Hey
I really found this piece both obscure and interesting. I feel like it could be interpreted in many different ways. Is it a generalised piece referring to society's stance on what friendship means or is it more an individual situation where one person has misjudged their relationship with another?
Your writing style for this piece has portrayed an innocent or perhaps even a deluded narrator. You use references in your poem to childlike activities which are actually metaphors with darker implications. For example the narrator describes chasing his victim down as "playing tag". Your poem gives insight into the idea that people don't necessarily perceive things the same way. It shows how one can almost justify any sort of action in one’s mind.
I like the use of the rhetorical question "Are we friends yet?" which is the backbone of your poem.
They continually make the reader question what exactly are the classifications of contemporary friendship.
As far as I can see there are no spelling or grammar errors in your poem. SO congrats you must be good at proofreading. It means I don't have waste time on that and instead get onto some more constructive criticism.
Looking at how you have structured your poem I feel like it might benefit from being organised into stanza. Each stanza could begin with "Are we friends yet?". This might be better because it shows better development with in your poem as the parallel structure between verses would make comparison easier. The repeated use of the question "Are we friends yet?" seems to lend itself to that style of structure. Also it means you could make the ending look more dramatic. You could have the last two lines all by themselves. That would and a lot of emphasis to the finish of the poem.
I like your tone and style of writing. It is very simplistic, your range of vocabulary is very narrow and you use verbs very sparingly. But that is a good thing because it reinforces the delusion of the narrator.
I felt that the idea that anything can be twisted to be justified came through in you writing and it was well done. You write so convincingly from the stalker's point of view, I can almost see how he (or she) can believe they are doing the right thing. Even though I cannot empathise with them, I can sympathise with the fact they were seeking only innocent things and they honestly believed the only way to achieve friendship is through murder and suicide.
Overall I was surprised by this piece. When looking at the title I thought it would some silly poem about friends (you know the sort), but it was quite the opposite. It was highly insightful and almost flawless from a technical view. Just think about the structure, as structure actually plays a significant role in poetry.
Keep up the good writing and season’s greetings,
Veni
P.S. This is my 4th review out of 125 which I'm aiming for by the end of year
Points: 2192
Reviews: 20
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