Hey Brainwasher!
Ellie here to give you a review. I really like this article. It's definitely very thought provoking and well written. I haven't watched Elon Musk's Ted Talk, but I think this works pretty well on its own merits. Just out of curiosity, was this for a class or did you write it for fun?
This is really solid, so I just have a few thoughts. I think I get, overall, what you're trying to say, but I think it could have more of a strong conclusion. What I took from it is that sometimes, we can make choices big or small that can have huge impacts. Of course, we never know where those choices are going to lead when they make them. But I could be wrong. I finished the article unsure what you were trying to say, so I think this could definitely be clarified.
For example,what if Albert Einstein hadn't had happened, if the little boy who grew up to be a legend had died of some cause
This was odd to me. I understand what you're saying, but Albert Einstein was a person. He wasn't an event that "happened". He had a life and career and his choices molded him to the person he became. I think this is a good point overall though and can easily be rephrased.
Like you could be in a park and the person next to you could be a psychopath who could kill you any moment. If that person actually kills you, we as a society would be forced to ruminate over the brutality of the chaos this life brings with it.
I would use a more specific example here. Personally, this made me think of Sharon Tate. I'm not sure how much you know about the Manson family, but it was exactly the kind of random violence that forced our society to reflect on certain nasty truths about the world.
Overall, really solid stuff. Let me know if you have any questions!
Points: 1630
Reviews: 1260
Donate