Author's Note: If you're reading these chapters as they come out, you might be a little confused by why I posted the third part of chapter three a day after the first two parts. You might also be wondering why I had the little conversation with Dirix and Issac instead of just continuing the scene with Quinn.
This actually was supposed to be a part of chapter four (which is why there was a scene break) but it didn't really fit with the conversation that Issac and Quinn had without warning when I was writing the original chapter four. I decided that this worked better with the events of chapter three than it did with the events of chapter four, so here it is!
Last Line(s): “The information is all digital these days,” Dirix hurriedly said. “I'll email the files to you as soon as I can get up to my office. And as for what Adam was...”
He glanced up at Azazel.
“He was a demon,” he finally admitted. “But not
from here or down there. I don't want to get on Azazel's bad
side, but I doubt anything worthwhile is going to come out of him looking
into Adam's disappearance. I don't think anyone really cares that
he's gone.”
xXx
Quinn waited until Issac and Nolan were in the middle of a conversation before she ventured past the front gate. She wasn't really sure what she was supposed to be looking for. There had to be someone that stood out from the others. Detective shows and books always made it so easy. They'd either bump into someone by accident or notice a crucial detail that gave a stranger's connection to the case away.
But everyone was keeping their distance, and Quinn didn't have the slightest idea of what would be considered suspicious. Maybe she should have gone with Issac. What were the chances that Nolan would actually recognize her? He hadn't done any acting for years. Even if he had, she doubted he expected to see Lizzie Holt's missing daughter at his haunted house.
She let out a sigh, closed her eyes, and thought for a moment.
When she felt like she had finally pushed away the doubt and confusion, she turned her attention back to the employees. Her gaze immediately fell on a man leaning up against one of the gravestones. He was dressed like some kind of zombie, with scabbing, infected wounds. She could even see a bone peeking out from one of his arms. The longer she looked at him, the more she felt a pull to him that she couldn't quite explain. There was something about the combination of his makeup and the way he was casually watching Nolan and Issac talk that just felt wrong.
She took a deep breath.
It wasn't until she was just a few feet away from him that he finally turned to look at her, but she had the sneaking suspicion that he had noticed her much earlier than that. Now that she could actually see his face, she was hit by a sense of recognition: he was the man she had studied on the bus ride into town. His suitcase and headphones were unsurprisingly nowhere to be found, but everything else was the same. He had the same tall and vaguely muscular frame, same messy blond hair thrown into a tiny ponytail, and same startlingly blue eyes.
Quinn wasn't sure she had ever seen eyes that were so bright.
Or, she thought as she looked up at him, eyes that were so cold.
“Hi,” Quinn awkwardly said.
The man looked her over. His gaze lingered on her pockets and on her hood. The way he slowly surveyed her was eerily reminiscent of the way Issac interacted with people he didn't know – like he saw a potential threat and was trying to see if it his guess was right. Seemingly satisfied with what he saw, the man stared down at her with his unnerving blue eyes.
“Hello,” he said. “If you're here for the attractions, you're a little early.”
“I'm, uh, not,” she said.
He raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. “Then what are you here for?"
“I wanted to ask about the disappearances,” she said. “I saw that Adam worked-”
“The police have already done their investigating,” the man said, his tone cold. He narrowed his eyes into what was almost a glare. “And I think you're a little young to be playing detective, anyways, kid.”
She opened her mouth to protest. He was barely older than she was! She knew she looked a little young for her age, but he had to be in his mid-twenties at most. But then something clicked, and Quinn realized that she had found the clue that she was looking for. Her posture loosened; she adopted a much more casual tone. Acting was something that ran in her blood – and she knew how to play clueless.
“I guess I am,” she admitted, “but it's just so...sad.”
She fell silent for a minute, her gaze dropping down to the man's chest.
“Wow,” she said, “that make-up looks really realistic. The make-up crew here must be incredible. It looks like your skin is actually decaying! And if I didn't know any better, I'd think that the bone I can see in your arm was the actual bone.”
The man pushed himself off of the gravestone.
The beginnings of a smile were dancing on his lips now. He straightened and checked his arm; the smile grew even more. “I actually did it myself,” he proudly said. Quinn checked off another little box in her head. “Nolan allows us to do our make-up if we're good enough at it – and he's always impressed with mine.”
Quinn gave an excited nod.
“I wish I could do make-up that good,” she said. “I've tried doing it for Halloween before, but it never turns out right.”
She paused.
“...Do you have any advice?” she asked. She glanced over in Issac's direction; he was still talking with Nolan. She probably didn't have much longer until he came over. Quinn had a sneaking suspicion that the man would close up again once Issac joined her.
The man faltered.
“Er,” he said. “YouTube. Lots of YouTube.”
“And practice?” Quinn guessed. “You must have been here for awhile.”
The warmth faded from the man's eyes.
Maybe Quinn's acting hadn't been as good as she thought it was.
