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Ugly Words

by Pentavalence


I want to write about ethereal smiles, poised grace,

Smooth curves and sheets of ice,

But the page stays blank when pretty is the subject;

For how can I write about something I don’t know?


Perfect, imperfect, they say poetry comes from within.

Pour out your heart and beauty flows,

But I pull out my intestines on the page.

Nothing pretty about me.


No edits; my words die like men.

Stupid men, filled with false bravery,

In the hope that they’ll be part of something better;

Something more. 


My words are my soldiers, lined up and shiny,

but fighting for a lost cause.

Don’t give up hope, words! I say,

As I continue to make them fight for me

By speaking and writing and giving my breath;

What a hypocrite I am.


In the mouth of someone else, these words would be better,

But they’re mine, I cry, clutching them to my chest,

 A five-year-old unwilling to part with a favorite toy.

I scream and shout too, much like a toddler,

Though I am older, supposedly wiser.

I guess you never grow out of those things;

Only learn to hide them,

Make them disappear into the cracks in your mind.

Sometimes those feelings escape

From the cages you’ve built

They move and transform,

Metamorphosis.

In my case, emotions to words

Black feelings to black print.

And now they’re here:

Did you enjoy them?

Because not all transformation

Is for the better.


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71 Reviews

Points: 5933
Reviews: 71

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Sun Feb 26, 2017 3:51 pm
crobbins wrote a review...



Hey, crobbins here for a review!

So, I saw this work under the new authors tab! Welcome!!! It takes a lot of courage to publish your work for others to see.

So, onto the nitpicks!

I think a way that this piece could be improved is with some formatting changes. For example, you could divide your ideas up in paragraphs. This would make it easier to follow the progression of ideas in your piece, and keep the reader on track with their thoughts as they read. Simple changes like these would improve how well readers understand your piece the first time around.

Another thing you could do is to only capitalize letters that begin a sentence. This would also distinguish separate ideas. It would have the same effect as described above. Keeping the first letters of each line separated may play to your theme, however.

I didn't find any spelling errors!

That's all for spelling and grammar/formatting issues!

So, I really loved the message behind this poem. I think it is all something we can get behind and relate to. All authors have experienced this. We have a great idea, then it doesn't transfer onto paper. What seemed brilliant once falls short in black and white. The relatability of this piece, in my opinion, makes it an amazing read.

I also loved your use of metaphor here! For example, I loved this part in particular:

"No edits; my words die like men.
Stupid men, filled with false bravery,
In the hope that they’ll be part of something better;
Something more.
My words are my soldiers, lined up and shiny,
but they’re fighting for a lost cause."

The use of metaphor, especially in poetry, is a great way to further your readers' connections to the piece. It also adds a layer of complexity that makes your piece more interesting. Kudos on great uses of metaphors here!

You end the piece in another relatable way: "Because not all transformation...Is for the better." All of us know this one way or another. Great job playing into this as a wholesome way to finish your piece!

So overall, great job! I'd love to read more of your work!

-crobbins




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27 Reviews

Points: 1762
Reviews: 27

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Sun Feb 26, 2017 7:52 am
DrLavender wrote a review...



Hey Pentavalence! DrLavender here for a review! The title of this piece caught my attention and I simply had to read it! I'm glad I did. Alright, well let's get started then, shall we?

I want to write about ethereal smiles, poised grace,

Smooth curves and sheets of ice,

But the page stays blank when pretty is the subject;


You've already managed to catch my attention in this opening! Excellent!

Pour out your heart and beauty flows,

But I pull out my intestines on the page.


Hmm, so this is intriguing! However, a small suggestion. Instead of "pull out my intestines", I recommend for you to consider "pour out my soul". I think it would give a bit of a deeper meaning and show the difference between your heart and your soul.

My words are my soldiers, lined up and shiny,

but they’re fighting for a lost cause.


I like this! However, my small recommendation would be on omitting the word "they're". It would flow a bit better in my opinion.

Because not all transformation

Is for the better.


A very powerful ending honestly.

I love this poem! I won't lie, if I could get this on a canvas and frame it in my room, I would! It has fantastic emotion and really made me think as I read through this. I loved every aspect of this. Great work!




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21 Reviews

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Reviews: 21

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Sun Feb 26, 2017 12:35 am
JustALittleBarry wrote a review...



Hey there, Pentavalence! Katrina Kimberly here for another quick review!

