Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
I stand at the bow on my last night,
My knees buckling as I see my phantom,
Waving back, "Ahoy matey," as I struggled to fight—
Poor lassy's grin, in contrast to my visage,
As I swallow a lump.
The storm cheered on, screaming "yo-ho-ho"—
A scallywag in love with avast,
Swabbed the deck clean of breath.
I stand alone: no friend! no foe!
Tear-glazed eyes burning holes
Into welcoming hands of my sleeping betrothed.
Ran up the crow's nest to patch up holes,
I stood beside my soul, a living ghost.
The first night rushing to my fellow souls—
A burst of fire, storm breaking free,
Held my first and last toast.
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Hello, My Friend!
Pleasure to meet you! I'm Raven, and upon spotting this piece in the Green Room, I thought I'd give it a little review. I can't pass up a good pirate-themed piece!
To start, I love the shanty-like feel of this poem. It's got a bit of bounce to it and I really enjoyed it! The theme is so eerie, with the narrator working themself so hard amid a storm, haunted by this phantom until their very last moments. Despite the presence of a phantom, the imagery of the kindly spirit is more bittersweet than spooky, giving the whole piece a very somber feel.
As far as a technical review goes, I don't really have anything to recommend! I thought this piece was very enjoyable as it is.
Favorite lines, ooo...I would have to say:
I loved your use of pirate vocabulary! And man, what a line—the storm cheering on and screaming. Very powerful!
Ooo, love the emotion put into this part. Especially with such a "show not tell" sort of style—the imagery of tearful eyes contrasted by welcoming hands leaves such an impact as you read it.
And of course, I loved the ending! Tragic yet beautiful ~
Overall, that was an awesome poem! Nicely done!
"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."
Thanks for ur review Raven %uD83D%uDE42
Hey Pirategreengirl! Has been a lil bit since I've stumbled upon your work so here's a small review
&I remember in past reviews expressing an admiration for your ability to tell a story through verse and poetry. I still completely stand by that! From the first line to the last, this piece captures the attention of a reader. Your style is falls so heavily into the realm of storytelling while also remaining poetic with beautiful language and strong wording and emotion throughout. I don't have much to say besides praise! I love your style and work and think your voice is so distinct. I also enjoy the content of this poem. While I have never been interested in pirates beforehand, but your work makes me intrigued and entertained. It's clear you love writing about these adventures on the seas, and that is really admirable.
My favorite lines have to be
Such strong wording!!
Thanks Lullaby!