The apple never falls far from the tree
Or so they say
But what if the tree is on a hill?
Then the apple would fall and roll away
Crashing into leaves
Rocks
And holes in the ground
On its way down
Eventually it would stop
But it would be so far off
No one would see it and pick it up
It would be left to rot
To decompose into the soil
But if the apple has strong seeds
Then it could possibly
Turn into a tree itself
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Canary word: Present
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125,287 Literary Works • 672,931 Reviews
This is a very nice poem, just stuffed with gental strangeness. I see you have used very little punctuation, which adds to the irregularity of the piece, however I feel there should be a question mark at the end, to leave the reader on a thought, which is what this poem is in the first place.
I found the lines
"Crashing into leaves
Rocks
And holes in the ground"
A little strange because how can one crash into a hole? Perhaps "Tumbling" rather than "crashing"? Just a suggestion.
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!
(This review is powered by TTYF. For any poetry review requests see "The Poetry Person" in "Will Review For Food")
This is something very different. I like it for that reason, also because it's one of those silly but serious poems. It reminded me of a story my friend started writing about bananas because it's so bizarre and they're both fruits.
The title is simple, which made me want to find out more and read your poem.
It's certainly a different view on apples and falling. Is it like a metaphor for someone getting their confidence or something knocked down, saying some don't get knocked as much as others and if they're strong enough they end up a better person?
I liked the ease of reading and that it didn't drag on for ages. It was short and sweet.
Keep it up.
~Molly.
Thank you. : ]
Hi there my friend! It's BlimeyLimey217 here to review!
I really enjoy poems that rhyme, but some people believe that this makes it less mature and well written! I think you did a great job on that aspect!
First of all, I really enjoyed this poem! I can't help but think of the saying that you quoted in the first place. Considering that it often refers to family, I like to find the analogy. If this was your plan to have this analogy, well done! I found it captivating... It was really good!
Secondly, the rhyme and rhythm were superb!
Thirdly is grammar and punctuation and stuff... I noticed that the only punctuation mark is one question mark. I would highly suggest adding the rest of the punctuation...but that's just my thought. Is there a specific reason for the lack of punctuation?
Lastly, you did a great job! I look forward to reading more of your works in the future! Keep up the good work!
Thank you. And the reason is because everyone reads a poem differently; more specifically everyone reads poems with a different rhythm and different pace/flow to it. So if the author adds punctuation it might throw off the flow of the reader. Yes it is the authors work and the author can write it how ever they want, but I think the reader would be more please if they read it how they think it was meant to be read and only questions have punctuation (in my poetry) because questions are all read the same no matter what flow/rhythm the reader has. Or at least that's my opinion. : P
Oh! Well excellent work!
I understand completely.
Thanks again. I hope I didn't confuse you. : )
Okay, I walked into this poem not thinking it would actually be something I'd like. But I really did. I loved how the whole thing - at least to me - isn't actually talking about an apple, and by using the metaphor that you did at the beginning, it became an extended metaphor, and the reader can immediately tell that it probably really isn't an apple you're writing about.
This was really good, and I'd love to read more.
Thank you. : )