A Criminal's Heart - Ch-1(Olivia)

Hey again, shubhi~! Again, you’ve gotten a lot of reviews for this chapter, so I’m probably not going to stumble on anything new for you here, but I’ll do what I can.

Well, turns out I was wrong. XD Amanda really is a bit of a nasty person, huh? XDD I’m actually a bit disappointed finding this out—it makes her rather less of a fully-developed, round character and rather more of a cackling villain. However, I suppose it does show a lot more of why Olivia would have eventually snapped, gotten sick of being picked on her by her, so I can see its purpose—and I imagine that a lot of fakeness and sneering really does go on behind the scenes in an acting world like this one.

And this chapter did definitely give me a better impression of who Olivia is and why she eventually just fell apart. I especially liked her moments of comparing herself to being Amanda’s dog, and her own fake worshipful attitude towards Amanda during the conversation at the restaurant. That particularly was actually pretty interesting—it showed that in some ways, Olivia and Amanda aren’t that different. Amanda cultivates a false personality for the cameras, and Olivia cultivates a false personality for Amanda and the people around her. Both these facades are cloyingly sweet but hide something terrible behind them—whether it’s Amanda’s general… witchiness or Olivia’s bitterness and violent impulses.

It was also interesting to see to what degree Olivia is motivated, not just by her hatred of Amanda’s personality, but by her own lost dreams. That was actually something I could sympathize with a bit, having failed at a major goal recently, and I think it added a bit of sadness in the mix of all her anger that made the character more approachable. She’s facing the realization that she can’t be the actress that she’s always dreamed of, and that’s a difficult and painful thing. Despite the fact that she’s technically the “villain” in this scenario, being the killer and all, she’s still very sympathetic, and it’s not hard to be on her side as the protagonist.

I also liked little mentions of things like how the rain reminded her of the night when she first met Amanda—it softens her character, humanizes her a bit, and that makes her an easier protagonist to get close to.

I was wondering a little as I read—as Amanda’s manager, I’m not sure that Olivia would actually be following her around on the red carpet. Granted, I don’t know all that much about Hollywood, but I don’t think managers are generally considered “important” enough to be in the public view for events like this.

You might also want to keep an eye out—this chapter was kind of riddled with little typos. You might want to read the chapter again, slowly, before you post it, to double check for them. : )

Otherwise, though, this is an interesting continuation—I daresay I liked it a little better than the prologue. I’ll be by for chapter two as soon as I can. Until next time!

As with the prologue, this first chapter seems to be lacking. Amanda is horrible, which means a lot of people wouldn't want her around, and it would seem reasonable that someone who has been trampled by her all the time would eventually crack. But, in the prologue Olivia mentioned different motives, like how Amanda gets everything she wants. This makes Olivia less likable, because her motives seem a little too materialistic.

Perhaps Olivia would be better as more of a Cinderella character. Making her completely humble even in Amanda's shadow would make her stand out a bit more.

Lastly, if this story is going to be split between past and present so much, it would be best to find another way of separating the two. Italics are more difficult to read than normal font, so if they're going to be used over a longer period of time, you might be better using different headings instead.

Hello there, Shubhi!

Here as requested.

“I told you that you are no good. I am more talented, powerful and smart#FF0000 ">er than you,” I was talking to the dead Amanda. But there was no reply in protest of my comment because dead can’t speak.

Till now he has directed forty two films out of which only four failed to rock #FF0000 ">the box-office.

“She is my manager and best friend, Olivia Hurley. We have been friends since we were like..#FF0000 ">.eight.

Thanks.

I really like this story. I feel as though you have alot of amazing reviews here, and that I would be repeating what most of them said, so this review will be one short and sweet. I think you should re-read your chapters before you post them so you can find the tiny mistakes first

have a great day,
Tiffany

Here on request, Shubhi!

I have finally killed Amanda Bailey. No need for repetition, dear It was tough but I somehow managed it. I had to; nothing in the life comes easily. While I mention all this, I can also enjoy the pleasure of seeing her dead body stretched out in front of me. Silent; unlike Amanda. You would be thinking why I am writing this all here. I want to describe everything live. Many of you, who will be reading this later, might find me a selfish and cruel friend. But let me clear up this before, I did this for the welfare of all Americans. Had I left her alive, she would have continued acting, which I need not tell how pathetic that is, disturbing the common man. Yes, she was a bad actress, the worst among worst. In the prologue you said you taught her acting, and now you are saying she sucks... can you see the problem? She tortured me which best friends don't do and she stole my chance. I just had had enough of her.
Not a single soul knew about my idea because even I didn’t know I was going to do this


It was the premiere of her latest film,'Harry Knows Dancing’ and the crowd was uncontrollable. Amanda Bailey was starring opposite James Garner for the first time. You know what happens when the most successful stars come together; lightning sparks.
Amanda walked the red carpet with as much elegance as she always did, waving and passing flying kisses to her stupid fans. I was all the time behind her, chasing her like a dog. I hated doing this for it reminded me of my failure every day and night. I detested being her manager, the person who she could insult and curse anywhere, in front of anyone. This night was no different but there was one difference. It was going to be her last insult for me because she wasn’t going to survive to witness another sunrise.

“I am please to meet you, little angel,” she waved her hand on the head of a little female fan of hers.
“You are so kind, Miss Bailey. Momma said you won’t sign my autograph book tonight. Look momma, you were wrong!” The little girl jumped in excitement flying her little autograph book in air showing it to her mom who was standing close to her.
“Yes dear. She just signed it,” the proud mother clapped for her little angel.Wouldn't it be funnier if the mom didn't meally care? Hmm...
“I am glad that I could bring a smile to someone’s face,” Amanda smiled her counterfeited glee, as usual. She rolled the Parker pen in her freshly manicured hands, giving the girl a sweet little hug making sure the poor girl felt more joyful. The more the girl (or any of her fans) was joyful because of her, the more publicity it meant. Everything she did from visiting old age home to playing with a girl was a publicity gimmick. I can't fully blame her. After all, I helped her do this. I was equally responsible.
Amanda was studded with diamonds, a girl’s best friend according to some. Her hands were holding one of the most precious handbags ever made by Chanel while her dress came from John Galliano’s own boutique in Paris. The electric blue dress might have been a disaster but the media was going to report it as something else. After all, the producer had paid them an hefty amount for mingling a little bit with words. Instead of writing ‘a disaster’ they just had to put ‘a marvel’ in its place. But somewhere in the bottom of my heart, I knew that there was going to be someone who would take the path of truth. Unless this is going to happen, delete it.
“Ha! Stupid urchins! They believe they can touch me and I like it,” she referred to the little girl after turning around. I turned my attention towards her. It was astonishing to me how some people have the courage to act fake in real life. She was no good at ‘reel’ life but if you ask me, she was superb in real life in terms of acting. That sentence is kind of awkward, look over it and read it aloud. She said it was a necessity if she wanted to remain in this glamour world. She was someone who was noticed even in the biggest crowd. I was not that someone and that’s maybe the reason I was far behind her in this rat race.
“But you just gave the little girl a hug. What was that?” I asked in surprise mixed with a teaspoon of disgust.
She laughed hysterically looking at the starry sky and whispered,“Are you an idiot? That’s publicity my dear. Fame and money is not so easy to get.”
I sighed and started walking ahead which definitely raised her anger thermometer.
“Are you coming or will I have to watch your show alone?” I asked her.
I knew she was disgusted with my behaviour but however joined me inside.

