The tears are scarce,
As the bodies continue to fall.
Dropping like flies;
Not enough living to count them all.
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140,605 Literary Works • 673,549 Reviews
I hate to repeat what others are saying, but I agree with Pencillia.
this reminds me more of a war than an actual video game.
though I it makes sense to me if I look at it in a different way and I can see it could also in a way relate to Pamplemousse's comment about it being the end of humanity.
it does seem a little dark.
but it is powerful I agree and your ability to convey such a powerful message within only the minimal amount of lines is a wonderful talent to have.
I can also agree that since it is such a small verse, there aren't any points I can pick at or disagree with.
the theme and idea being conveyed is clear-cut and unclouded and an overall feeling of epiphany to me, since it reminds me so much of Gallipoli from the World Wars.
Well done.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this work.
and I hope to see many more from you.
keep writing.
Reminds me more of a losing war than a losing video game. I think "game" because of the title. A war video game, perhaps? The battle seems to be one-sided since the bodies continue to fall and fall. So, there's so many dead and dying that tears are scarce? No one is left to mourn them?! Anyways, it was short, but good.
"Game Over" has a bit of a darker meaning. It's referencing the end of humanity.
Great work. You know I haven't really seen anyone who was able to say the message of the poem, or say what they were trying to say, like the theme for example in only four lines. This is interesting. You made your theme clear to me if only four lines which regularly doesn't happen.
Great work, I love the message you are trying to say.
This poem makes a lot of sense to me. What I mean is I can get confused with what poems are trying to say and what the theme of the poem is.
Since it's so short there aren't really any nitpicks to count. So I guess that a really good thing.
I guess that's all I had to say about this lovely poem.
Keep up the good writing,
Love,
Dogs <3
Hey Pamplemousse!
It's quite amazing!
Kay here!
Rarely, anyone has the ability to convey powerful messages in just a couple of lines. [I for one, am not one of those "rare-ones"]. I really do admire your piece of literary. Your writing is quite amazing. Your concept, is one of the best I have ever read about. I'd say your concept is quite matured, and very, very relevant to mankind
I am writing a review after a really long time and I am glad to be reviewing yours.
Looking forward to more of your work. [especially poems]
Good Luck!
Hey there! I like this a lot! I think it's interesting how you choose to start with the fact that this speaker is not crying. It captures attention well because by that mere phrase you insinuate that there is something to be crying about, adding curiosity. I also like the concept that so many people are dying that they've outnumbered the living. This gives me the idea that were at the end of the world, the speaker isn't crying because they're too hooked on survival. Not sure if that's where your thoughts were when you wrote this, but either way cool concept. I think that you should try to write longer pieces to make more connections and leave the reader with less questions, some curiosity is good, but if you leave too many unanswered questions that just leads to frustration. Overall this is great, keep writing and working!