Young Writers Society

Hi Plume! Lim here with a review.

General Thoughts and Interpretations

This was definitely an engaging poem, with its unusual imagery and creative lines. I like that the first focus of the poem is on the oil in salad – that was unexpected for me because when I think of salad, I think of vegetables. The tone of the poem seems to start out sad with phrases like “now there is no one” and the salt forming “pools” in the speaker’s eyes. Then after the repeated line “perhaps it is not my time”, the tone seems to become more hopeful, focusing on what might happen in the future.

My interpretation of the poem’s narrative is that the speaker is waiting for love of some sort. I like that you added dynamic verbs to this even though waiting is kind of a static concept. For example, though the speaker is waiting, they are envisioning “crashing”, something that is “plucked”, “dug” and “cut”. I thought that made this poem interesting and helped it flow.

Structure

I thought there was just the right amount of repetition in the poem. It helped create this melody and rhythm, for instance:

perhaps, instead– I will wait here.
I will wait here,
ripening & looking.
looking for someone

The bolded repetitions help create and carry over the momentum of the poem from line to line.

The line breaks also are placed in good positions, such that each line has a central image or message and also has room to breathe. I liked how the line breaks work here in particular:

to be plucked from the vine
or dug from the root
or even cut at the stem.

The pattern of three is both visible and audible when the poem is read aloud.

Another structural technique I liked was how you had the vowels of some words rhyme.

the way hearts shred,
the way dressings spread,
and the way oil and vinegar
merge together

The rhymes between shred/spread and vinegar/together add emphasis to this part of the poem, which makes sense because it’s describing the love that the speaker is craving.

Imagery and Narrative

As mentioned, I thought the use of imagery here was creative, such as comparing love to lettuce ‘crashing’ into a bowl. I don’t normally think of lettuce as crashing because it’s not something heavy, but the poem makes me envision it.

One suggestion I’d have is to think about how the imagery in different stanzas link up to one another in terms of linear narrative. The non-metaphorical part of the poem seems linear to me, so I find myself trying to interpret the images as telling a linear story as well. However, that leaves me with questions: how does the last stanza relate to “salad-eating”, when it mostly seems to be about the formation of the salad, while the beginning was about eating? Is the speaker the salad, the salad bowl or the person eating the salad? (It seems to be one way in the first half and another way in the second half, but I can’t seem to find a point in the metaphors where the change is made, if that makes sense.)

Overall

I think this is a well-balanced piece with a first stanza that is attention-grabbing. As for my main suggestion, I think there is room to flesh out the poem’s narrative more if you choose, or maybe to add more links between the images in revision.

Let me know if you’d like more feedback on something specific!
-Lim

Hey Plume! I'm here to review your poem!

I loved this poem so much, especially the references to salad and loneliness, how they connected were pretty clever! Although it was sad, there was so much emotion in the poem!

Okay, so this poem is about a person who feels lonely, because no one wants to sit with them at the lunch table. The poem describes how lonely they feel as they eat salad by themself.

My favorite line of this poem is this one,

so too does the salt
find itself built up
in castles on the table
and in pools in my eyes.

because the salt is told as edible salt as it piles on the table, and also the kind of salt of tears, because the main character is crying because they are lonely, which adds a lot of emotion and depth to the poem. And I really loved the ending, how you described the sadness,

looking for someone to love me
the way an iceberg crashes
into a scalloped plastic bowl.
the way hearts shred,
the way dressings spread,
and the way oil and vinegar
merge together
on the last crisp leaf
of spring.

It's crazy that you were able to fit so much figurative language into that part. Your use of figurative language is so nicely used, with so much great details. This poem is really well written!
I also really like how you repeated this phrase,

perhaps it is not my time.
perhaps it is not my time

It adds emphasis to the poem, and shows the sadness of the character, and how sad they feel that they are an outcast.

Sorry this review was so short! You are a really awesome poet, I enjoyed reading this poem so much!
Happy Writing!