I love your poem and I found it pretty relatable. I thought that you did a good job describing the wars that are hidden beneath our hair. The poem you wrote was drenched with emotion, which was one of my favorite parts about it. Now, without further ado, on with the review!

One thing that I would consider is changing up the beginning of each stanza. I noticed that each stanza began with a capital letter, perhaps starting some of the stanzas with lower case letters could add a bit of variety. For example, in the sentence,
"Sometimes those feelings escape
From the cages you’ve built
They move and transform,
Metamorphosis."
maybe you could make "From" and "They" lowercase. I would keep "Metamorphosis" capitalized because it is one single, powerful word that would seem more strong and powerful with a capital letter. However, keeping all of the stanzas starting with capitalized letters would be good to, either way works nicely.

Another thing I might consider is creating paragraphs between the different stanzas. Doing so bounds different concepts together better, as well as makes it easier for the reader to read and understand. Yet, just like last time, this is purely just my opinion and could work perfectly either way.

I really liked your title! It connected to your work, while not fully explaining it, sort of like a mask. While the title was mysterious and different than the actual poem, it worked together wonderfully! The ending was nice, I thought it displayed what is moving through the writers mind as they jot down their thoughts. The ending showed a transition in thoughts, a changed post of view.

Over all, I found this poem to be meaningful with a nice message. I found this poem to be relatable, as well as free from any grammar mistakes! I hope to see more of your poems soon!

Best of Wishes,
Kitty :)




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21 Reviews

Points: 317
Reviews: 21

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Sun Feb 26, 2017 12:34 am
JustALittleBarry says...



Nice poem!! :)
Beautifully executed.




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63 Reviews

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Reviews: 63

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Sun Feb 26, 2017 12:18 am
amelie wrote a review...



there are a few things i'd like the cover in this review, so i'll get on to it.:)

the main problem i had with this poem is that it has little to no substance or kind of core value to follow. the title, "ugly words," makes it seem like you'll be talking about odd words or something. then you go on to the want to write something pretty and valuable, then a sort of writers' block, and then how not all transformation is for the better? pardon me if i'm not entirely following through here, but it's hard for me to understand/follow/comprehend all that's going on here since the themes switch around so much.

I want to write about ethereal smiles, poised grace,

Smooth curves and sheets of ice,

But the page stays blank when pretty is the subject;

For how can I write about something I don’t know?


the beginning here gives the impression of a more personal subject matter; you; with the inability to achieve what you'd like to in your writing because you can't understand it. because you haven't been a part of [it] before.

Pour out your heart and beauty flows,

But I pull out my intestines on the page.

Nothing pretty about me.

No edits; my words die like men.

Stupid men, filled with false bravery,


The first two lines threw me off a bit. I guess you were implying that your heart is a more delicate form to reach for with writing, and intestines are less so? but i'm a bit more hung up on the comparison of the two, like how intestines were somewhat irrelevant in the sense? the last two lines seem really bold. (referring to the word stupid,) it's a really bulky word for the feel of the work so far.

Like a five-year-old unwilling to part with a favorite toy.

I scream and shout too, much like a toddler,

Though I am older, supposedly wiser.


i wasn't a big fan of the use of "five year old/toddler". it's a generalization, and not in the sense that i'm just ohh so offended because NOT ALL TOTS ARE LIKE THAT!!! but again, it's just bulky, and it isn't entirely accurate for the type of information you're giving, i guess?

And now they’re here:

Did you enjoy them?

Because not all transformation

Is for the better.


the ending, to me, seems entirely irrelevant to the rest of the poem -which i'm still not really sure what it's about- so it's a little confusing.
so hopefully i was able to help, let me know if you have any questions.
-amelie.




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144 Reviews

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Reviews: 144

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Sun Feb 26, 2017 12:07 am
GoldenQuill wrote a review...



Hey Pentavalence! It's Quill, here with a quick review!
I read this work earlier, and it's been cycling around in my head since. I actually had a similar-ish thought the other day as well. But you executed it far better than I was imagining to.
This is absolutely fantastic. I love all the imagery. I love the depth, the gravity. I love the raw, aching emotion.
It's simply beautiful.

The only thing I have to point out is the very end; while moving, it struck me as strange. Did the speaker transform through this poem, in some way? It didn't appear that way -- it appeared that they were merely struggling with the thoughts they had in their attempt to make art out of what they had.

This, of course, could be a personal leaning and could mean nothing.

But overall, this is fantastic!

Always keep writing!





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