fireworks booming
into the starlit sky.
one after another,
they disintegrate.
men and women,
empty bottles and smashed cans.
too drunk; to form proper-
sentences.
couples too eager,
to greet the new year.
they hear the ball drop;
they kiss.
but the girl watching
from a balcony above,
may be the only one that knows-
it is only 11:59.
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,004 Literary Works • 672,794 Reviews
Here for a review.
What a cute little poem to start off the new year. I like it and the way that it captures the excitement and celebratory of the new year. And I might of laughed too hard and the ending. It was so sweet and sincere that when I got to that line I just lost it. I liked it very much.
"...too drunk; to form proper-" I could be wrong, but I'm fairly certain this is a wrong use of a semi colon. I would suggest getting rid of it, I think it would make the poem flow better, or rewrite the sentence after.
I also think that the simple "they kiss" line could be worded better too. You obviously can't leave it out since it's like a huge new year's tradition, but the short sentence with the long ones disrupt the pattern. Maybe something like "their lips meet" would work better? Play with it.
Other than that, I enjoyed this cute simple poem and I'm glad you wrote it.
Happy New Year.
-Never
Hey there!
Your poem was a delightful read, and hence I decided to give it a review!
You started off by creating splendid imagery, while at the same time your use of the word 'booming' proved to also give us a sense of the 'sound' here, which was a rather nice touch!
This provides us with further description of the scene, (albeit one may argue not required) while also comfortably matching up the tone and world play of the overall poem as well, hence I find it a fantastic followup! :3
You round up the setting of your poem skilfully here, in just a few words.
We are able to picture, without colors and specifics needing to be included, the rowdy scene of the party! :3
Comfortable rhyming fluidly done as well.
The final twist completes the comical nature of what is going on, and I believe especially considering the positive comment here, is very effective in producing from your readers a smile.
The repetition of 'only' here, while looking a bit less eccentric, still did match up with the previous line. I especially like how you used a hyphen to create a short pause before the final delivery - very well done! :p
To sum up, a rather pleasant and easy to read poem. You could PERHAPS consider comforting the 'OCD' in me, and put a 'space' between the hyphens and the respective words before them, but obviously that is not needed. xD
Best of luck, and hoping to read more from you in the future! :3
I like this!
It gives a realistic approach to what's really happening, and then you're there just like "You know the year hasn't ended, right?"
Lol, it's amazing!
Good job!