Young Writers Society

Hello! herbgirl here for a review!
Let me just say, i found this work particularly well done. Your imagery was very well done, particularly in lines twenty one through thirty, which i felt expressed the emotions you're trying to describe extremely well. However, my appreciation for your skill with words in most of the poem, i do have some suggestions.
First, the format of this poem. As you probably know, the format of a poem should never be your priority, it's the contents of it that counts. However, poetry is still an art, and it does have a need to be symbolic in all its facets, including how it looks. When a poem is in an interesting shape, or one that simply looks easy to read, can be more appealing to a reader. Plus, you can help reinforce your message or provide a new layer of meaning with the spacing of your words. i suggest changing the formatting so that perhaps you have stanzas. If you need advice on how to do this in the publishing center, or have any other questions regarding formatting, feel free to ask me, and if i can't answer, i'm sure we can find someone who can!
Next, and probably more importantly since it involves your actual writing, i was a little confused towards the end of the poem. i had been taking this literally, as i assumed it was intended, and was under the impression that the character had literally jumped, or in some other way attempted to kill themself. However, the ending, where the character thinks about the time before her jump, makes it seem as though she has done something else, perhaps less serious. It is hard to imagine what this could be, given the situation that i believed was happening. Perhaps i'm simply misunderstanding your poem, but if there's any way you could add a few lines to clear that up, i would advise it.
Another thing was i didn't particularly like the role of the branches and vines or of the things at the bottom. It wasn't clear what the branches and vines represented, and i wasn't sure why they held the character back so briefly. I advise giving them either a bigger role or making it clearer what their current role is. For the things at the bottom, i was a little disappointed with their description. It's not that it wasn't thorough, it was, it's that it seemed a bit cliche. Plus, the way the character was surprised by the bottom made it seem as if they were not too intelligent, which made them a little annoying, or at least dislikable. i recommend either changing the things at the bottom of the pit to a different sort of threat, or making the main character's reaction to them a little different.
Finally, one last little grammar thing. Try to keep the tense the same throughout the poem. You start out with past tense, but at times deviate. Read through your poem again and check for any mistakes.
Anyways, sorry for the long review! If anything seemed harsh, unfounded, or in need of clarification, please feel free to talk to me about it. i like what you have here, and keep up the good work!
herbgirl

Hello! LadyShadows here to review your work!
This was a great poem! It was dark, sinister, and full of lovely figurative language. The personification packed a heavy punch! I can tell you for one thing that the narrative poem did not seem too wordy at all and that the flow seemed steady. However the only thing that I can safely say that I did not like the ending. "Was it really not long ago, not long ago at all, that she was only teetering?" I feel like it was a little bit too repetitive for an ending. I feel like "not long ago at all" can be deleted. So it would go like "Was it really not long ago, that she was only teetering?" See the difference? To me it's crisp and it doesn't sound repetitive at all. Overall though the poem was nice. I loved it. I'm becoming at fan of the work I've read so far. Keep writing! Have a wonderful day!