“Miss Bailey, you were fantastic! I think you are the next Audrey Hepburn,” Mr. Stephenson Cripps remarked as Amanda joined them for dinner at one of the best hotels in Los Angeles.
The most successful producers, directors, actors and actresses were assembled here to celebrate the success of ‘Harry Knows Dancing’ This was underlined before, in books you don't often see things underlined. on the invitation of its producer, Tony Brennan. Nobody here cared for the success, except for its cast and crew, but had merely come to enjoy the food at La Dakota. To become a spotlight and new stars merely came to rub shoulders with important people. This sentence doesn't make sense to me.
“Thank you Mr. Cripps for this sweet comment. It is such an honor to be compared with legendary Hepburn. I feel obliged, I really do,” Amanda said to the director.
“I have a problem here. I think what Mr. Cripps said was half wrong. Amanda has already become today’s Audrey Hepburn,” Tony Brennan cheered her.
The crowd comprised of some eminent personalities including Josh Burton; my target. One film under his direction and then no one could stop me from becoming next Hepburn. Josh was standing in a corner talking to some very important person it seemed. Josh was in his thirties and had jet black hair. Till now he has directed forty two films out of which only four failed to rock he box-office. The man he was talking to was not known to me. They were laughing loudly and shaking their wine glasses. I hoped he was talking to a producer; I thought and prayed at the same time.
I knew my life was going to change tonight; I had some intuition for this change. I kept thinking the whole time that the change was going to be a film offered to me but I was wrong. I was going to become a criminal tonight just because of that Amanda.
“Come join us, Olivia,” Amanda said gesturing me to sit next to Luke Bryant, the famous actor.
“Me? Do you want me to join you all? It’s so sweet of you,” I said, but nothing came from my heart. This was something Amanda had forced me to say so she could show everyone how generous she was. She never wanted me to join her in this high society, because somehow I was inferior to these artificial people and their fake but fancy life.
Amanda nodded and I sat next to Luke. He looked at me and passed a warm smile. He was known in the industry for his geniality, acting skills and looks. When you have a combination of all three, you are ordained to rock on screen.
“She is my manager and best friend, Olivia Hurley. We have been friends since we were like..eight. I don’t know how would I survive even one day without her. She does all menial tasks for me and takes the headache of fixing the meetings with producers and directors. She controls my schedule. And don’t forget the yummy pancakes she makes with my dinner every night,” Amanda introduced me. She was right. I had to do all of the menial tasks for her. I was supposed to take care of her routine, diet and PR but I got nothing in return, except for that flat in Oakwood Heights which was the only beauty in my life.
“That’s enough I think. Don’t make me sound like a goddess when you are one,” I smiled making everyone roar into laughter.
“Is that what you do for a living?” Melissa asked me. She was a B-grade actress and was known to make repulsive speech in media.
“Precisely. She is the best boss ever,” I replied. I believe I had pleased Amanda with all the fake but lovely things I had said about her.
I turned back to find that Josh Burton was making a beeline towards us. My heart and pulse rate began to shoot up. Is he coming to discuss the new project? I wondered.
“Good evening Amanda. This was your best performance ever,” he said as he pecked her hand.
“Hey Josh, thank you. It’s not often one hears praises from Josh,” she smiled. Josh gave us all a grin and sat on a vacant chair next to Melissa. Melissa and Josh began talking about something while Amanda got busy with Matt. Everyone had someone to talk to because they all had some work or duty which needed to be completed. My life was restricted to Amanda and her housecleaning so I never really had any topic to discuss. Besides, none of them who were seated on this important table would have liked to talk to me, a mere servant. I was nothing more than a servant, just like her Chihuahua who was expected to go wherever she went and agree with her all the time.

I was desperately waiting for Josh to tell something about his movie which would remind Amanda of her promise. She had given me her word about talking to Josh about a role in his upcoming film; she had guaranteed to get me the lead.
“I have something to announce. Mr. Tyler has agreed to finance my next project. I just have one problem now,” Josh said.
No one seemed to care about it except for the actresses. Everyone knew that his film would be entered around the heroine and anyone who got this role was going to become a superstar overnight. Remember, there are many comets, few stars and only one superstar in the film trade. And as for now, Amanda was that one superstar but it was poised for a change.
“A heroine? Is that your problem?” Amanda asked.
“You guessed it. I am looking for some fresh face. But this one should have talent too. Not any pretty face would do,” Josh made himself clear and looked at me. It was not that I was in his mind. No one present here knew that I was also an actress because Amanda never let them know. She knew that I could be a danger to her smooth career.
“Why do you want a newcomer? We have lots of established faces which people would be delighted to see. We don’t one more actress to add to this rat race. Do we?” Amanda claimed surprising me. She was double- crossing me. I just wanted to burst out in tears but I had to control my feelings. I knew that she was selfish and proud but I didn’t know she was a liar and a promise-breaker. She had broken my trust and heart forever.“And who is better than our own Amanda? I think she is the best option,” Stephenson recommended.
Amanda pretended to be honored and shy at this proposal. She was eyeing for this role ever since but I didn’t know that. Yet aain, this doesn't make much sense. I was such a fool to believe that she would let me come in her profession. She was just showing me a lolly-pop and making me dream of things which I would never have.
“Why didn’t I think of this before? The girl is sitting right in front of me. My search ends here, Amanda. You are my next heroine,” Josh started jumping with excitement literally.
I was torn apart by my best friend. She treated me badly sometimes but we were still best friends. I shared every secret with her although she showed no interest in them and she did the same. I had helped her in taking some important decisions of her life. How could she betray me? I had made up my mind to quit the job and tell her about it the same night. But then came another idea to my brilliant mind. Why not end her story? In this movie of life, I was going to be the story writer, the director and the actor at the same time showing her my real talent. I wasn’t just meant to cut onions in her kitchen or tie her laces and I was going to prove that even if that meant... I don't see why you needed so many periods there


