I find peace in the moment of frozen time
when the rain drops halt and the Earth pauses its spin...
as the wind engulfing me unwraps itself,
offering me a moment
of seeming freedom.
Only then do I dare close my eyes
and dream of all I could have.
Only then do I dare breathe in
the wonderful scents always hidden from me.
Only then do I dare to wish
for something too far from my reach.
Then the moment is cut short by a dull blade
and I am plunged back into the inferno.
Voices find their way to me,
crying
begging
asking
for my return,
something I cannot give them
no matter their desperation.
I am Goliath fighting David,
with scraps of a slingshot
and no stones in my reach.
My army has abandoned me
and I stare longingly at the men David holds company.
The world fades when the stone hits me
and I fall
toward a future I want nothing of.
The rain drops halt and the Earth pauses its spin.
The wind engulfing me unwraps itself.
I dream of a smile.
I breathe in the sweet flowers.
I wish for no cage...
And I take my first step in a dozen years.
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Canary word: Present
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,837 Reviews
Hello, priceofwords here
Your poem is amazing and I love it. I especially loved your reference to the story of david and goliath, which adds so much more depth to the story which you spin in the poem. The way in which you used single words to evoke emotion from the narrator is so effective, and so beautiful I felt as though I were there.
One of the lines which I particularly liked was, 'The rain drops halt and the Earth pauses it's spin.' It makes the poem seem mythical - you also stop time within it which I think is brilliant. I have always admired people who appear to 'stop time' when writing their poems and stories - I have seen it done in John Steinbeck's 'Of Mice And Men' and found it to be of great benefit to the novel.
The only thing I would say about this is that you put 'rain' and 'drops' as two separate words. As far as I know they are meant to be merged together. If this is not so then I apologise, but apart from that this is a very intriguing read.
Please keep writing and spreading that wonderful talent you have!
priceofwords
Hello....
I love the poem and I'm going to stalk your works.
The opening lines are very maudlin and create a refreshing start to the poem. The vocabulary is pretty and pleasing to the reader. Your style of format is unconventional and unique so... overall, the poem is pretty good.
It all started with melancholy and the last line just turned the tables, so, the poem felt like the inception to something and the effect is pretty good.
I can't criticize it, even in a review, because I really loved it and it was speaking to my soul. However, there is always room for improvement. So keep writing better and better.