Whispers flooding through the walls like fire burning down the forest trees. People running away from something like water flowing over everything in it's path. Who is coming? And why? Is it the king trying to find more people like HER. Like HER people. Who is she; She is Alaan. The youngest, yet strongest, fighter of her kind. But what IS her kind? Is it magical people who know how to fight? Or people who survive in the darkness of the world? What is her kind? They are the HUMBLE. Do not let their name fool you. Those of the humble are not kind at all. They are cruel, mean people who feed off of others when they need to. So then what makes Alaan any different? What stops the kings army from taking her? Is it her power? Her charm? Her skill? What is it? And why isn't heard of even to her own people? Because she is different? But how? If she is like them then surely someone shares her powers. At least some of them. And since no one does, then what does that mean? It means...nothing.
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141,367 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
Overall, this wasn't bad. A good start. I do hope you'll be answering all those questions rather soon, though. Having so many questions asked in the first paragraph might be a bit overwhelming, but I won't complain since I like having questions asked in my writing, too.
Anyway, there wasn't anything major wrong with this, so good job on that. Hope this was helpfu.
Yey! Here's the promised review
I thought it was good. You use good description but at times it got a little confusing. I didn't quite understand the first simile (or is it a metaphor? i forget
The plot is intriguing. I want to know more about Alaan and her kind.
Nice job, you should continue this!
-Carly
let me know when you review at least one other thing and then I'll take a look at this.
We like to keep a 2:1 ratio on reviewing and submitting, meaning that for everything you submit post at least two reviews. We do this because the best way to get better at writing is to read other people's work and learn from them.
I'll seriously review this once you make another review, I promise....just send me a PM or write something on my wall when you're done with the review