par for the course
the "morbidly obese" man
raises a club and takes another swig
of hydroxychloroquine
while lounging in the hot Virginia sun.
he's dressed in his finest, whitest
golf attire to honor the valiant sacrifices
of those who have fallen victim
to a pandemic
while he sat mask-less
in his oval office.
as the club hits the
white golf ball,
the only number he wants
to keep low is his score.
he'll only care about
the oh-so-fake news calling it
a controversy
when a reporter questions
his moral integrity
at his next press conference.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
I liked this, but I never reviewed it, apparently! Well, here I am, months later, happy that I can tell you that it's all over XDD
First off, we must remember that he also golfed in Florida. As he often said, "I love this state and I love the people of this state" before rambling on about how it was his home state. *sigh* Thank the good Lord he's not here to lie about what state he lives in anymore XD
Next, I love how accurate and precise this poem is! It really fits his demeanor and truly is-- *ahem*-- par for the course. I especially love the lines--
Have a nice [*inset time of day here*], and I'm hoping there might be some Biden/Kamala poetry coming in soon!!! c:
This is grade A stuff
Hello Mage!
The sarcasm is dropping off atomic bombs in this poem. We can take a rain check on an appointment with Einstein if we have you. This poem is at a different level of savage. Kudos to you for channeling your frustrations in poetry. It's hard for me to do those because my work would appear crude. Anyway, this might be my favorite poem in all of your works. Very well thought-out.
Unlike yellow, my only problem was the phrase
It was out of the setting of your entire poem. He's clad in golf attire while lounging mask-less in his oval office? It would be nice if you separate this line from its current stanza because that stanza berates how impudent he is to wear such comfortable clothes during the time of this crisis. Meanwhile the quote above focuses on his apathy due to the fact that he is unaffected by the issue. I suggest that you should reserve a brand new stanza for it and add a metaphor to describe his oval office in golf jargons and another pandemic issue.
Anyway, that's all I can say. I really liked this poem
My favorite stanza would be
The influx of cases in America is massive. It's so unbelievable and appalling. I pray that you stay safe!
Keep on writing!
Best regards,
Kattee x
Why did I never reply this?Thank you so much for your review! Your point about him being in his Oval Office made me sit back for a minute when I originally read your review - and when I reread it months later - and wonder why I had switched the setting when it made way more sense to keep it in one place.
Thank you again for the review! <3
i thought there was some mistake when i saw a notif for thisAnytime! Glad that my review helped <3
Wow! I must say I found it hilarious and such truth-revealing work. Great job. It is so true that unless people themselves are not affected by something, they really don't care. And in fact , all the hardships the others suffer, seem quite small and at times, fake to them. This is a realistic piece of work. Keep it up and best of luck for future!
Best wishes
Mahira
Thank you for your review! Your insight was spot-on.
Great work! I like how strong the conviction in your writing is. My only problem here is that I would’ve liked to see these convictions fleshed out even more. You chose a topic that provides a lot of great writing material, so why not explore it some more? Overall, great job!
Thanks!
hello, it's yellow!
mage, oh my goodness, i love this. while it's beautifully written, it's also socially poignant and relevant to what's going on.
excuse me while i add in a few golf puns, butyou really tee'd off and got a hole-in-one! and while it may seem weird to do this to a poem with this great of a game, i'd give you a low score.i thoroughly love the oxymorons and irony smattered throughout this, when you talk about how he was dressed on the golf course, but "mask-less in the oval office." it really reminds me a lot of a slam poem and you did a fantastic job with this.
what i would really like to see, which is totally up to you, is if you explored these ideas even further. you could discuss how you he fired the pandemic response team, or how you see photos of him and more than ten other people in a room. i think that these small instances are so hard hitting and could definitely pack a hard punch in this poem.
another thing i would like to see is potentially a different conclusion. there's a part of me that feels like this poem is unfinished. i think you could somehow tie your final stanza back into your golf analogy that you began with because then, you would circle the entire course.
sorry about that pun, it'll be my last.like i said before, i love this and i think you did a great job with it! i think that adding on just a little bit would be great, because I really enjoy the use of irony and the analogy as a whole. i saw no other problems, but i do think it just needs a little more to really put it even more on-par.
okay, i lied.look forward to reading more poetry from you!-yellow
Thank you for your review - and your golf puns.
I'll definitely add a little more at the end. Your golf puns are actually really helpful for that. I still don't have a specific ending in mind, but I'll probably use one of the puns you came up with. I know close to nothing about golf, so they were pretty helpful.
(I actually had to look up an article on the scoring system to make sure I understood it enough to make that comment about him wanting to keep it low.)
Thanks again for your review! I'll tag you if I write any more poetry like this.
I love this piece first of all. Just some pointers: if hes lounging in the sun, wouldn't he be outside? Also if he's playing golf, how is he lounging? Although, maybe that's just me since I don't golf lol. Another thing, if you end each section with a period, then I suggest capitalizing the first letter in the next section, if that makes sense. Overall though, this poem was really intriguing but the ending might need a bit work. Maybe tying it back it in with playing golf or maybe even switching the last two sections with one another. Like I said though, it's really intriguing and makes me think what's going on his mind. This piece also makes me wonder some of your other thoughts on what else is going on and what else has gone on, especially with him?
Thank you for your review! It was really helpful seeing what you thought about it - and this line in particular makes me want to write more political poetry:
I feel like I could write a whole series of poetry about Trump in an attempt to figure out what exactly he's thinking - sometimes I can't believe the things I hear about him.
Thank you again for your review! When I edit this, I'll let you know so you can see how your review helped.