Heyo mage. Yoshi here for a review!
This is quite an interesting poem. The first stanza had a few things that popped out to me."Summer soil" and "Sun-baked earth" were really nice descriptions. Both of them referred to the summer, and gave a sense of a long-term kind of thing, like how this could continue all the way to (Halloween? Past august? WHO KNOWS).
Also, I assume this has something to do with your garden? I believe you mentioned having a garden at some point here somewhere. (Funny, our pumpkin plants last year didn't grow any pumpkins)
The second stanza is a lot more active. You immerse the reader with the bats and the fireflies. I especially like the first two lines: "I count the tiny green orbs / and bright orange flowers". From here, (In contrast to sun-baked earth and summer soil) there's a sense of time passing, which I find is really nice.
I do have one question, though. This is a really sweet poem, but did you really have to include:
with their dying breaths
o.o i think this kind of breaks the flow of the poem. It's a good description, but kind of contrasts with the way the rest of the poem is written (especially the final mini-stanza).
Speaking of the final stanza, I love it! It actually reminds me of the time when our family set up the Christmas tree long before Christmas, and we kept it for an entire year lol.
Anyways, hope you were satisfied with the review!
Best of luck,
-yosh
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Reviews: 129
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