Young Writers Society

Hey Mage! I really enjoyed reading your piece and thought I'd write a quick review

You mentioned the title and also how easy to understand the narrative is, so I'll go over those first. I really like the title, and how it puts an emphasis on "the failing", by making it into a noun. I also feel like the mood that the title conveys fits well with the poem. However, to me it brings to mind something that's wrong with human anatomy, whereas I think the poem is talking more about how clothing makes women think there's something wrong with their body even if there isn't. If you could alter the title slightly to reflect how clothing creates the illusion of "failing anatomy", I personally think it would reflect the content a bit better. But that's just my opinion, so feel free to disregard it if you feel differently!

As a whole, I found the narrative pretty understandable. There were just two parts that I found a bit confusing at first - I did figure it out after reading through the poem a couple more times, though, so if you want the poem to take a few reads to digest, then you can definitely leave as is.

The first place I found a little hard to understand was, well, the opening stanza.

elastic bands tucked
underneath my armpits
pull tight and taut against
my untanned skin.

At first I imagined the elastic bands to be literal elastic bands, rolled way up onto the narrator's arm so that if her arms hang by her side, the elastic bands would be under her armpits. This didn't really make sense so I figured I was reading it wrong, and when I reached the second stanza I realized what you actually meant. It does make sense once I figured out what the poem was about, but just jumping straight in from the beginning I personally found that imagery to be a bit confusing. That could just be me though, and if so feel free to ignore this comment

The other part I found a bit confusing was when you split off into a sort of separate thought, enclosed within the double dashes. I got that they act sort of as parenthesis, and that if you skip those two stanzas you can keep reading smoothly from the third stanza right into the final stanza - the formatting/structure makes sense, and I think it's a really neat way to add a bit of a tangent. So formatting wise, I wouldn't change a thing.

know the sensation of a swimsuit
tugging at the back of their
spinal column and ribs--

--too weak to shatter
fragile bones into shards
of calcium and bone marrow,
but strong enough
to make my peer question
if there's something
wrong with their body?

But this part confused me a little, content-wise. I had to read it a few more times before I realized that the swimsuit was "too weak to shatter // fragile bones into shards...", and you weren't still talking about the ribs. Again, this could very well be a stupid mistake on my part, but adding some extra clarification never hurts.

As a whole, I think the subject of the poem is easy to pick up on, and I really like how you approached it. You write about it very literally, but still incorporate some really interesting imagery - my favourite stanza is definitely the fourth, because it puts a fresh spin on broken bone imagery, and also leads really well into the idea of clothing making girls/women question or dislike their bodies.

I just have one more very minor critique I want to mention in my review, which is completely stylistic. Since you've chosen not to capitalize sentences, or "i", I personally think it'd make sense not to capitalize "Instagram" and "Amazon", as well. But again, totally stylistic and up to you as the poet.

I definitely agree that this sort of thing needs to be talked about more openly. I think that a lot of guys have no idea just how uncomfortable some women's clothing is. And also, it's ridiculously hard to get a good fitting bra, which is an item of clothing that for a lot of women is necessary for physical health and comfort, not just style.

That's it for my review! I really enjoyed reading this poem, and I hope this review is helpful!

Keep writing

whatchamacallit