Bright light streams through the window
Causing you to look like an angel from above.
My breath catches in my throat.
At a loss for words
I stare at your beauty
~
Tis more amazing than
sunsets over the ocean horizon
Or a perfrct snowfall in the bright sun.
Your beauty is indescribable!
~
It makes my thoughts vanish into thin air,
and grounds me to the earth like gravity.
It's not just your looks either,
But you personality, too.
~
It's a beacon of light for the dark.
In all ways you're perfect,
I don't think you know
just how beautiful you are.
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Hey OreosAreLife, Queenie here for a review. First of all, this is a very lovely poem. I think that it is a good subject since I'm sure many people have experienced something like this before. Also, I think that you described this situation very well too. All right, now for the critiques, if you want to take this poem to the next level, you need to add a little more depth to it. Perhaps you can add why you like this person, what makes him/her different than the others, why is he/she special, maybe you can describe him/her. Also, your punctuation is very inconsistent, so make a decision, either use it or don't, either way is fine. All in all, I think that this was a very successful poem, and I look forward to reading more of your works. Keep writing!
Hello, OreosAreLife! What a beautiful poem you have here, haha!
I found spelling to be somewhat of an issue that could be fixed in this poem. Here are some examples below in which need to be edited.
I believe it's ocean horizon. I also think that the should be an. Since you are talking about multiple sunsets, it should just be an ocean horizon, because "the" would be a specific sunset at a specific horizon.
Perfect.
The "s" should be an "a". Becon should be beacon.
Take away one just.
Should be your.
That should be indescribable, not undescribable.
Now, I'm sure you get that there are multiple spelling mistakes. Those can be fixed, no worries! I'm going to look through some punctuation.
Comma after "personality".
The comma in the first line quoted is not necessary.
There wasn't as much punctuation errors as spelling, though both can be improved! But moving on, I'd like to talk about the last stanza, which is what really got at me. Each line didn't really correspond nor connect with the previous one, and that was what made it confusing. I think you should rewrite this stanza to make more connecting lines, or add another stanza and split the current ones up. All I know is that it really isn't working right now.
I noticed that a majority of this was saying how "beautiful you are, it's indescribable". It almost turned into something quite repetitive. And of course, since the title is Beauty, that's what I should expect. But I am kind of looking for more of those descriptive parts, with lots of imagery. The lines which you do show lots of description were great! I think you could use more of it near the end of your poem; I feel as though the creativeness and originality is slowly decreasing as the poem finishes.
Along the topic of originality, it wasn't the most unique idea to write a poem about. But, it surely does have potential and that's what I liked about it: this poem had a simplicity to it.
One last thing. I see that you capitalize every beginning letter of each new line? Now this is a poet's choice, but I do tend to uncapitalize when it is a continuation of the same sentence. This is an opinion, though, and you of course do not need to follow it! I just find that it is something that makes more sense to me (to only capitalize when it is a new sentence).
I hope this helped!
~BlueSunset
Thank you