The whistling of the wind brought me back from this flash back. It seemed like someone had pushed me into the memory lake but I had to come out of it or else I would be pushing myself in grave danger. Another minute at Amanda’s house could have proved lethal. I stood up from the Parisian sofa. I was in the upper section of the house right close to Amanda’s bedroom. Her body was in front of me, devoid of any motion or expression, soaked in blood. Her beautiful Victoria’s Secret mauve nightgown now looked crimson with blood. I cleaned the Korth revolver and kept it in my handbag. I had bought this revolver a long time ago after coming to L.A because I was going to be alone here and this place is really not safe. But it was now that it had come to a good use.
“I told you that you are no good. I am more talented, powerful and smarter than you,” I was talking to the dead Amanda. But there was no reply in protest of my comment because dead can’t speak. The place was dark except for the light provided by moon which made its way through the glass window, lighting up my face. The night looked beautiful and pleasant even more than it was as I had a beautiful reason to cheer me up. Dead Amanda. I jumped over her body and started climbing down the stairs while trying to make minimal noise. Tonight the spiral staircase seemed never-ending. I heard the clouds thunder and the rain started pouring. Well great, another boulder to my problem, I thought. One can’t drive properly during rainfall and the rains had always panicked me. I don’t know why but the rains seemed like a torture.
It was raining when I first met Amanda thirteen years ago in a small park in Texas, our hometown. I would never forget that day and this one too.
I silently made a beeline towards the back door and got out through it. It seemed that all the trees and decoration pieces had become witnesses of my crime. I shuddered back as I saw a big tree thinking of it to be a police officer. I was scared very much but that was nothing in front of my new found happiness.
The wet mud made walking even more difficult and a torture for my sprained ankle. While fighting with Amanda I had received this sprain. I should have gone straightaway to a doctor but any risk wasn’t on my list now. My one mistake could end me up behind the bars. No I couldn’t afford it. I will find some other treatment at home only, I thought to myself while walking down the path. My car was parked right there, close to Amanda’s backyard. The area at the backside of her house was under construction and no one lived there so my car was safe there and so was I.

I was there in my Toyota Prius smoking the last cigarette left in my pocket. As I blew in and out the air I began wondering about the future. Now that I had killed Amanda, my biggest hurdle, what was there I could do. Start looking for some decent roles? That was not my idea. I had waited for years to do something big and now I wasn’t going to start all this again. Now I couldn’t wait to get a big role. Not any role would do now. I should go to Josh and talk about the role. But if I talked about my role now he would become suspicious. I was Amanda’s best friend and I had to mourn so as to look sad for her demise. The series of these thoughts seemed never ending. I heard a horn, probably coming from behind and a moment later a light flashed in my eyes. Who is this person? I thought. I was in big-time trouble. I must rush, I told myself.

Hey again

I've got to say, I liked this even more than the prologue! If the next chapter is even better than this, then I can't wait to read it!
Now, onto the main nit-picks.

OLIVIA (Chapter-1}

25th June, 2009
11:00 PM

I have finally killed Amanda Bailey. I finally did it. It was tough but #FF0000 ">somehow I #FF0000 ">(Swap the I and the somehow) managed it. I had to; nothing in #FF0000 ">the life comes easily. While I mention all this, #0000FF ">I can also enjoy the pleasure of seeing her dead body stretched out in front of me. Silent; unlike Amanda. You would be thinking why I am writing this all here. I want to describe everything live. Many of you, who would be reading this later, might find me a selfish and cruel friend. But let me clear up this before, I did this for the welfare of all Americans. Had I left her alive, she would have continued acting, which I need not tell how pathetic is, disturbing the common man. Yes, she was a bad actress, the worst among worse. She tortured me which best friends don't do and she stole my chance. I have had enough of her.
#0000FF ">(I love this first paragraph! It shows how insane Olivia actually is and how normal she thinks what she's doing is.)
Not a single soul knew about my idea because even I didn’t know this.


It was the premiere of her latest film,'Harry Knows Dancing’ and the crowd was uncontrollable.#FF0000 ">Need a space here Amanda Bailey was starring opposite James Garner for the first time. You know what happens when the most successful stars come together; lightning sparks.
Amanda walked the red carpet with as much elegance as she always did, waving and passing flying kisses to her stupid fans. #FF0000 ">I was all the time behind her, #FF0000 ">(Rephrase this to something like, While I just followed behind,) chasing her like a dog. I hated doing this for it reminded me of my failure every day and night. I detested being her manager, the person who she could insult and curse anywhere, in front of anyone. This night was no different but there was one difference. It was going to be her last insult for me because she wasn’t going to survive to witness another sunrise.

“I am please to meet you, little angel,” she waved her hand on the head of a little female fan of hers.
“You are so kind, Miss Bailey. Momma said you won’t sign my autograph book tonight. Look momma, you were wrong!” The little girl jumped in excitement flying her little autograph book in air showing it to her mom who was standing close to her.
“Yes dear. She just signed it,” the proud mother clapped for her little angel.
“I am glad that I could bring a smile to someone’s face,” Amanda smiled her counterfeited glee as usual. She rolled the Parker pen in her freshly manicured hands, giving the girl a sweet little hug making sure the poor fellow felt more joyful. More the girl(or any of her fans) #FF0000 ">was #FF0000 ">(were) joyful because of her, more publicity it meant. Everything she did from visiting old age home to playing with a girl was a publicity gimmick. I can't fully blame her. After all, I helped her do this. I was equally responsible.
Amanda was studded with diamonds, a girl’s best friend according to some. Her hands were holding one of the most precious handbag ever made by Chanel while her dress came from John Galliano’s own boutique in Paris. The electric blue dress might have been a disaster but the media was going to report something else. After all, the producer had paid them an hefty amount for mingling a little bit with words. Instead of writing ‘a disaster’ they just had to put ‘a marvel’ in its place. But somewhere in the bottom of my heart, I knew that there was going to be someone who would take the path of truth.
“Ha! Stupid urchins! They believe they can touch me and I like it,” she referred to the little girl after turning around. I turned my attention towards her. It was astonishing me that how could some people have the courage to act fake in real life. She was no good at ‘reeal’ life but if you ask me, she was superb in real life in terms of acting. She said it was a necessity if she wanted to remain in this glamour world. She was someone who was noticed even in the biggest crowd. I was not that someone and that’s maybe the reason I was far behind her in this rat race.
“But you just gave the little girl a hug. What was that?” #0000FF ">I asked in surprise mixed with a teaspoon of disgust. #0000FF ">(I loved this metaphor!)
She laughed hysterically looking at the starry sky and whispered,“Are you an idiot? That’s publicity my dear. Fame and money is not so easy to get.”
I sighed and started walking ahead which definitely raised her anger thermometer.
“Are you coming or will I have to watch your show alone?” I asked her.
I knew she was disgusted with my behaviour but however joined me inside.[./i]

