The summer sun was rising
Sparkling dew was not yet gone
When she skipped along to town
Bouncing curls of straw'bry blonde
The hillocks keep their secrets
The rivers bide their time
But I don't much care
For Raelen prayer
Cuz she is gonna be mine
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Her heart was born to Mya
Her soul was bound to Scone
Her fingers helped to build this place
More than sticks and stones
Her feet have trailblazed pathways
Her voice has called it home
But I don't much care
For Raelan Pairs
Cuz she's bound to be my own
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,021 Literary Works • 672,738 Reviews
Hey Messy! Really wanted to drop in and review this for you in honor of review month!
At first glace, I love the hour-glass figure of the poem. It really gives the poem an interesting visual dynamic that intrigues the reader! What also is intriguing is the title: Lass of Scone. Let's get into the actual poem now!
Wow! I really did enjoy this poem. As I was reading it, the tempo and the rhythm of the poem work together to create a really fun poem as the reader is transported into this story. It's clear you're a fantasy writer, as the language really brings the reader into this world! But more so than that, we are introduce to two characters: the narrator and the muse. I really love how you give a picture of the muse without spilling out all these descriptive sentences that can sometimes get muddy or lost. The use of "straw'bry blonde" really kept the tone and the tempo going, and it's those creative decisions that really make a poem! Furthermore, we read more about "her" and learn more about this character, and by the description, the reader can understand why the narrator is drawn to her. So well done!
I know you wanted me to review this work for critiques or suggestions of edits, but frankly, I don't have any! I think the poem is very strong on it's own. Perhaps the only edit I would make is to get rid of the "~ ~ ~ ~ ~" in the center as it doesn't serve a purpose of change and you can just keep a space there for the different verses, but even that is a stylistic choice! I love the language of this poem as well as the energy and tone. All of it came together to create a very clear piece of work that only makes the reader (aka me) want to read the story it's based on!
Thanks for posting this and I definitely need to read more of your work! God bless.
Hey there!! I'm here to give you a short and sweet review on this short and sweet song.
First of all, I'm really impressed with the way you've crafted a tone and stayed with it in this piece! It feels like a product of an olden time, like a folk song passed through the ages. That's so cool to me, and it's easily my favorite part about the entire work.
I also love the simple imagery you have going on here. It's never overdone, just enough to paint a beautiful picture. In a way, it feels like snippets of an old movie playing as you're reading (and in my case, humming along a tune that fits the rhythm). I can imagine curls bouncing to the beat of this lovely folk song, perhaps near a fire.
My one critique--and it's not even really a critique, just a curiosity--I don't get what "Raelen"/"Raelan" means here. I did look it up, and it doesn't really come up with any results. So out of curiosity, what does it mean? Is it a reference to an actual prayer or perhaps an old work of yours? Eagerly awaiting your answer, considering I've read this quite a few times and wondered the same thing.
Overall, I definitely enjoyed this!! It's such a fun, lighthearted folk song that seems pretty accurate to its intended time.
Keep writing!
<3, daisy (formerly theromanticchemist)
Hi daisy, cute new name. Rael is a country in my Williwaw Series
Ahhh, that makes a lot of sense. Thank you!
Hello, My Friend!
Hi Messenger! Just Raven dropping in with a review!
Ooo, I loved this poem! It feels like I'm reading something plucked right from a book of American classics. The imagery—especially in the beginning, with its lines about skipping through hills and rivers—felt very beautiful and natural. Also, with the focus on this woman (Raelan I assume?) and her history in the town, the poem came off as a sort of ode from a lovestruck admirer, and I found that sweet! But of course, that's just my interpretation of it.
As for a more technical review, I don't really have any recommendations to make! I mean I didn't see any typos or the like, and the metric feels so upbeat and hopeful, it was very fun to follow. I thoroughly enjoyed that!
As for favorite parts, ooo, that's tricky...I would say:
I love the old-world elements you put into the language! It fit the theme so well, and added so much charm to the poem overall!
I really like this line; not just for the significance it placed on the girl's character, but even just the way it's phrased. It's kind of like...how "sticks and stones" are like the bones of this town, but this girl is the soul.
Well, hopefully you were able to enjoy my rambling here, and maybe find it helpful to some degree. Overall, I thought that was an amazing poem! Nicely done!
"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."