Umbrella

Hey Orabella, wow!! Another fantastic poem of yours here!!

You tell the story of an umbrella, never seen or appreciated and left under a pile of shoes. It seems to be lonely, as if it craves to know people and see the sun. Finally, this umbrella is taken outside, only to see the dull sky. The wind picks it up and carries it away. at first it seems scared, knowing that it will never find its way home. But then it reflects on how it was never wanted in the first place and gains some closure over being lost.

This entire poem was a beautiful metaphor. It makes me think of isolation and loneliness. Perhaps being in a group of people who are friends, but feeling like the one being left out. Or maybe even in a family situation, feeling like the one that is the least loved. I thought this was very simple and easy to follow along with, as we follow the umbrellas thoughts and observations. My suggestion would be to add more sensory details- what does the rain feel like? The ground? Wind? What do you remember the sun feeling like?

Overall, fantastic work and keep writing!

Your friend,
Ellie

Aloha @OrabellaAvenue!

Beyond my beloved horizon, I'm diving headfirst into some new reading material, ready for an adventure. I whip out my trusty binoculars, and what do I see? A fascinating poem "Umbrella" that definitely deserves a solid review. So, no more waiting around, let's jump right in!



I. It all Begins at the Beginning
Very first of all, I must admit what a beautiful poem you've written here. Not short, not long, just as if you've precisely measured the metaphorical length of the poem.

When I saw the title, I knew immediately that this poem would be a worth-it. Not only because the title reminds me of a Netflix series that I've come across,"The Umbrella Academy", but also because your title is uniquely distinctive, something I was quite intrigued by.

Your poem narrated the thoughts of a speaker, who, in the first stanza (the beginning), waits under a pile of shoes. The speaker waits to be discovered. No, actually, the speaker longs to be discovered, to exist. But... that doesn't happen.

II. The Hidden Tale
Every poem tells a tale, every poem tells a unique story. And I've read many poems, I've also written many poems, some of which I have posted here on YWS.
And the stories of my poems are mostly easy to be discovered, easy to understand. But I've read another ton of poems and read many mystery books in which they talk about poems. And I've come to learn that the main question you can ask yourself when reading a poem is: "How exactly did the poet tell the tale through the poem?

Most poems are straight forward, tell the tale in a unique way, like I did.
But poems can be like riddles, they let you in on something and then keep the answer in plain sight (in this case the tale that the poem tells) while the person has to search for it.
And all that, to this, you effectively 'hid a tale'/ told the tale while at the same time not giving away much. And that would probably be my number one reason why I knew and still know that this poem is a worth-it.

You emphasise the 'me' in the poem, that's why it seems like a very personal poem. The emotional depth in the poem it literally on another level. The speaker seems to have some quest of discovery, perhaps self-discovery, but it seems impossible, at first. Themes of isolation and solitude are introduced and when reading this, it is almost as if they fill the whole room.

But the theme resilience is also introduced, in a whole other way.
In the end, the story is about a speaker, a speaker who would love to live, a speaker who is longing to be discovered. But when it finally happens, everything's changed. But why should they care, the speaker is finally there where they want to be. Still, everything's changed, and that's when the speaker realises it, "I'll never find my way", and "they never wanted me to stay".

Wow, this goes deep. You've perfectly written an entire tale in a poem, leaving ti for the reader to find it.
But who knows, who knows, a poem can be a riddle while telling one tale that seems like a thousand all at one.

III. The Door To Improvement
Your poem is remarkable, really, but if you're looking for some suggestions for improvement, here they are.
Firstly, you could consider letting the poem rhyme, this will definitely boost that poetic feeling when reading the poem. You can also try using more imagery, it will not only paint a vivid picture of the tale but it will also boost the emotional depth of your poem.

Some parts of your poem do rhyme, but the structure needs a bit more improvement.
For instance, change this part:

Maybe my colors are faded from being in the sun

so long.

Maybe I'm dull and gray. I guess that's why I'm all alone

each and every day.

Maybe my colors are faded

just from being in the sun so long

Maybe I'm dull and gray

I guess that's why I'm all alone

each and every day.

Good day/afternoon/night! I'm here to leave a short review

First Impression:
I thought this was a cute story, even if it had more melancholic undertones than joyous ones. I liked how satisfying the ending was and it made me wonder where the umbrella went. And I have to say, you write the story of an umbrella quite well! So I therefore conclude that you keep your umbrella in good shape and talked to your umbrella when it had something to say. (I'm kidding of course. Sorry HAHAHA)

Actual Review:
On to the actual review! Pardon me if this is a bit short.

I like how you make us feel sorry for an inanimate object. It feels funny yet heartbreaking at the same time that the umbrella feels lonely with the owners she is with. The poem makes want to take out my umbrella, stroke it and whisper to it "you're doing a good job". For you to be able to do that is quite a great job! It's the type of magic that comes out when you are able to tug at the emotions of the reader, relating an inanimate object's feelings with the feelings we have and face ourselves. Loneliness, a need for attention, a desire for freedom. All these are tied in with the emotions we experience ourselves. Probably that's what makes this poem so effective. The rest of the poetic grammar and words would be meaningless if you didn't deliver the emotion well. You delivered the poem well with much emotion and I think that's strength I see you have (based on this poem). I encourage you to cultivate that since it's an important aspect in writing.

Summary:
This is a great poem! Light and deep at the same time. Keep it up!

This is alpacaboss, signing off.

Hello, I hope you're having a wonderful day! I'm here to leave a quick review on your poem!

First impressions: This was a really sad poem. I never thought I would get emotional over an umbrella of all things. But I love your interpretation on this! It really shows how differently people think about an object like an umbrella. I like how you personified the umbrella because it makes the poem feel more personal, especially since you used first person point of view.

I noticed that the word "me" is always given its own line. Now in my interpretation, I think it's always like that because the umbrella just wants to be noticed and feel useful. Which I think is clever. However, I'm personally not a fan of that because it sounds a little clunky when I read it aloud. But that's just a me thing. I think the use of "me" works well in the context of the poem.

Overall, I enjoyed reading this a lot. You definitely made me think about the way I put my own umbrella away. Good job!