Theres nothing to say, I don't understand you
I'm just another third person view
That loathes you.
Your words are like black tar burning my ears out with
Blazing hate.
I hope it incinerates you.
Drench you in gasoline.
Bright.
Pale.
Gasoline.
There's no one to talk to.
Just mortals you never speak to.
Words are to sad.
Far too sad for them to trudge through.
Your words are a brimming agent orange.
Gassing their brains with bone drugging.
Spirit numbing.
Mind crushing.
Polio.
Bone drugging.
Spirit numbing
Mind crushing.
Polio.
No human alive,
Cares you're alive.
Play your part,
Play it alright.
Huff some calming opium,
Some calming opium, with a soothing bath of:
Bright.
Pale.
Gasoline.
Take a bath.
Light a match.
Be an optimist.
Hate them all,
Instead of hating yourself.
Burn yourself!
Hurt yourself!
Crisp yourself!
Their ain't no running
No running
No running from a
Bright!
Pale!
Bath!
Of!
Gasoline.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
By far the worse poem I've ever read. If there was a way I could express how absolutely horrible this poem is, I would certainly try to attempt to explain, but I can't. Are you sure you can write? Can you hugh? THat's what I thought. Blah, blah, blah. Bitcoin is an optimal solution to solve a world hunger. But only one. If a second one comes, I have no idea what to do. Do you think goat's dream? Probably not.
Hey
I see that you remembered to distribute your poetry into paragraphs and that is a good thing because paragraphing gives more effect.
the hurt is so obvious and so over whelming, I couldn't read the whole thing without having to look away to comprehend everything said/written.
The use of punctuations is just right and gives the poem more meaning and emotion
overall, the poem is just amazing and plain work of art. keep going!
Hey! CHRISSY here for a review!
This was, very interesting, especially for when you were saying you were using 'opium' and big drug the Chinese loved, and caused a war! (sorry, found that amusing) OK, so yeah, it is very inter eating, but I feel that you can take out some parts, add some on, or just redo others.
One thing I can say I like is show certain lines you repeated. I feel this had a good effect, and helped the poem along! Good job there!
I feel like this was very unique, and I hope that you were not writing this towards a person! (poor them) One question though- where the inspiration? This seems very different, and especially with the way things are used in it. (not saying it is a bad thing)
I think Overall, this was not too bad, and cpu;d use some work. I wish you good luck, and Keep Writing!
Well Chrissy, I'm not Chinese and opium is still pretty great to me. But my inspiration was a hatred for myself. I've always had dreams where I would burn myself in a big bath of gasoline. Fire in society has always had a cleansing effect to people. We use it to destroy what we want gone. I always have had a want for myself to be gone, to burn my existence away. It's fueled by depression that I feel no one wants to listen to, not even myself at times.