I saw around me people laughing, their faces lit with happiness.
I wished I could have joined in, but how do I start?
Making friends wasn't my strong suit.
Keeping them, now that 'tis a whole other matter.
Hot-tempered, and sometimes moody,
I needed a friend who could match my sarcasm.
~
I wasn't looking in front of me,
I was looking to the shadows around me.
Scared out of my witts to try and make just one
Frozen in terror trying to say,
"Hi, my name is Ashley."
~
Then came along a peculiar person,
She matched me word for word,
Sarcasm to dark humor.
I bubbled over in excitment,
Just thinking of how much we got along.
Like a twin I'd never knewn I had.
Found finally after being apart for years.
~
I wasn't alone anymore, after being so for so long.
I could share my opinion and ideas to someone who understood.
I could express my self and be who I truely was.
Never had I thought I would see the day that this happened.
I was alone, and before my last rose petal dropped,
My match came along and rescued me- from my own insanity.
~
It was like magic transformed me,
In reality it was her, my friend.
Instead of doom and gloom coming from me
Bright light shined out that I never knew I possessed
~
Sometimes life can through things at you,
Unexpected as they are, they can be extraordinary,
This was a time, when the extraordinary happened.
I felt like I could breathe,
Awoken from a long enduced sleep
I'm glad to have such and amazing and wonderful person
Such as her, she is a true blue friend.
~~~~~
live love smile
I can't seem to
live love smile
I dont know how to
live love smile
I dont know who I'm
or what i want
just a girl with a knack of writing
I guess you could call me that
but even i agree, I'm
a [misplaced] stanza of an unfinished poem
lost and meaningless
and i dont know how to smile or live
just a girl
with a heart broken
learning to swim in a pool of my own tears.
~
"Hi!" you said
enthusiastic much
and funny
silly in your own kind
right from those weird conversations
to emotinal ones about life
we have come a long way.
and i remember our first text
you were in spaish and i about to sleep, in bed
it was fun
~
I got to know you slowly
like the humans discovered about the stars- slowly
and i'm glad i had the patience
cause you my love,
shine like it's no diamonds buisness.
found me heart broken
helped repair
and now taking care
thank you for everything
I love you.
Authors' Notes:
OreosAreLife: I want to thank my friend whom this is for! You're extraordinary and I love you sis! You're one of my best friends! I'm glad to have met you! And I thank YWS for letting me meet her. Because of this I am not alone.
~
DivergentDemigod: She has been with my thought the good and bad. I love her and thank you YWS because of you I got to meet her!
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,791 Literary Works • 672,769 Reviews
Hi there, OreosAreLife and DivergentDemigod, I'm here for a review on review day~
I am just so full of happiness after reading this poem. I am so excited for the day in the far future when you will get the chance to look back at old writing, see this poem, and remember how happy you were to have found each other. It feels like a journal entry, and I'm sure you'll love it.
As a poet, what I really love to see in poems is imagery, and journal entries generally don't have a lot of imagery, so I wasn't able to find a lot in this poem. But what I did find I really enjoyed. You mentioned at one point being a misplaced stanza in an unfinished poem -- I can feel the emotion of not only not finishing a poem (why? too much emotion? not able to get it to words? to apathetic to keep trying?) but also misplacing the stanza (why? doesn't it belong? is it poorly written? can I not see where it really belongs). These emotions give me a way to connect with your narrative, even though I'm neither one of you and haven't made a new best friend.
The other moment I really loved was the line about getting to know someone slowly, like the way humans got to know the stars. I think about that a lot lately, how science was just built on people taking the time to observe the world around them and record what they saw. In friendship, that same calmness and lack of rush is a beautiful image, and I appreciate that it's included.
I hope these thoughts are helpful to both of you. If you have any questions or comments about this review, though, feel free to PM or reply!
Thanks for sharing,
Hannah
Thanks! We're glad you enjoyed it!
Hey, OreosAreLife! Lupa here for my 511th review! XD Let's begin.
First off, I just wanted to say how sweet this was. It reminds me of the tag Ten Reasons Why I Love My Best Friend, and it's so heartfelt. I'm glad you found your friend on YWS! See, it's not just for nonsensical writing and blogging.
Now down to business.
1) This is a poem of some sorts, but it's not really fitting into the essence of a poem. You're just telling your thoughts to me, except they're broken up into different lines. There are some stanzas that don't do much for the poem overall (i.e., stanza 7). I say if you want this to be more like a poem, have it sound more like one, not just sentences separated into chunks.
2) Some lines are pretty long and a bit awkward for just one line. Try cutting them up in strategic places and seeing how well they go in different patterns. It's pretty fun, actually.
3) Lastly, this poem is way long for what you're trying to convey. Sometimes it feels as if you are repeating yourself in different stanzas. Limit your redundancy and look for original things that you can put down. If you can't find any, cut off that stanza and reduce the length of the poem.
Thanks for posting this piece on YWS! I bet this means a lot to DivergentDemigod. And I agree--YWS is great for making friendships! Keep writing, Oreos!
XOX,
Lupa22