion steps forward, and takes the girl’s hand. They manage to vanish into the crowd, and the man who is playing King Julian enters, his face filled with worry.

“Asterion, my love, where are you? I have waited night and day for you, but you have not come as I thought you would.” A man dressed in Erisek’s colors steps forward, pretending to sneak up on King Julian.

The man lunges, quick as a snake, and thrusts a dagger into Julian’s heart- but misses, of course, as the actor who plays Julian disarms him, and stabs the Erisekkan. “Nothing shall keep me from my queen, you fool!”

Two other vampire soldiers come forward. “My king, there has been a skirmish with the faeries near the border. You must hurry to prevent the war!” The men run off as Asterion enters, followed by a dozen fae advisors.

“You must declare war on Lysian! You cannot allow them to go unpunished for this attack!” As the advisor speaks, Asterion grows more and more unhappy.

Another advisor says, “My queen, you must prove to your people that you will protect them. Many have heard of your trysts with the Lysian king. Your refusal to marry the Erisekkan prince has only made them more suspicious.”

Asterion shakes her head, dismissing them, and falls to the floor, weeping. “I cannot do this! I must keep my kingdom from rebellion. Julian, my love, what shall I do? To attack Lysian means to lose you, forever, but if I do nothing, my people will die needlessly!”

As she sobs, the singers that have faded into the background raise their voices again, the notes seeming to dance with each other as they sing. Finally, Asterion sits up, her face resolute. Calling a guard in, she says, “Send a messenger to Lysian’s king. Inform him that we are now at war.”

The scene shifts to the battlefront. King Julian and Queen Asterion stand at opposing sides. King Julian says, “I know what you did, Asterion! You were the one that killed my brother.”

The fae soldiers cheer, and chant“Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight!” Queen Asterion looks around sadly.

“I will not risk my men’s lives needlessly. I challenge you to single combat.” The soldier cheer, and as Asterion and Julian step forward, the room falls silent.

“How could you do this, Aster? You know what my brother meant to me!” As they fight, tears drip down both of their faces.

“I had no choice, Julian. I love you, and I will always love you. But he attacked me. I defended myself!” Asterion pleads with Julian even as she attacks him.

Julian’s face twists in anger and sadness. “And I have no choice but to do this, Queen Asterion!” He plunges his sword into her heart, and she falls back, holding the sword in place.

She looks back at her army for a moment, before she stage-whispers, “And I have no choice but to do this, Julian.” Swiftly, she kicks his legs out from beneath him, and plunges a dagger into his heart as he falls.

The narrator steps in between the actors. “So ends the tragic story of Queen Asterion and King Julian.” Turning to the High Table, he says, “So ends the war between Lysian and Valkyr. Let history never repeat itself.” He meets my eyes, and the queen’s eyes.

The actors all bow, and the man who had announced them steps forward again. “Queen Guinevere, we thank you for allowing us the honour of performing for such an esteemed audience.”

My mother nods graciously, and the servers bring out dessert. I eat the custards and fruit mechanically, trying to ignore the impending sense of doom that resides at the pit of my stomach.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Vervain
Review
Vervain wrote a review Review · Feb 11, 2016

Yello! As always, I'm reviewing this chapter rather than the novel as a whole, so I'll focus on what I see here.

Let's see—I usually start off with the first thing I notice, but the first thing I notice here is your paragraph lengths. Like I mentioned in my last review, you desperately need to split your paragraphs, especially when it comes to actions and interactions with different characters.

Other than that, I'd like to tackle your issue with repetition in this review.

You have characters repeat a lot of the same actions to take up space and fill time, in effect lengthening the pause between speaking, when it's not necessary in the least. But because you do this, it becomes very obvious very quickly that you just use the same words over and over again—in your second paragraph, you have "catch sight" and "catching my gaze" within two sentences of each other. You also have this:

He shakes his head, as if to tell me that it’s nothing.What happened to you? This isn’t funny, Lindon. He shakes his head.
I hope you can see why you need to go over your writing and edit for repetition based on that alone. Another big one is "smiling":
I manage to keep a pleasant expression on my face as she smiles sweetly at the crowd. Walking to the High Chair, she stands in front of it and smiles brilliantly at everyone before speaking.
And "nodding" can get there, though it's not quite there in this chapter yet:
I nod to him before turning my attention back to the sons of a wealthy thane from more northern lands.
Their talk is utterly insipid, and I smile and nod until the chance comes for me to walk away.


Like I said, these aren't all problems right now, but they'll get there very quickly, and this is my perspective as someone who jumped in a chapter or two ago. I would hazard a guess that this is a persistent issue in your writing, which means by this point, regular readers would likely be frustrated by the smaller relative amount of repetition that I pointed out.

I think I'll let you chew on that for a bit; it's the largest issue I saw within this chapter concerning technique. Keep writing!

User avatar
Questio
Review
Questio wrote a review Review · Nov 17, 2015

Firstly, a monologue is longer than that. Find a new word in paragraph 20.
Secondly, this chapter is by far the most interesting one yet. I love it. Great way to give background information. It has also provided additional clarity. Thank you.
Really the only other thing is that if she is so unhappy about everything, why doesn't she show it? Why does she have to pretend to smile and all that? Like I said in my last review, what is at stake if she shows her displeasure? I don't understand why all the secrecy, and the secrecy is what makes this story unique. Take some time to explain a little more.
Other than that, great job with the exposition and foreshadowing. Yes, I picked up that it was foreshadowing. Nice use of the technique.
I'm interested to see how Lindon reacts to all this. I wish we could see in his head... Oh wait, Ria CAN. Use that.
Good job as usual. I enjoyed this chapter quite a bit.
~Q



today we are possible.
— Lucille Clifton