Young Writers Society

Hi there Mage!

I'll admit I was hesitant to review this, because this is clearly a very personal piece and I know how words of feedback may be communicated harshly or received the wrong way and then do more harm than good. However, I decided to tentatively share my suggestions with you and allow you to do with them as you wish.

First, there's a lot of beauty and an almost magical feeling to this poem. I love the way it communicates a really tentative first love, a first love that you're not sure will work but you can't deny the feelings any longer so you just have to do something with them. It was a relatable feeling that you expressed very well. I also loved the progression of the plot -- you were able to tell a story, emotional climax and all, in very few words, which I respect a ton.

However, I wonder if this could be better told in a different format. If there were no tags or labels on this poem and the lines hadn't been separated this way, it wouldn't look like traditional poetry. It'd be incredibly hypocritical for me to gatekeep what you can and cannot label as poetry, so please don't think that's my intention; I am just questioning whether this concept can be better expressed as prose.

Honestly, I think this is kind of on the cusp of prose and poetry. Poetry is difficult, if not impossible, to define, but there are some characteristic traits that this poem is missing. There's no rhyme, no traditional syllabication line length, and few instances of metaphor, simile, analogy, personification, etc. I think these emotions would be better and more powerfully expressed if you changed mediums from poetry to prose and spell out this story through figurative-language-packed prose.

Otherwise, the sentiment and some of these lines were beautifully written and a powerful expression of love! I hope that these suggestions were helpful and gave you ideas for potential overhauls, if that's an idea you're interested in pursuing. As always, I'd be happy to answer any questions you may have about this. Happy writing!

Best,
Tuck

Bravo!

Hey there, Magebird! It's Vilnius with a review.

First off, this is an interesting way to describe your non-heterosexual-ness (made up word, I know).

Second off, I really liked this poem! It told the story in a really neat way, and there's a lot of emotion I personally felt bottled up in this.

Occasionally, poems give me a hankering to write a full-fledged story. If you ever want to co-write something or expand on this poem, hit me up, will ya?

Have a nice [*insert time of day here*]!