“Miss Bailey, you were fantastic! I think you are the next Audrey Hepburn,” Mr. Stephenson Cripps remarked as Amanda joined them for dinner at one of the best hotels in Los Angeles.
The most successful producers, directors, actors and actresses were assembled here to celebrate the success of ‘Harry Knows Dancing’ on the invitation of its producer, Tony Brennan. Nobody here cared for the success except for its cast and crew, but had merely come to enjoy the food at La Dakota. To become a spotlight and new stars merely came to rub shoulders with important people.
“Thank you Mr. Cripps for this sweet comment. It is such an honor to be compared with legendary Hepburn. I feel obliged, I really do,” Amanda said to the director.
“I have some problem here. I think what Mr. Cripps said was half wrong. Amanda has already become today’s Audrey Hepburn,” Tony Brennan cheered her.
The crowd comprised of some eminent personalities including Josh Burton who was my target. One film under his direction and then no one could stop me from becoming next Hepburn. Josh was standing in a corner talking to some very important person it seemed. #FF0000 ">j#FF0000 ">Josh was around #FF0000 ">his late thirties and had jet black hair. Up till now he had directed forty two film#FF0000 ">s out of which only four failed to rock he box-office. the man he was talking to was not known to me. they were laughing loudly and shaking their wine glasses.#FF0000 ">Space hereI hoped he was talking to a producer; I thought and prayed at the same time.
I knew my life was going to change tonight; I had some intuition for this change. I kept thinking the whole time that the change was going to be a film offered to me but#FF0000 ">, I was wrong. I was going to become a criminal tonight just because of that Amanda.
“Come join us, Olivia,” Amanda said gesturing me to sit next to Luke Bryant, the famous actor.
“Me? Do you want me to join you all? It’s so sweet of you,” I said but nothing came from my heart. This was something Amanda had forced me to say so she could show everyone how generous she was. She never wanted me to join her in this high society because somewhere I was inferior to these artificial people and their fake but fancy life.
Amanda nodded and I sat next to Luke. He looked at me and passed a warm smile. He was known in the industry for his geniality, acting skills and looks. When you have a combination of all three, you are ordained to rock on screen.
“She is my manager and best friend, Olivia Hurley. We have been friends since we were like..eight. I don’t know how would I survive even one day without her. She does all menial tasks for me and takes the headache of fixing the meetings with producers and directors. She controls my schedule. And don’t forget the yummy pancakes she makes with my dinner every night,” Amanda introduced me. She was right. I had to do #FF0000 ">al thel #FF0000 ">(all of the) menial tasks for her. I was supposed to take care of her routine, diet and PR but I got nothing in return except for that flat in Oakwood Heights which was the only beauty in my life.
“That’s enough I think. Don’t make me sound like a goddess when you are one,” I smiled making everyone roar into laughter.
“Is that what you do for a living?” Melissa asked me. She was a B-grade actress and was known to make repulsive speech in media.
“Precisely. She is the best boss ever,” I replied. I believe I had pleased Amanda with all the fake but lovely things I had said about her.
I turned back to find that Josh Burton was making a beeline towards us. My heart and pulse rate began to shoot up. Is he coming to discuss the new project? I wondered.
“Good evening Amanda. This was your best performance ever,” he said as he pecked her hand.
“Hey Josh, thank you. It’s not often one hears praises from Josh,” she smiled. Josh gave us all a grin and sat on a vacant chair next to Melissa. Melissa and Josh began talking about something while Amanda got busy with Matt. Everyone had someone to talk to because they all had some work or duty which needed to be completed. My life was restricted to Amanda and her housecleaning so I never really had any topic to discuss. Besides, none of them who were seated on this important table would have liked to talk to me, a mere servant. I was nothing more than a servant, just like her Chihuahua who was expected to go wherever she went and agree with her all the time.

I was desperately waiting #FF0000 ">for Josh to tell something about his movie which would remind Amanda of her promise. She had given me her word about talking to Josh#FF0000 ">, about a role in his upcoming film; she had guaranteed to get me the lead.
“I have something to announce. Mr. Tyler has agreed to finance my next project. I just have one problem now,” Josh said.
No one seemed to care about it except for the actresses. Everyone knew that his film would be entered around the heroine and anyone who got this role was going to become a superstar overnight. #0000FF ">Remember, there are many comets, few stars and only one superstar in the film trade. #0000FF ">(I loved this!) And as for now, Amanda was that one superstar but it was poised for a change.
“A heroine? Is that your problem?” Amanda asked.
“You guessed it. I am looking for some fresh face. But this one should have talent too. Not any pretty face would do,” Josh made himself clear and looked at me. It was not that I was in his mind. No one present here knew that I was also an actress because Amanda never let them know. She knew that I could be a danger to her smooth career.
“Why do you want a newcomer? We have lots of established faces which people would be delighted to see. We don’t one more actress to add to this rat race. Do we?” Amanda claimed surprising me. She was double- crossing me. I just wanted to burst out in tears but I had to control my feelings. I knew that she was selfish and proud but I didn’t know she was a liar and a promise-breaker. She had broken my trust and heart forever.“And who is better than our own Amanda? I think she is the best option,” Stephenson recommended.
Amanda pretended to be honored and shy at this proposal. She was #FF0000 ">eyeing #FF0000 ">(This word seems rather unsuitable. Maybe craving the role?) for this role ever since but I didn’t know that. I was such a fool to believe that she would let me come in her profession. She was just showing me a lolly-pop and making me dream of things which I would never have.
“Why didn’t I think of this before? The girl is sitting right in front of me. My search ends here, Amanda. You are my next heroine,” Josh started jumping with excitement literally.
I was torn apart by my best friend. She treated me badly sometimes but we were still best friends. I shared every secret with her although she showed no interest#FF0000 ">ing in them and she did the same. I had helped her in taking some important decisions of her life. How could she betray me? I had made up my mind to quit the job and tell her about it the same night. But then came another idea to my brilliant mind. Why not end her story? In this movie of life, I was going to be the story writer, the director and the actor at the same time showing her my real talent. I wasn’t just meant to cut onions in her kitchen or tie her laces and I was going to prove that #0000FF ">even if that meant……………….. #0000FF ">Dom... dom... dooom!


The whistling of the wind brought me back from this flash back. It seemed like someone had pushed me into the memory lake but I had to come out of it or else I would be pushing myself in grave danger. Another minute at Amanda’s house could have proved lethal. I stood up from the Parisian sofa. I was in the upper section of the house right close to Amanda’s bedroom. Her body was in front of me, devoid of any motion or expression, soaked in blood. Her beautiful Victoria’s Secret mauve nightgown now looked crimson with blood. I cleaned the Korth revolver and kept it in my handbag. I had bought this revolver a long time ago after coming to L.A because I was going to be alone here and this place is really not safe. But it was now that it had come to a good use.
#0000FF ">“I told you that you are no good. I am more talented, powerful and smart than you,” I was talking to the dead Amanda. But there was no reply in protest of my comment because dead can’t speak. #0000FF ">(I love how creepy and chilling this part is) The place was dark except for the light provided by moon which made its way through the glass window, lighting up my face. The night looked beautiful and pleasant even more than it was as I had a beautiful reason to cheer me up. Dead Amanda. I jumped over her body and started climbing down the stairs while trying to make minimal noise. Tonight the spiral staircase seemed never-ending. I heard the clouds thunder and the rain started pouring. Well great, another boulder to my problem, I thought. One can’t drive properly during rainfall and the rain#FF0000 ">s had always panicked me. I don’t know why but the rain#FF0000 ">s seemed like a torture.
It was raining when I first met Amanda thirteen years ago in a small park in Texas, our hometown. I would never forget that day and this one too.
I silently made a beeline towards the back door and got out through it. It seemed that all the trees and decoration pieces had become witnesses of my crime. I shuddered back as I saw a big tree thinking of it to be a police officer. I was scared very much but that was nothing in front of my new found happiness.
The wet mud made walking even more difficult and a torture for my sprained ankle. While fighting with Amanda I had received this sprain. I should have gone straightaway to a doctor but any risk wasn’t on my list now. My one mistake could end me up behind the bars. No I couldn’t afford it. I will find some other treatment at home only, I thought to myself while walking down the path. My car was parked right there, close to Amanda’s backyard. The area at the backside of her house was under construction and no one lived there so my car was safe there and so was I.

