Cutting is something I do
Most likely to people like you
Greedy, unsightly, and filled with fright.
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Now don't play with me
Because I can't guarantee
That you shall survive the night!
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Slicing and peeling;
Oh, what a great feeling!
Tell me, child, are you ready to face my might?
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Though I might look innocent,
I am actually quite brilliant
At taking away one's feisty bite.
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Don't mind me!
Now we'll just see
If you put up a fight...
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Surely, child, don't you see my trap?
That you are falling into my lap?
Though I guess you'll understand once you reach Heaven's light.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,808 Reviews
Hello, NightOwl.
I like how you put this in the unique perspective of a serial killer. I will say that this is the first horror poem I have read on YWS. I enjoy how the are separated into groups of three. This is a well written poem and I liked how creative it was as well. It was very well written.
This poem is truly disturbing and I feel like the narrator is a serial killer like Ted Bundy who lured his victims by donning a 'nice guy' facade. Some stanza's have more impact than others, and overall I think you could improve the language and use more words that communicate the violent intentions (Like slicing and peeling, feisty and trap) You could also bump in a few more rhetorical questions to draw the reader into the 'conversation'. Did you have a purpose for writing this? I'm interested to hear if you did.
I originally wrote it for character development, actually. Since it's based off of a character I made recently, I was hoping to get some new ideas when writing. So I guess it had a purpose since I got a few things sorted out by the time I finished
nice~ character development is good
This poem is kinda cool!
but the thing is that I am really wondering about
: from where do you get the idea for writing this kind of poem?
Maybe you have watched a horror movie and just mixes up the emotions you have for someone and jot down a rhyming poem?
P.S I was just kinda curious if this poem concern to some real person or If it's just a work of your imagination?
overall Good job keep it up!
It's based off of a character in one of my newest stories. Supposed to be kinda his theme (before I cut some stuff, it even had 'Olivers Poem' originally in the title). Don't worry, I'm not a psychopath! xD
Finally, a poem that rhymes!
WOW! That was... Interesting. I love the way you worded your poem, and rhymed! (Rhyming poems are my favorite) Although, I wonder what your inspiration for this was. As descriptive as you were, maybe you could add more of the five main senses. That would really liven your poem. This would also add a certain depth to it.
I hope you keep writing!
(Sorry for repeating this. The computer cut part of it out)
Ooooh prettttttyyyyyyyyyyy! It felt like there were all these different elements and that they just suddenly wound all together at the end with the last syllable, while also being a continuous narration throughout...
The rhyme scheme was quite unusual but very good, and you pretty much got away with the irregular line length, although this line jarred a little: "Tell me, child, are you ready to face my might?" Might work better as just "child, are you ready..."
The last stanza just fell into place perfectly. I think that this could possibly work slightly better as three stanzas rather than six, with the first two as one, then the third and fourth as one, etc. It would possible help the fluidity, as between some of the stanzas the rhythm seems to halt.
I enjoyed this, and the dark feeling it had to it.