Hey. I wrote this song for someone who will always be very dear to my heart. I hope you like it. ♥Chrissie.
1.
crazy
my eyes are wide open
maybe I'll stumble into that I
can call home
*[chorus]
do you want to feel broken?
do you need to feel whole?
my eyes are wide open
I need you to walk me home
by far
you are
a lone star
2.
walking
in old jeans
doing everything to please
and feed
the fire in me
trying to see
who you really are
or who you want to be
* [chorus again]
B. [bridge]
it's supposed to be wrong [X2]
I'm not supposed to be writing songs
about you
know that I am here
when ever you are alone, my dear
* [chorus again]
L. [last verse]
stick up a picket fence
and a sidewalk
throw in some rain
maybe home will wash away
your pain
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140,763 Literary Works • 673,687 Reviews
Hi! I'm Mia, and as you are about to find out, I've never reviewed lyrics before!
OK, so The title is good and attention-grabbing. However, in the first verse, the line:syllable ratio is a little off: you need to either have consistently short lines, or consistently long. However, the line-length in the first verse meant that I had trouble understanding the flow and rhyme patterns until I sang the song under my breath.
Also, in the chorus, the word "whole" doesn't really ryhme with "home", so maybe you could change one or the other?
Make sure you capitalise the start of each line too!
Apart from that, good job!
Keep writing!
Mia x