I was there in my Toyota Prius smoking the last cigarette left in my pocket. As I blew in and out the air I began wondering about the future. Now that I had killed Amanda, my biggest hurdle, what was there I could do. Start looking for some decent roles? That was not my idea. I had waited for years to do something big and now I wasn’t going to start all this again. Now I couldn’t wait to get a big role. Not any role would do now. I should go to Josh and talk about the role. But if I talked about my role now he would become suspicious. I was Amanda’s best friend and I had to mourn so as to look sad for her demise. The series of these thoughts seemed never ending. I heard a horn, probably coming from behind and a moment later a light flashed in my eyes. Who is this person? I thought. I was in big-time trouble. I must rush, I told myself.

Thanks a lot RayquazaKid or RK.

Hey there, here on request.

Ima have to say this right now, I liked this much better than the prologue (though that's normally the case). But really, the murder has a deep back story behind it, and I can see why Olivia chose to do it. What really got me was how cool and collected Olivia was when she did the deed, and of course the deed was pre-meditated so that's natural.

On to the dirty stuff.

Many of you, who would be reading this later, might find me a selfish and cruel friend.

But let me clear up this before, I did this for the welfare of all Americans.

Had I left her alive, she would have continued acting, which I need not tell how pathetic is, disturbing the common man.

Yes, she was a bad actress, the worst among worse

I knew she was disgusted with my behaviour but however joined me inside.[./i] 
[i]“Miss Bailey, you were fantastic! I think you are the next Audrey Hepburn,” Mr. Stephenson Cripps remarked as Amanda joined them for dinner at one of the best hotels in Los Angeles. 

e most successful producers, directors, actors and actresses were assembled here to celebrate the success of ‘Harry Knows Dancing’ on the invitation of its producer, Tony Brennan.

The crowd comprised of some eminent personalities including Josh Burton who was my target.

Josh was standing in a corner talking to some very important person it seemed. josh was around late thirties and had jet black hair.

Up till now he had directed forty two film out of which only four failed to rock he box-office.

I knew my life was going to change tonight; I had some intuition for this change.

Here's my two cents, thanks for listening

You did a good job on this, the only problem I had was that I didn’t really connect with your characters. I didn’t find any of them likable, even your main. I understand that she’s been so close to the spotlight all her life, and when she was going to get her share of it, it was taken away and she snapped. But it seemed as she was telling the story, she despised the world of fame, with its material world and fake, fancy smiles. Why did she want so badly to become a part of that? It didn’t really make much sense to me.

But that was the only major issue I had with this. It would be interesting to see how your character changes now that her only ‘friend’ is out of the picture.

Thanks a lot for all reviews.

Hey Shubi, It's Madz, and I will review this.
The colour-code:
#FF0000 ">Red: You should remove
#0040FF ">Blue: I have added
#FFFF00 ">Yellow: I have replace the previous word with this new word.
#00FF00 ">Green: My personal suggestions.

I have finally killed Amanda Bailey.
#FFFF00 ">[new line]
I finally did it. It was tough#0040FF ">[,] but somehow I managed it. I had to; nothing in the life comes easily. While I mention all this, I can also enjoy the pleasure of seeing her dead body stretched out in front of me. Silent; unlike #0040BF ">[the living] Amanda.
[new paragraph]
You #0040FF ">[probably] would be thinking why I am writing this #FF0000 ">all here. I want to describe everything #FF0000 ">live. Many of you#FF0000 ">, who would be reading this later, might find me a selfish and cruel friend. But let me clear up this#0040FF ">. #FF0000 ">before, I did this for the welfare of all Americans. Had I left her alive, she would have continued acting, which I need not tell how pathetic is, disturbing the common man. Yes, she was a bad actress, the worst among worse. She tortured me#0040FF ">. #FF0000 ">which #FFFF00 ">Best friends don't #FFFF00 ">cause suffering. #FF0000 ">and she stole my chance. I #FFFF00 ">[had had – past tense] enough of her.
#FF0000 ">Not a single soul knew about my idea because even I didn’t know this. [Not needed.]


I'm not going to go any further- I'll send you a message with the rest of my corrections. You have obviously not proof-read this. It's extremely hard to read. Go to topic19432.html
The lack of commas stops the flow of the story- go to this post: topic19162.html
and this post:
topic43660.html
I do like the story idea, but your grammar really affects your story communication.

Hey there Shubhi! Tis WD! So, this first chapter was a lot easier to read than your prologue--I quite like a lot of the detail you've put into this. There were moments where you put just the right details in there to make the setting glow and the characters thrive. I found that very impressive--great job! I think others here have touched on sentence structure and some grammar issues, so I won't repeat what has been said, but I'd just like to talk about some characterization things that I think you can improve up on in this.

First of all, I'd like to agree that some of your dialogue sounded very stiff. A few places where this especially stuck out to me:

“Ha! Stupid urchins! They believe they can touch me and I like it,” she referred to the little girl after turning around.

Amanda walked the red carpet with as much elegance as she always did, waving and passing flying kisses to her stupid fans. I was all the time behind her, chasing her like a dog. I hated doing this for it reminded me of my failure every day and night. I detested being her manager, the person who she could insult and curse anywhere, in front of anyone. This night was no different but there was one difference. It was going to be her last insult for me because she wasn’t going to survive to witness another sunrise

Thnak you a lot Ben.

Hey there Shubhi! I'm sorry if this is short, but I'll give you my feedback anyway.

I thought this was good, mostly because we're constantly being placed in the character's shoes but sometimes I do feel like I'm being thrown about in the narration a bit. The link from paragraph to paragraph can sometimes be a bit jumpy and I think to improve the fluency there needs to be more of a focus. I think you can get that if you sort of dwell more on a situation but try not to make it too much of a freezeframe either.

Like another reviewer mentioned, most nitpicks in terms of how sentences are structured, spelling and grammar accuracy occured nearer the start and i think this is because the ideas were just rushing through your head and you wrote without thinking all that much, this is fine, but perhaps a bit more of a revision of that will be good.

