the pumpkins i planted on the first of june
have enveloped half of the yard.
their roots dig deep
into the summer soil
and stretch into the very depths
of the sun-baked earth.
i count the tiny green orbs
and bright orange flowers.
i pray to the bats
that flit across the twilight sky,
and hope the fireflies bless
the blossoming pumpkins
with their dying breaths.
a week before august,
i dream of halloween magic.
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139,347 Literary Works • 672,539 Reviews
Heyo mage. Yoshi here for a review!
This is quite an interesting poem. The first stanza had a few things that popped out to me."Summer soil" and "Sun-baked earth" were really nice descriptions. Both of them referred to the summer, and gave a sense of a long-term kind of thing, like how this could continue all the way to (Halloween? Past august? WHO KNOWS).
Also, I assume this has something to do with your garden? I believe you mentioned having a garden at some point here somewhere. (Funny, our pumpkin plants last year didn't grow any pumpkins)
The second stanza is a lot more active. You immerse the reader with the bats and the fireflies. I especially like the first two lines: "I count the tiny green orbs / and bright orange flowers". From here, (In contrast to sun-baked earth and summer soil) there's a sense of time passing, which I find is really nice.
I do have one question, though. This is a really sweet poem, but did you really have to include:
o.o i think this kind of breaks the flow of the poem. It's a good description, but kind of contrasts with the way the rest of the poem is written (especially the final mini-stanza).
Speaking of the final stanza, I love it! It actually reminds me of the time when our family set up the Christmas tree long before Christmas, and we kept it for an entire year lol.
Anyways, hope you were satisfied with the review!
Best of luck,
-yosh
Hi @Magebird I'm here to do a very short review on your hole poem so let's get right into it shell we.
Okay first of I love the flow of this poem it is very beautiful and every line goes very well with each other. In some way it gave me the feels, my thoughts started imagining images of everything. So cool when you think about it and put it all together.
Okay now june and halloween are both in bold because of one reason.
halloween/Halloween see its just the simple capital that should be put at the end of something like this that normally has a capital.
june/June same with June so its just a tinny thing that can easily be fixed, and it's just something to think about when writing. It's the same with names like Magebird that has a capital at the beginning of it, so June and Halloween are names.
So that is all I can say, if I was being to harsh I'm so sorry, please forgive me for it, because that was not my intentions. <33 It was wonderful to read this magnificent peace, I hope to read more of your writings in the future.
I hope you have a great day/night witch ever side of the world your on.
@Dossereana Flying Over The Green Room And Spreading Shards Of Encouragement
Thanks for participating in this challenge Magebird! You do a great job "setting the scene" for the pumpkin patch and then linking it to the expectant hope for Halloween. Also the idea of fireflies blessing pumpkins is both a bit spooky and cute!
Keep on poeting poet! :]
BEEP BOP BOOP
_PoetryBot
This is such a sweet poem. I love the imagery and the vibes. Really nice job!
Thank you!