“Not that long,” he slowly said. “Maybe a little more than a month – Nolan likes to start running this place as soon as the weather starts to cool in September. But I've done jobs...similar to this one before. It runs in the family, I think. There's just something so entertaining about watching people's terror.”
Quinn stared.
The man's lips pulled up into a chilling smile. She wondered if he could hear how fast her heart was pounding right now, or if he could somehow smell the sweat forming in the palms of her hands.
She took a step back. She bumped into something small – and hard. And even though she knew the man was still right in front of her, she couldn't help but give a startled glance behind her. She only felt a temporary sense of relief at the realization that it was just a gravestone. Seeing the smirk on the man's face when she looked back at him made all of her short-lived comfort go away.
She turned.
Issac wasn't talking to Nolan anymore. She was sure she must have been as pale as one of the cardboard ghosts they had up next to the front door. She didn't know where Issac was right now.
“Well,” the man said, his tone nonchalant, “it looks like your friend has finished interrogating Nolan, kid. And, seeing that I actually have a job I need to get back to, I think this is where we go our separate ways. So why don't you go run along back to him, and maybe, just maybe, keep your nose out of things you don't understand?”
Quinn watched as he popped off of the gravestone and started to walk away. He raised a badly decaying hand in what might have been a goodbye.
When Issac put his hand on her shoulder a minute later, Quinn was so startled that she almost jumped in surprise.
“Are you alright?” Issac asked, tilting his head to the side. He had a concerned expression on his face – brows drawn together – but he seemed to be looking at something behind Quinn. She spun around expecting to see the man standing there, but he was talking to the woman that had been with Nolan earlier.
She looked back at Issac.
“I...I just got startled,” she lied.
Issac crossed his arms.
“I'm fine,” she reassured him. She knew there was nothing that she could say that would fully convince him, so she gave him a smile that barely reached her eyes. “I think I found someone suspicious.”
Issac gave a little nod, gesturing for her to continue.
Quinn glanced back in the man's direction. Even though she wasn't looking at Issac, she knew he was following her gaze. The man was still talking to the woman; he was seemingly oblivious of their stares. “He called me a kid.”
“You are young,” Issac countered.
She shook her head. “I'm almost his age. You look younger than you actually are, so maybe he's in a similar boat.” Watching the man and woman talk made her feel like she was staring at a completely different person. His shoulders didn't slump as much, and he was much more animated as he talked. It even looked like the woman was laughing from the way that her body was shaking. Quinn wondered how someone could switch how they presented themselves to the world so quickly. How could he hide how cold he really was?
“Did you notice anything else?” Issac asked.
Quinn nodded. The woman was laughing even harder now, and one of the nearby employees had joined in on the conversation. “I don't think he was wearing makeup. His wounds were too realistic. And when I asked him about it, he said he did it himself – but struggled to come up with makeup advice for me.”
She turned back to Issac. His arms were still crossed, but it was no longer because he didn't believe her. The hand underneath his chin gave that away.
“He must be a shapeshifter,” Issac said. “If not that, he would only be able to pull something off like what you described if he was proficient in illusion magic. Did you catch his name?”
She shook her head.
“He also told me not to look into the disappearances,” she added. She fiddled with the strings of her hoodie. One was dangling farther down than the other, and she wanted them to be the same length. “He must know something about it.”
Issac's arms fell back to his sides. “It was a good thing, then, that I asked Nolan for all of his files on his employees. If we're lucky, the file will have that man's photo and his name.” The comment took a moment to register. She blinked, stared at Issac as he pulled out his phone, and didn't move as Issac said, “An Uber should be here in a few minutes to take us back to the lodge-”
“Isn't that illegal?”
Issac gave her a blank stare. “The Uber?”
“The employee files,” she said. “Can he even do that?”
Issac mulled it over for a moment.
“Legally, no,” he admitted, “but contracts outweigh legal liability.”
That brought up even more questions, but Issac had already begun to walk towards the gate. Quinn let herself take one last look at the unnamed man lingering in the graveyard behind her. For the briefest of moments, their eyes met – forest green staring at little blips of bright blue. But then he turned his focus to the other employees, and Quinn went rushing after Issac.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Hello,
Another review coming your way!
Calling out the classic cliches, I see.
Her intuition is spot-on.
Hmm, supernatural being perhaps?
That's a little odd to bring up the disappearances right away when she just met him. I think it's better if you naturally ease into it, bring his guard down.
You can start with this instead. Get him excited and proud to showcase his talent, so he loosens up around her. And then have Quinn ask him about the disappearances by saying how sad it is those people disappeared.
That's unnerving.
That definitely sounds suspicious.
The last paragraph was so chilling!
Great chapter, per usual!
Thank you for your review!
As someone who binged every Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew book I could get my hands on, I couldn't help myself.
Quinn's definitely got a little detective streak!
Thanks for the suggestion! Part of that scene was my own inexperience with writing mystery novels, but I also some of it is Quinn not really knowing what she's doing. Would it work better if she acknowledges her inexperience before she speaks to him?
