why choose between worry or happiness when you can have both at once

This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review!

Haven't seen you around in awhile, Pamplemousse. In a long time, actually! Putting that aside, let's jump right into the poem by saying that I have mixed feelings on the fact that this structure is composed of nine tercets because it divides evenly. I think if you played around with this and the rhythm of the poem, you'd be able to take advantage of this and have a beginning, middle, and end with the stanzas.

The first three being the beginning, the second three being the middle, and so on. I'd say that this poem would have to change to be more in that structure. This is only a suggestion though since this poem is more flowing (even if I think it is unnaturally) than it is containing a narrative. I agree with Fort in that you've put a lot of restrictions on yourself with the haiku in each stanza and honestly while it's a nice effort, this strains on the actual content. I'll touch on this more later on in the review.

even the small things

are constant reminders of

years of memories.

-

new memories are

always being made and still

they leave room for more.

I wanted to group these first two stanzas together for the fact that we're a cohesive fragment of the poem. These two stanzas, while they flow together well enough, they aren't as connected to the tercets that follow them up. This touches on the subject matter of memories and actually says that twice. The wording here is what I found to be a little odd, and I can see both stanzas being much more effective if you decided to change the wording around. In the introductory stanza, I suggest changing around the execution of the wording of the whole three lines.

A change for a stronger emotional impact for the first line would be 'the smallest things' and then you're able to continue with the next two lines that could potentially be changed into something akin to 'are constant reminders/of past memories'. Though, the best way I can see going about this is using an actual example or metaphor to mean the same as the first line.

As for the second stanza here, the change is more related to the flow and the originality. The reader doesn't want to hear this outright that memories are always being made and there's always room for more memories to fill up a place in the speaker's brain. The reader wants to hear something that's more poetic than this and less literal.

The same meaning can be accomplished by better examples or uses of metaphor, and that's mainly what I'm trying to say here. Find a synonym for memories too since you just used it in the last stanza too. Be more open and diverse with the word choice while making it fit the tone of the piece.

each second goes by

and I am still dying due

to your ruthless ways.

-

the windows rolled down

time flying past us while we

are forever young.

The third stanza doesn't make sense in the context of the work--at least not to me. Who is this other person in the poem? A friend? A significant other? A family member? We're only introduced to him now and we're not sure who they are or even just who they are in relations to the speaker. I'd suggest reworking this stanza to be different because it doesn't fit what you've already written.

The fourth stanza is something that makes more sense even if it does feel like a bit of a rip-off of every rip-off of The Perks of Being a Wallflower that there is with the 'forever young' turn when we were just talking about memories a couple lines ago. Even though I found this to be a standard and lacking anything new that a YA novel hasn't already portrayed with being young and driving in a car, recollecting memories, though I can't say it's exactly a crime.

drowning memories

works for a short time but then

they come rushing back.

-

forgetting the night

with candlelight and red wine

and you by my side.

More memories with the fifth stanza! Hooray! In all seriousness, I'd like it very much if you ended up finding a different word than 'memories' because it gets stale quite easily in this poem. The fifth stanza isn't all that bad though we keep hearing memories echoed throughout the poem, and it'd still be ineffective at making the reader feel something if you changed it for a different word, be it remembrances or reminiscences because they all end up meaning the same thing. Take on some use of poetic devices or figurative language instead to help get this message of yours across.

I'd love to hear how these memories come back. Are they like a clock that the speaker keeps hitting snooze on because they're too afraid to confront their memories like they're afraid to confront the day? Are the memories something that keep haunting the speaker? Something that is still manifested inside them even if only by the tiniest bit and then it starts to grow and grow again? That's what would make this more unique. That's what would make this easier for the reader to connect to.

In the sixth stanza, the person that is 'you' in the poem becomes a seemingly more positive vibe or even a romantic one. This is something that confused me since earlier in the poem in the third stanza the speaker is 'dying due to your ruthless ways' which is what makes me unsure if this is even the same person.

I'm also confused as to why there's candlelight...in a car? There wasn't a shift or change or scenery, so I'm still in the assumption that they're inside this car with the windows down. If they're not, be sure to indicate that to the reader, if only subtly or in context clues. I don't know how candlelight or lighting candles would work in a car though it doesn't sound very safe.

worry controls me

eating away at my soul

and wreaking havoc.

-

but at the same time

fun is also capable

of changing my soul.

-

both worry and fun

simultaneously they

consume my being.

Might as well take these last three stanzas all in one go. I have to say that the challenge you've set up for yourself and the restrictions must've been hard to write something with, though at the same time that doesn't excuse the writing for me. These last three stanzas could be grouped together since they're mostly coherent and about the same topic.

Anxiety, or the lesser form or anxiety, worry, and still having fun with that in the backdrop of the speaker's mind. In the seventh stanza this is apparent that worry is something that hurts the speaker, though in the eighth stanza it is shown that they're also having fun. In the ninth and final stanza, we're shown that these two emotions are battling for control in the mind of the speaker.

What I also didn't enjoy much about these last three stanzas is that they have a hard time connecting with the rest of the poem since they're so cohesive together. I want this to all be cohesive instead of being in fragments. By the end of the poem we still have no idea who 'you' is and we're still left a little without an ending.

While the ending stanza itself is fine enough, this felt incomplete to me, and that's one of the main complaints I had. This doesn't flow in terms of the content since you're juggling around so much and there isn't enough time to address it all. That isn't to say that this poem isn't long enough. Focus on the main points that you're wanting to make here, add clarity to the theme, and cut out the aspects or parts of the poem that aren't as needed and in exchange expand on the main points that you've already made.

Go further than the surface with what you're attempting to say here. Another something that you can do is instead of just stating something, make the reader feel that something. Instead of just having the speaker talk about worry, use the poetic devices and figurative language such as metaphors and similes to help make your reader understand better what you're attempting to get across.

Using them makes a large difference from speaking, because instead it's a form of showing the reader and making them feel that specific emotion in the way you hope for them to perceive it. Try and use imagery to your advantage and other means to hit the reader in the stomach with that message and to make the way that the message is executed even if it's been done before a little more interesting than how it's usually done.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! Sorry that the review is a little long, didn't mean to do that intentionally. I hope I helped and have a great day!