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I wrote you a poem

by Pentavalence


(A/N: Why am I writing so much poetry? I don't even write poetry--I write prose. Someone help me, I think I've caught the poetry flu. Also, I don't know why the spacing is weird. It won't let me fix it.)

I wrote you a poem,

All covered in gold,

And wrapped it in starlight

And secrets untold.

I wrote you a poem,

Scribbled ink on my skin,

I wrote out my soul to you,

Won’t you please come in?


I wrote you a poem,

You took it and beamed,

With your bright pretty eyes,

But not all was as it seemed.

I wrote you a poem,

You read the words, true,

But your mind flew far off

While I stood with you.

I wrote you a poem,

Someone else took my place,

You were reading my words,

But not seeing my face.

I wrote you a poem,

But you kissed someone new,

My words torn apart,

What did I do?


I wrote you a poem,

You cheated and lied,

I cried when you ended it,

Are you satisfied?

I wrote you a poem,

My lines ripped to shreds,

I blamed it on the words,

Now my writing is dead.

I wrote you a poem,

What a fool that I’ve been,

I’m still writing my life

On pale papery skin.

I wrote you a poem,

I swore that I’d quit,

I wrote you a poem,

But this isn’t it.

I wrote me a poem,

Looking back on my life,

Our love wasn’t great--

Filled with hardship and strife.

I wrote me a poem,

I was lost, but I’m found, 

I wrote you a poem,

Those words were still bound.

I wrote me a poem,

It belongs only to me,

Thank you for doing this,

You set me free.


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Points: 83
Reviews: 2

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Thu Feb 02, 2017 4:16 pm
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Pruthvi says...



I personally enjoyed reading it. keep going! beautifully written




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26 Reviews


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Thu Feb 02, 2017 11:52 am
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alexblackwell wrote a review...



Hey there Pentavalence!
I am getting late for my math class, but I really have to write a review for this poem.
It is one of the best I have read here. The lines, the structure, the simplicity of the words has caught me.
By the way, you can have a better spacing by using the ctrl+enter key. Hope that helped.
The poetry flu is deadly. I literally hated poetry, but now poems are all I can write.

The poem reads a very beautiful story. On love; one-sided love; self-love.
There is not a single mistake that I can see, and even if there is something the poem is so very beautiful that it doesn't matter.
Can I ask you for a favor? Can you please sign the poem and send it to me via email or something? I want people I know to read the poems, but I want them to see your signature.

Off for now. Looking forward to reading more of your works.
Hope you have a nice day.
Cheers!
Alex Blackwell.




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Thu Feb 02, 2017 5:18 am
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LadyShadows wrote a review...



Hello Pentavalence! LadyShadows here for a review!

Now I'm pretty sure that I told you that I was becoming a fan in another review, and to be honest I'm not regretting those words! Your poetry is excellent, And just like you I tend to write prose more than anything, but maybe you should write more poetry. This is a fantastic piece. It was beautiful and filled with heartbroken romance. Now, onto the important part, eh? ;)
The great things about this poem is that it had a wonderful flow and it didn't seem too wordy. It was lengthy, and sometimes lengthy poems are the greater ones :) It also had a wonderful rhyme scheme. However the poem has capital letters on each line, whether or not it was the end of a line. Don't sweat it though; sometimes I mess this up too, and I've written for a long time. Also, consistency in here was a slight issue. You were consistent in the way of rhyme, which was great, but you weren't consistent with 'I wrote you a poem.' Yes, you used it tons of times, but why it wasn't too consistent is that you said 'I wrote me a poem' towards the middle and then you used both those phrases at the end. That's what screwed up the consistency. Just remember these things. And I may or may not have said this before, but read your prose or poetry out loud to yourself. Sometimes you'll realize these sort of things when you speak them because you'll naturally hear the 'mess' through your voice :) Keep writing and have a lovely day!




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37 Reviews


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Thu Feb 02, 2017 1:45 am
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mmbmio says...



I really like this!




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Thu Feb 02, 2017 1:27 am
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TheStormAroundMe wrote a review...



Hello! Storm here for the review!

So the first thing I'll say is capitalization. It's generally frowned upon to capitalize the letter at the beginning of every single line, but I suppose it's a matter of preference. I'm guilty of the same thing in dozens of my poems.

You read the words, true,

This rhyme seems a little forced to me.

Someone else took my place,

You were reading my words,

But not seeing my face.

Yes. Just yes. I love this very much.

I swore that I’d quit,

I wrote you a poem,

But this isn’t it.

This was just confusing to me. Maybe a reword would help.

I wrote you a poem,

What a fool that I’ve been,

I’m still writing my life

On pale papery skin.

Love this imagery. A++!

I wrote you a poem,

I swore that I’d quit,

I wrote you a poem

Now you have to be careful. The repetition of "I wrote you a poem" works, but if you repeat it too much it becomes overkill. By this point in your poem, it's becoming monotonous. Maybe you could shorten the work or choose a new motif for this section.

It belongs only to me,

Thank you for doing this,

You set me free.

Wait, now I'm even more confused. From what I previously gathered in the poem, it was all about heartbreak. Did the heartbreak somehow set her free? I need clarity.

I think that's about it for now. I interpret this poem as a girl pining for someone who loves another. She regrets giving her words to him. Is that what it meant? I always strive to find authorial intent. Anyway, this was a great read! Keep writing!

-Grace




Pentavalence says...


Thank for your review Grace! What I meant to convey was that it's initially someone pining, but then they gradually realized "I wrote me a poem,
Looking back on my life,
Our love wasn%u2019t great--
Filled with hardship and strife.
I wrote me a poem,
I was lost, but I%u2019m found, etc." That it wasn't a healthy relationship anyway, and now they can move on with their life. Thanks for talking the time to review my work! -Pen




Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.
— H. Jackson Brown