Young Writers Society

I've seen this title around a lot and I'm still not sure where it started but anyway it seems to be some kind of trend and the theme of the poems seems to always be memory? Let's take a look!

Specifics

1. I feel like the image of 'my heart has stopped' is too over used. I'd prefer it if you actually used the clock instead. Maybe you could have something like 'The pendulum keeps swaying/ But my clock has stopped' which would be more interesting and metaphorical?

2. Again, shattered glass is quite a common image so try to think of something with shatters but is less common. Maybe a thermometer? Those are also dangerous because of the chemicals. Or you could have a mirror or bottle. They're not the most original but they're a physical object which has more significance than just the glass inside them.

3. So instead of tears being gone, it could be that the ocean is dry or that the clouds are gone so the sky can no longer rain. Try to think of things that are a little more unusual.

Overall

There's not enough to this for the reader to be able to understand why the persona is saying goodbye to the past three years - it needs to be longer and it needs to cover the memories of these years and the significance of them. What is the big change in this persona's life? Is it the end of a relationship? A death in the family? There's honestly not enough information for us to be able to understand the events of theme of the poem.

Sorry if I sounded a big negative on this one - I'm not normally a fan of short poetry because I feel it's very hard to tell a story or to convey the right level of emotion in so few words. Best of luck with this!

~Heather

Hey Pamp!

I have been meaning to review this, but keeping in mind about my birth defect called Procrastination, I might as well get it done now.

Being a short poem, this review may not be the longest.

Alright, so I do see some cliches in here, like the shattered glass and the clock. I find cliches hard to avoid in short poems like this, just to say.

The clock keeps ticking,

But my heart has stopped.

Shattered like glass,

After being dropped.

The tears are gone,

I can no longer cry.

To the past three years,

I say, "Goodbye."

I don't quite like this, to be honest. It feels generic and stereotypical to a T. You could improve on this as you do have some great potential but right now it's not the best product. For example, the third and fourth line gets on my nerve because it seems just so lame and quite unoriginal. It was v predictable and easy to detect that line from a mile away. I could imagine what shoes the narrator is in, but you didn't portray it well by putting it through cliches. One thing you could do that would help v much is possibly make it so like the narrator is speaking instead of fixing their wording just so it could be classified as a poem. Potential once again, but this didn't quite feel right.

thanks.

Hey pamp!

So I get that this was a really fast poem, but I think you could do better. I've seen you do better.
You have a lot of cliched images here. Hearts shattering and tears... yeah these images are very overused.
I think you have a good thing here, with you specifically saying good bye to the past three years. I think this poem could be a good reflection on those years. What's making you say goodbye? What has changed that is making you leave those years behind? I think that would be awesome poem-fodder.

In the first stanza, however, there isn't much uniqueness. We get the theme of time passing and heartache, but I think you could show those things in a new and different way that we haven't seen many times before. I think you've definitely got the skill under your belt to do that.

Other than the clicheness, I can't really find much wrong. It's a short poem, and simple. I like the simple aspect of it, it just needs something fresh to get your readers' attention.

I hope this helped! Let me know if you have any questions, and keep writing!
~fortis