Young Writers Society

I am a big fan of music, and love reading others lyrics. I thought this was really good. This is a good song that people will love. Of course, I don't know the real tune, but I kind of made my own up in my head of how it will go. I thought that it was just amazing, and that you should really write more songs.

This song shows to me, that you might be more independent and don't need a girlfriend/boyfriend to make you happy. You just need you and you imagination, so you can dream.

This song has a very good chorus. I think the chorus has very strong meaning because you explain how you feel if someone does/says this too someone else. You believe in yourself is what I'm trying to say. You show independence, and I like that about this song.

I like the third chorus. I just love how you say...

I thought you would heal me, but that's now what I need
'cause all that you want from me is too watch me bleed

This seems like a song that gives off a sense of independence.

On the second line of verse 3, "too" needs one less "o" in it. Also, the last line is a little confusing. Are you trying to say "I'll take my thoughts away with another dream" or something else? I don't exactly understand what you mean here.

Also, is the stanza after verse 1 part of that verse or are they a separate group? (All of the rest of the verses only have 1 stanza.)

Good luck!

Lau here for a review.
First: put a comma behind the sentece you want a pause. It helps to take a breath for the readers.
Second: this was great! I loved the song.
"Surrounded by the smoke of a burning dream" was my favourite line. I feel like that sometimes, Anyway, great job!