Rebirth is decay,
from the shriveling umbilical
to the weathered bone
The jaundiced air settles,
frozen in humidity.
The hose sprays,
blue dawn streaking
a green sun.
The water washes
the life away
down the storm drain.
The soap carries
grease and metal cogs
to where the carcass-eating tadpoles feast
on the corpses of their forebears.
Decay is rebirth,
from the phoenix rising from bile
to the festered scar.
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Oh god where do I even start! tea here, revewing this wonderful bit of poetry.
Firstly, I thought that this poem was quite eloquent in the way it's very cycleical or a word like that. Starting eith "Rebirth is decay" and ending eith "Decay is rebirth" was quite a near bit that really created a beautiful rhythm. Additionally, describing (water?) as a blue dawn streaking, was an interesting way to out it! I would have never thought of it like that.
Sevondly, I wouldn't change anything. This is such aneat and wonderful poem
Thirdly, I hope to read more of your poems! I have always liked your style of writing poetry, and it's very unique!
<333
know you are loved,
-tea
Thanks for your review!
oooh i love the imagery in this one 0.0 especially "carcass-eating tadpoles" and "the phoenix rising from bile"
great work, Plume!!
Thank you for your comment! Always treasure your feedback ^-^
Hey, Plume! I'm here to review this piece for you! c:
First impressions... I don't think I've ever read poetry about a car! xD Also, if I were reading this without looking at the description, I probably wouldn't have known this was about a car covered in pollen! You did a wonderful job of masking the object and making it more real-- adding descriptions to describe the hose, etc.
When I was reading this I felt... Eerie, impressed! I really enjoyed how you took an every day thing (your neighbors car) into a beautiful poem! The way you use certain words to change the vibe of this piece is on point! I also kind of felt bad for the car, because maybe the pollen was it's personality? Maybe, just maybe, the car is proud to look differently than the others-- and when the pollen got washed away it lost it's spark, as you said here in the fourth stanza:
My favorite line/quote is... I chose these two lines because they dramatically make an effect on the direction you were going while writing this piece! The uses of 'Rebirth is decay' and 'Decay is rebirth' are clever! This pulls the poem together from the first stanza to the last:
Loved the play on words here ^!
Some things I would change would be... Nothing! This was simplistic yet dramatic, you set the tone perfectly, the descriptive language was truly impressive, and I couldn't find any grammar mistakes!
Overall... I really did enjoy this read. I love reading poems like this
With Love,
Leya
Thanks for your review! Glad you enjoyed!