LIFE is Light ..... and Darkness

I think here comes the reality of a human's "life".This is such a poetry that is really heart-touching.The rhymes you used,the words you selected and the topic you choose is absolutely fantastic!
But ,Muzzammil,you should be more careful in using the the words because there are some words which are changing your real meaning whatever you are trying to convey.
Anyway,well deserved, 10/10

Some of the word choice in this piece felt a bit forced to me - like "synonym", "pry", "slaughter", "alim".

The phrasing also is a bit quirky - for instance "a bunch of beam" - I cannot imagine what in the world that might look like. I would encourage you to be very careful on word choice to make sure that you're familiar with the words you're using, because sometimes the slight change in connotation creates an opposite effect than the intent.

I think the formatting of the extra capital letters and italics is a bit dramatic also. Maybe pick one or the other?

Now what I do like, is the instinct to use metaphors! Metaphors make poetry really pop and make the reader think of even ordinary concepts like "life" in a brand-new way. So I was happy to see how many different metaphors you weaved in here. You could even make the metaphors themselves connect a bit more to bring the poem to the next level.

Keep up that figurative language, it makes poetry shine!

Let me know if you had any questions about my review, have a good day!

~alliyah

Hi there @Muzzammil I am here to do a review on you poem.

LIFE , is like a wind,

Which can even burst through a rim,

Sometimes , it provides you a bunch of beam,

Which can open your ways to cover thy dreams.

But it can also make thou cry.

Hey! Ima review this poem, so lets get started! I want to start off by saying that this is not, by any means, a bad poem. I just, personally, think that the rhymes were a bit awkward at times and it kind of distracted me from the meaning of the poem. I really like the 2nd and last stanza for some reason. However, in the last stanza, I think you meant to type "thin." But to me, it didn't take away from the poem. Although I think you had some awkward rhymes, I still achieved the meaning and I think it has a really nice moral to it. I really like the idea and what you tried to do with it and I liked how you used words such as "thou." Anyways, overall, your poem could be amazing with just a little editing. However, you don't have to change it, because it's your poem. Anyways! See you later~

HEY!!! Louisiana here to review your work!

First off, I like the topic. It's moving; it's passionate.

Second, grammar: So last stanza "alim" I'm pretty sure is supposed to be "slim"...? Overall, though, the grammar is fine, but some subject-verb relations are incorrect. "it" and "fall" should be "it" and "falls". I saw such things a few more times (first stanza).


Rhyme Scheme: This poem is so beautiful but your rhyme scheme is holding back its full potential. Because of the specific diction that's available when using a rhyme scheme, one tends to accidentally use words that rhyme but don't fit in. In the second to last stanza, the rhyme scheme was beautiful; it flowed flawlessly...until the last line. That just broke the flow. I suggest re-reading your poem in different ways, with different flows to find your best match based on the tone and theme of the work. Of all the stanzas and rhyme schemes used, the second to last stanza fit in the best. So, I'd either go free-form on this or use that rhyme scheme. I hope that helps.

I'm a little confused in the second stanza... "Can eliminate everything which you call a pry," for example... This made me stop and stare at the line trying to see what my author was saying. It seemed awkward compared to what was said before. Like, I know what you're trying to say, but the rhyme scheme just gets in the way. Like I said before, you want it to flow

Your last stanza needs better diction... Again, I see where you are going but this stanza does not exactly fit in with the rest of the poem.

Repetition: I like how you repeat the word "LIFE". It helps with the theme and the tone.

If you are going to use "thy" and "thou," I think you should use it completely or don't use it at all. I saw "you" a lot and then "thy" and "thou" and that made it choppy. I like your use of "thy" and "thou" but make it consistent. Speaking of which, another grammar thing: Last stanza, the second line should be "It goes on, whether thou art happy or sad; slim or fat; alive or dead." That is more grammatically correct (plus comma splices without the use of connecting conjunctions before "alive or dead" so I would use semi-colons).

Overall, this is a great start! I love where you are going with this! Keep it up!!

Louisiana