In terms of your dialogue, I found that in some places it was very good, but in other places it was a bit too wooden, especially some of the first person thoughts as well, which seemed a bit sketchy at times. However, this can easily be improved, you just need to be a bit more free with your writing, perhaps the idea of dwelling on a piece of the narrative for longer might allow a little more break of dialogue to make it all seem a bit more natural.

Overall I think both plot and character thrive here, just be sure to take in a few of my points and then I think this will be a real gem of a piece!

Hope this helps and keep up the good writing,
Ben

Thanks Napalmerski......This would help a lot..

Amanda smiled her counterfeited glee as usual - I understand where you're going, but I think it should either be 'smiled with her' or 'gave her counterfeit smile'

giving the girl a sweet little hug making sure the poor fellow felt more joyful. - this is the first time I've seen a girl being called a fellow. I thought only males are fellows.


More the girl(or any of her fans) was joyful because of her, more publicity it meant - I think two 'the' are missing here. Is that conscious stylistic decision? It's a bit weird like that:)

Everything she did from visiting old age home to playing with a girl was a publicity gimmick. - here the protagonist is beginning to sound like this is all a surprise to her. She is, after all, the manager. The manager organizes or co-organizes all this. Perhaps you should add that, to evade misunderstanding, something like 'I should know. I was her manager after all. I was the one to choose the old people's homes...'

After all, the producer had paid them a heavy amount for mingling a little bit with words - hihi, mingling with words means something like cutting out words and filling a bathtub with them and then jumping into them and mingling with them. And again, I think that not the producer, but the manager would pay them, and not a 'heavy amount', but a 'hefty sum'.

It was astonishing me that how could some people have the courage to act fake in real life. - this sentence is a bit too passive. How about modifying it like 'she kept astonishing me with her...' or 'after all that time, I was still astonished how she...'. Note, she is fixated on Amanda, so it's not 'some people', it's Amanda. And since we are all fake more or less in real life, perhaps you should build it up, like 'so fake', or 'so totally fake'.

Right, then follows a moment in which a rather naive conversation takes place, I'll skip over that.

I knew she was disgusted from my behaviour but however joined me inside - here, the 'from' should be 'by' or 'with', and 'inside' is not needed.

The most successful producers, directors, actors and actresses were assembled here to celebrate the success of ‘Harry Knows Dancing’ on the invitation of its producer, Tony Brennan. Nobody here cared for the success except for its cast and crew, but had merely come to enjoy the food at La Dakota. - ah, the cream of the industry is here. Not paupers. They are not here just to enjoy the food. Almost no one is. They are here to mingle, to gossip, the fading stars try to remind the rest that they still exist, the rising stars try to rub shoulders with important people.

The big hall comprised of some eminent personalities including Josh Burton who was my target. One film under his assistance and then no one could stop me from becoming next Hepburn. The director was standing in a corner talking to some very important person it seemed. - this is the perfect place for a description attack. Otherwise we are only left with the thoughts and emotions of the killer-to-be. Insert some details to make us relax, really imagine the scene and want more. Describe the big hall, one-or two personalities. Describe Josh Burton, and the man he is talking to. The whole scene will come to life. You don't have to be detailed. Just a word here, a sentence there, can be more then enough.
Note: the big hall is comprised of mortar and concrete. The crowd inside the hall is comprised of some eminent personalities...
Note 2: the film is not under his assistance, but under his direction

This was something Amanda had forced me to do so she could show everyone how generous she was - here the meaning is a bit vague. Perhaps you should be more precise and say 'forced me to behave.' And if you use the word 'force' then you are obliged to explain how exactly she 'forces' her. Or, you could say something about unspoken rules, implied stuff. But, in the end, they are an actress and a manager. A manager would never stand for this, unless she is being held by blackmail, or by sex with the actress or something.

OK, this is as far as I go. I now have to concentrate on other things. This is a good story, TV film thriller type, the characters and the conflict are promising. Wording is shaky here and there, descriptions should be added in the relevant scenes to make them come to life, and the bursts of naivete... I guess only age and experience will cure that:)
Good luck with writing.

Thnakj you. I will PM you with future editions.

Okay I've read the prologue which was solid beginning, leaving me wanting more. This chapter was a great foundation, supporting the prologue. The structure and descriptions were carefully planned out and it flowed excellently together. Now most of your mistakes have been cleared up and edited I'm sure so there weren't anything really grammatically or spelling errors to correct, except for these little screw ups:

Instead of writing 'a disaster', they just had to put 'a marvel' in its place. But somewhere in the bottom of my heart, I knew that there werewas going to be someone who would take the path of truth.

It was astonishing astonished me that how could some people could have the courage to act fake [b]even in real life. She was no good at'real'life, but if you ask me she was superb in real life in acting terms.She said it was a necessity if she wanted to remain in the glamour world. She was someone who was always noticed, even in the biggest of crowd#BF0000 ">s. I was not one of those people and that's maybe maybe that's the reason I was far behind in this rat race.

"Are you coming or will I have to watch your show alone?"

Thanks again L5na2.

Although I didn't like the fact that she killed Amanda, but now I don't know if I can really blame her. Amanda is a jerk. She definitely should have gotten a reality check while she was still alive. I feel kinda bad for Olivia,but she still needs some major help.

Hi and thanks WastedFantasy. I have already posted chapter-2.

Wow I loved chapter 1 just as much as I loved the prologue. In the prologue I kinda felt bad for Amanda, but after reading chapter one I feel as she deserved it. You are a great writer and I hope you will PM me when you post another chapter. Your book has been very addicting so far and I hope you continue to write and post.

Thanks! isha. Working on your story.

Once again, nothing to correct that hasn't been corrected... This was as good as the prologue!
Loved it!

Thanks. I will surely work on the errors.

Hello there. I must warn you, I am still very much under the torture of a virus taking over my body. So not even I know how my comments on your piece will go.

I finally killed Amanda Bailey. I finally did it. It was tough#FF0000 ">, but somehow I managed it. I had to; nothing in the life #FF0000 ">ever comes easily. It makes the otherwise confusing sentence easier to stomach. While I write this, I can also enjoy the pleasure of seeing her dead body stretched out in front of me. Silent#0040FF ">; that semicolon should just be a comma. unlike Amanda. You would be thinking#FF0000 ">, why I am writing this all here#FF0000 ">? Changed to a question mark. I want to describe everything live. Many of you, who would be reading this later, might find me a selfish and cruel friend. But let me clear up this before, I did this for the welfare of all Americans. Had I left her alive, she would have continued acting, which I need not tell how pathetic is, disturbing the common man. Yes, she was a bad actress, the worst among worse. She tortured me#FF0000 ">, which best friends don't do#FF0000 ">, and she stole my chance. I have had had enough of her.

