Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Action / Adventure

E - Everyone

Batman !!!

by Muzzammil


It's not just Gotham ,

                                    It's also asylum. 

The injustice will fear , 

                                        Cause justice is here.

A man in Cape , 

                             The crime's brake.

His color is black , 

                                As fearsome as bat.

He is brave,

                      Enough to dig a grave.

His name is wayne,

                                  The master of brain .

He is a man ,

                       Who never ran .

He is not just a man ,

                                     They call him 'BATMAN'.

    

                                                                                                                      (Khan)


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



Random avatar

Points: 39
Reviews: 1

Donate
Fri Jan 04, 2019 6:15 am
EjayOtaku says...



I really love the rhyme scheme. You just need to capitalize a few words like wayne and capitalize words like cape. I don't know if this is your style or choice though. if it is, just ignore. But, if you really want to bring focus on Batman's character, mention his parents in the grave line and get rid of the wayne line since he doesn't identify with wayne; he identifies with Batman.

If you want to be more true to the comics, you can get rid of the "his name is wayne" line.




Muzzammil says...


Yeh .



Random avatar

Points: 39
Reviews: 1

Donate
Fri Jan 04, 2019 6:15 am
EjayOtaku wrote a review...



I really love the rhyme scheme. You just need to capitalize a few words like wayne and capitalize words like cape. I don't know if this is your style or choice though. if it is, just ignore. But, if you really want to bring focus on Batman's character, mention his parents in the grave line and get rid of the wayne line since he doesn't identify with wayne; he identifies with Batman.

If you want to be more true to the comics, you can get rid of the "his name is wayne" line.




User avatar
229 Reviews


Points: 1743
Reviews: 229

Donate
Thu Jan 03, 2019 10:55 pm
Horisun wrote a review...



This was very enjoyable. I'm not a big batman fan myself, but I still loved this poem. I didn't see much that could be worked on, except for maybe the last few lines.
"He is a man, who never ran, he is not just a man, they call him batman."
So, first she said, he is a man who never ran. You don't need a coma there, then you say he isn't just a man. That's confusing.
Also, with the last line, this is just me, but I always have the last line either not rhyme at all, or rhyme with the first sentence.
That's it though, you've made a really good poem that was very enjoyable.
As always, keep writing!




Muzzammil says...


Thank you , yeh i got it what you are trying to say.



User avatar
72 Reviews


Points: 5701
Reviews: 72

Donate
Thu Jan 03, 2019 7:50 pm
hiraeth wrote a review...



Hi muzzamil!

Hiraeth here for a review.

First, let me just say, Marvel is so much better than DC {if you wanna fight about it, bring it on! :D}.

But, yeah, okay, i can handle Batman I guess.

So, back to the poem.

You have some very nice rhymes; but as is often the case with such poems, readers will find that some of the rhymes seem forced (and i say this from experience, i used to force rhymes too). For example, these lines:

"He is brave,

Enough to dig a grave."

Digging a grave has nothing to do with bravery, you know? Gravediggers just do their job, man, it's not like their life is in mortal peril, you know what I mean? So when readers read this, they'll think, Wow, this makes absolutely no sense , and that is something you do not want the reader to think.

Nombre Deux: Grammar

You have some grammatical errors, which I'll list out one by one

- "It's also asylum. " : you need an 'an' before asylum, i.e, the line should be: " It's also an asylum."

-"A man in Cape" should be "A man in a cape.
-"The master of the brain" sounds better if you write, "The master of the brain"
-And lastly, "As fearsome as bat" should be "As fearsome as a bat."

To err is human, mauzzamil. There is always room for improvement, and that is why why we review, why there are critics.

Keep writing, confound us with you next piece!




Muzzammil says...


Well i never fight on dc or marvel ....enough to dig a grave , i was using this sentence to say that he can kill you or he can send you to grave. ... maybe it's a bit misunderstanding. .. yeh i have seen the grammar mistakes you know what , i think that poetry should be free of all grammer and tenses . Well thanks for the review.




Be steadfast as a tower that doth not bend its stately summit to the tempest’s shock.
— Dante Alighieri