The whistling of the wind brought me back from this flash back. It seemed like someone had pushed me into the memory lake but I had to come out of it or else I would be pushing myself in grave danger. Another minute at Amanda’s house could have proved lethal. I stood up from the Parisian sofa. I was in the upper section of the house right close to Amanda’s bedroom. Her body was in front of me, devoid of any motion or expression, soaked in blood. Her beautiful Victoria’s Secret mauve nightgown now looked crimson with blood. I cleaned the Korth revolver and kept #FF0000 ">put it in my handbag. Using "kept" is does not make much sense. I had bought this revolver a long time ago after coming to L.A because I was going to be alone here and this place is really not safe. But it was now that #FF0000 ">Today it had come to a good use.

“I told you that you are no good. I am more talented, powerful#FF0000 ">, and smart#FF0000 ">er than you,” I was talking to the dead Amanda. But there was no reply in protest of my comment because #FF0000 ">the dead can’t speak. The place was dark except for the light provided by #FF0000 ">the moon which made its way through the glass window, lighting up #FF0000 ">illuminating my face. You already had "light" in the sentence so using another variation of it as "lighting" almost sounded like you were repeating yourself, but my suggestion of "illuminating" will change that. The night looked beautiful and pleasant even more than it was as I had a beautiful reason to cheer me up. Dead Amanda. I jumped over her body and started climbing down the stairs while trying to make minimal noise. Tonight the spiral staircase seemed never-ending. I heard the clouds thunder and the rain started pouring. Well great, another boulder to my problem, I thought. One can’t drive properly during rainfall and the rains had always panicked me. I don’t know why but the rains seemed like a torture.

It was raining when I first met Amanda thirteen years ago in a small park in Texas #FF0000 ">park, our hometown. I would never forget that day and #FF0000 ">just as I won't this one too #FF0000 ">fade from memory.

I silently made a beeline towards the back door and got out through it. It seemed that all the trees and decoration pieces had become witnesses of my crime. I shuddered back as I saw a big tree thinking of it to be a police officer. I was scared very much to the bone, but that was nothing in front of my new found happiness.

Your original words were almost laughable when used in the situation you have described. It started out great but you quickly lost the atmosphere when you used "scared very much" that has got to be one of the most tedious uses of fear I have ever seen. But I know you are capable of writing better descriptions than that.

The wet mud made walking even more difficult and a torture to my sprained ankle. While fighting with Amanda I had received this sprain. I should have gone straightaway to a doctor but any risk wasn’t on my list now. My one mistake could end #FF0000 ">with me up behind the bars. No I couldn’t afford it. I will find some other treatment at home only, I thought to myself while walking down the path. My car was parked right there, close to Amanda’s backyard. The area at the backside of her house was under construction and no one lived there so my car was safe there and so was I.

I was there in my Toyota Prius smoking the last cigarette left in my pocket. As I blew in and out the air I began wondering about the future. Now that I had killed Amanda, my biggest hurdle, what was there I could do#0040FF ">. That period should be a question mark. Start looking for some decent roles? That was not my idea. I had waited for years to do something big and now I wasn’t going to start all this again. Now I couldn’t wait to get a big role. Not any role would do now. I should go to Josh and talk about the role. But if I talked about my role now he would become suspicious. I was Amanda’s best friend and I had to mourn so as to look sad for her demise. The series of these thoughts seemed never ending. I heard a horn, probably coming from behind and a moment later a light flashed in my eyes. Who is this person? I thought. I was in big-time trouble. I must rush, I reconciled myself.

The dialogue, in my opinion, was a little stiff. No matter how hard Amanda is trying to give a sweet impression to the public, not even the best fakers have the time to build up whole conversations with their fans on the red carpet. What would be more realistic is that she would just sign her book and give her a dazzling smile or something. Or just act really humble in contrast to the snappy behaviour afterwards.

Hey, Shubhi!

At first I was going to review the prologue, but I decided to do this one instead as I saw this had fewer reviews. That said, I haven't read the prologue. I could still follow the story without much confusion, but it's up to you to decide whether that's a good thing or not.

I liked it that this was placed into the world of actors, which has always more or less fascinated me. It's also good that you presented the other side as well and the aspect of being two-faced, because I'm sure that's often the case in real life too.

A technical difficulty is the use of the italics throughout the story. I don't know about other people, but italics tend to make my head ache a little. That's why I would suggest formatting your story so that you divide the flashbacks and the present with an asterisk between the paragraphs or something more convenient.

The dialogue, in my opinion, was a little stiff. No matter how hard Amanda is trying to give a sweet impression to the public, not even the best fakers have the time to build up whole conversations with their fans on the red carpet. What would be more realistic is that she would just sign her book and give her a dazzling smile or something. Or just act really humble in contrast to the snappy behaviour afterwards.

The chapter is relatively long -- you have a long flashback and a long ending section. Seeing as you already have a prologue in which (I suppose) a lot of the relationships are explained, is everything you have in this chapter necessary? I mean, we know that Amanda acts differently in public than she does in front of Olivia, and we know that Olivia is bitter and jealous and spiteful. And I think we would know this even if the chapter was half of what it is now. You have to make everything count, and if you take a lot of time to say something, make sure it's just not repetition of something that everyone knows already.

Another thing that made me confused -- in the beginning, she's clearly writing a diary entry or something like that. But after the flashback, the narration is different and it's quite obvious she's not writing anymore. Unless there's an explanation of this in the story, something that she mentions, I would think that you were just being absent-minded. You should show the reader you know what you're doing, and consistency is also good.

Well, I hope I could help! PM me with any questions.


Demeter
x

Hi Shubhi,

Ok, the nitpicks were pretty much pointed out. I wanted to mention one thing though. Amanda says that she lets the stupid urchins touch her. I was under the impression that she says it while on the red carpet. Is that so?

If yes, I can't believe that no one heard that, not one camera, not one person, unless she was whispering to Olivia. Was that the case?

I have not much to add to this, I'm still not getting to know either Olivia or Amanda. I don't know if AManda is truly evil or if it's only Olivia's way of portraying her.

And how come no one knows Olivia is an actress if she was first supposed to have the role in Midnight thief, the role that rose Amanda to stardom? Surely someone must know. Had she done auditions? Maybe people could pity Olivia for being only a manager when she wanted to be an actress or maybe they could love Amanda for giving her talent-less best friend a job so close to the actors or something, you know?

Anyway, I'm still as intrigued and I can't wait to see what you'll have next for us. Could you pm me for the next chapter?

Tanya

Hey Shubhi!
I'll just get straight down to business:
1) I would italicise Olivia's thoughts, if I were you, to make it clearer for the readers.
Maybe add a border to separate the italicised text that's a flashabck.
Also, there's no need to go overboard with the ...s at the end of the flashback

2) Gunshot:
Eh, kind of pointless to walk around the house with minimal noise when you've just fired a shot into a person who also screeched loudly when you stomped on her.
And then its kind of silly to be standing around admiring your work and thinking of the past & future actions when people are likely to have been alerted by the gunshot.
Olivia may be somewhat insane, but she has shown she can still think clear enough, so her actions can't be too dubious.

3) Ending:
Technically, between the sound of the horn and the flash of light, there should be enough time for Olivia to react and run, so you should probably indicate how she was surprised (which would bring us back to point #2 about the likelihood of attracting attention) and perhaps froze on the spot.
Also, most people would think "Who's there?", rather than assume "Who is this person?" Which indicates she already figured there's only one person. Which is unlikely.

4) Overall:
Like most pieces of writing, this can be improved, but I like that there is more imagery in this chapter as compared to the prologue

Have a good day!
~Meep(:

Thank you peanut19 for doing this review on my request. Thanks a ton. I have edited it.

25th June, 2009

11:00 PM

I finally killed Amanda Bailey. I finally did it.Okay, I don't really know why you had to repeat that. It was tough but somehow I managed it. I had to; nothing in the life comes easily. While I write this, I can also enjoy the pleasure of seeing her dead body stretched out in front of me. Silent;should be a comma unlike Amanda. You would might be thinkingeither this should be wondering or you should have a ? at the end why I am writing this all here. I want to describe everything live. Many of you, who would be reading this later, might find me a selfish and cruel friend. But let me clear this up before maybe add that happens, I did this for the welfare of all Americans. Had I left her alive, she would have continued acting, which I need not tell how pathetic is, disturbing the common man. Yes, she was a bad actress, the worst among worse. This is an odd reason to kill someone. Maybe say something about it affecting the narrator personally

Not a single soul knew about my idea because even I didn’t know this. Also this is a little odd. As I read the beginning I got the idea that your MC had been planning this a while. If she hasn't you should say that sooner instead of placing it here.





It was the premiere of her latest film, ‘Harry Knows Dancing’ Films should be underlined or italicized. Not in qoutes. and the crowd was uncontrollable. Amanda Bailey was starring opposite James Garner for the first time. The most successful stars when come together, lightning sparks. Okay, I think you're missing a word here.

Amanda walked the red carpet with as much elegance as she always did, waving and passing flying kisses to her stupid fans. I was all the time behind her, chasing her like a dog. I hated doing this for; it reminded me of my failure every day and night. I detested being her manager, the person who she could insult and curse anywhere, in front of anyone. This night was no different but there was one difference. It was going to be her last insult for me because she wasn’t going to survive to witness another sunrise.



“I am please to meet you, little angel,” she waved patted? her hand on the head of a little female fan of hers smiling like an angel herself. This could be worded differently. I think the part about her smiling could be left out or stated sooner.

“You are so kind, Miss.no period is needed here Bailey. Momma said you won’t wouldn't sign my autograph tonight. Look momma, you were wrong,!” The little girl jumped in excitement flying her little autograph book in air.

“Yes, dear; she just signed it.” The proud mother clapped for her little angel. Why in the world would she clap? It seems like an odd thing to do.

“I am glad that I could bring a smile onto someone’s face,” Amanda smiled her counterfeited glee as usual. She rolled the Parker you don't have to specify the brand just say pen, unless it's gonna have a special purpose later pen in her freshly manicured hands, giving the girl a sweet little hug making sure the poor fellow felt more joyful.I think the little girl is plenty joyful; just saying and I don't think fellow is the right word for a little girl The more the girl(or any of her fans) was were joyful because of her, more publicity it meant. I think the changes to that sentence are correct. It didn't really make sense reading through it. Everything she did from visiting old age home to playing with a girl was a publicity gimmick.

Amanda was studded with diamonds, a girl’s best friend according to some<-- that isn't needed. Her hands were possessingholding, it sounds odd to say her hands own something one of the most precious handbags ever made by Chanel, while her dress came from John Galliano’s own boutique in world’s fashion-city, Paris. The electric blue dress might have been a disaster but the media was going to report something else. After all, the producer had paid them a heavy amount for mingling a little bit with words. Instead of writing ‘disaster’ they just had to put ‘a marvel’ in its place. But somewhere in heartsbottom of my heart, I knew that there were was going to be some who would take the path of truth.

“Ha! Stupid urchins! They believe they can touch me and I like it,” she referred to the little girl after turning around. I turned my attention towards her. It was astonishing me that how could some people have the courage to act fake in real life. She was no good at ‘reel’ life but if someone asks you ask me, she was superb in real life in terms of acting. She was someone who was noticed even in the biggest crowd. I was not that someone and that’s maybe the reason I was far behind her in this rat race.

“But you just pecked the girl on cheeks. What was that?” I asked in surprise mixed with a teaspoon of disgust. When did she do that? I thought she just gave her a hug?And the last sentence would sound better as something like: I asked in surprise, disgusted at her sudden change.

She laughed hysterically, looking at the starry sky. “Are you an idiot? That’s publicity, my dear. Fame and money is not so easy to get.”

I sighed and started walking ahead, which definitely raised her anger thermometer.

“Are you coming or I will have to watch your show alone?” I asked her.

She made a face but joined me inside the hall. If she is behind her how does she know she made a face? Maybe she could make a noise or something



“Miss Bailey, you were fantastic. ! I think you are the next Audrey Hepburn,” Mr. Stephenson Cripps remarked as Amanda joined them for dinner at one of the best hotels in Los Angeles.

The most successful producers, directors, actors and actresses were assembled here to celebrate the success of ‘Harry Knows Dancing’ Again it should be italized or underlined on the invitation of its producer, Tony Brennan. Nobody here cared for the success except for its cast and crew, but had merely come to enjoy the food at La Dakota.

“Thank you Mr. Cripps for this that sweet comment. It is such an honor to be compared with legendary Hepburn. I feel obliged, I really do,” Amanda said to the director.

“I have some problem here. I think what Mr. Cripps said was half wrong. Amanda has already become today’s Audrey Hepburn,” Tony Brennan cheered her.

The big hall comprised of some eminent personalities, including Josh Burton who was my target. One film under his assistance then and no one could stop me from becoming the next Hepburn. The director was standing in a corner talking to some very important person it seemed. I hoped he is was talking to a producer; I thought and prayed at the same time.

I knew my life was going to change tonight I'm confused is this a flashback to a while ago or earlier that day?; I had some intuition for this change. I kept on thinking the whole time that the change was going to be a film offered to me but I was wrong. I was going to become a criminal tonight just because of that Amanda. Either scratch the that or make it like she is talking to Amanda.

“Come join us, Olivia,” Amanda said gesturing me to sit next to Luke Bryant, the famous actor.

“Me? Do you want me to join you all? Of course she want's her to join. Most people wouldn't repeat the question. It’s so sweet of you,” I said but nothing came from my heart. This was something Amanda had forced me to do so she could show everyone how generous she was. She never wanted me to join her in this high society because somewhere I was inferior to these artificial people, their fake and fancy life.

No one interested?