Thanks for the suggestion!
He excels at that.
Thanks! I'm glad you liked this chapter as much as you did - it's honestly one of my favorites that I've written so far.
Thank you for your review!
As someone who binged every Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew book I could get my hands on, I couldn't help myself.
Quinn's definitely got a little detective streak!
Thanks for the suggestion! Part of that scene was my own inexperience with writing mystery novels, but I also some of it is Quinn not really knowing what she's doing. Would it work better if she acknowledges her inexperience before she speaks to him?
Thanks for the suggestion!
He excels at that.
Thanks! I'm glad you liked this chapter as much as you did - it's honestly one of my favorites that I've written so far.
Ok, I'm back! Slowly but steadily making my way through these
Haha this is so apt. I'm also totally guilty of dropping things like that in my writing so it's great that she's called it out here!
Maybe you could say something along the lines of 'now she had a clearer mind...' because this seems like something she would have noticed earlier?
personal preference here, but I would swap awkwardly and said. I just think it flows better.
Completely understandable. Maybe she could have said he was a friend of hers? Like a random girl starts asking you questions you would definitely be cagey!
[quote[ “Wow,” she said, “that make-up looks really realistic. The make-up crew here must be incredible. It looks like your skin is actually decaying! And if I didn't know any better, I'd think that the bone I can see in your arm was the actual bone.”
The man pushed himself off of the gravestone.
The beginnings of a smile were dancing on his lips now. He straightened and checked his arm; the smile grew even more. “I actually did it myself,” he proudly said. Quinn checked off another little box in her head. “Nolan allows us to do our make-up if we're good enough at it – and he's always impressed with mine.” [/quote]
Clever girl Quinn! Flattery will get you everywhere.
well that's... dark...
lol, it definitely wasn't.
nice.
a great job as usual! I'm hoping zombie man comes back and Quinn's suspicions are right! I feel like he definitely has a bigger part to play in all of this.
Anyway, that's all for my review <3
Icy
Thank you for your review!
I feel like the entire book is just going to be Quinn referencing the mystery genre.
Like her creator.Thanks for the suggestion! I'll clarify that in the second draft.
It really will!
Especially with this guy.He's a very dark guy.
Oooh that's a good idea! I need to decide if that's something Quinn would have actually done, but I made add that in Draft #2 . >>
Not pictured in the chapter is him just giving her a very rude gesture with the decaying hand.Hey hi hello!

Back to review
Lol yeah no that’s not how it works xD
ew ew ew
Ok well what are you waiting for GO
^ me when I have to start a conversation
What does Quinn look like? A criminal? You’re the one who looks like one so stahp (and, dude, staring is rude so stop staring okay it’s not nice.)
Also *if his
Yeah I’ve decided I don’t like him. I bet he knows about the supernatural stuff or he is supernatural or MAYBE he’s a Hunter and kidnapped Adam or like idk killed him or something - hopefully not because Quinn can’t just save a dead demon can she?
The fact that he called her kid, I bet he’s one or two years older than she is ;-;
EXACTLY
I dunno why but I just really really love this bit ^
Lol she’s acting so clueless xD And then she goes silent, adding to her supposed cluelessness - acting really does run in the blood, huh?
Oh my actual goodness -
You don’t seem like the type but sure okay
What are you doing Quinn >:[ Checking of boxes in your head salkhdsjhf you should be interrogating him right now. She’s doing something with her acting isn’t she? She’s going to trick him into saying something about Adam’s disappearance right?
All the interest in makeup for nothing ;-; Or maybe she does have interest in it - no clue.
...are you ok...?
Where did Issac go??? O.O
How rude >:|
Ahh look who finally decided to arrive! Issac!
Who calls someone only two or three years younger than them a kid? -.-
Just ‘cause you’re not the best actor doesn’t mean others can’t be >.>
He’s trying to kill her by making her laugh as hard as possible ;-;
mood
You know what she’s talking about shush.
Annnd there goes Quinn, running after Issac.
I liked the conversation between Mr. Suspect and Quinn, but Mr. Suspect acted like quiet the creep. He blocked out most of Quinn's questions. I read MissGangamash's review and it got me thinking. Maybe Mr. Suspect knows who Quinn is and maybe overheard Quinn talking to Issac about the disappearances and wanted to keep away from her because he had a feeling she might question him. But how would he have known she was coming to the mansion? And how would she have noticed him with all the differences in his physical appearance? No ideaaaa but I really wanna knowwwww!!
Anyways, the little exchange between Quinn and Issac was pretty amusing as well, lol, I enjoyed that as well.
I think that's it for my review! Hope it helped in some sorta way. Lemme know if you have any questions!
Keep on writing & Happy RevMo!
~Liberty
Thank you for your review!
you: finds him gross
the man: uwu
Quinn is secretly based on my personality, and I feel like it becomes more and more obvious with every new chapter. >>Yup.
You're right!
the man, shrugging: meh
The bestest of the boys.
RIP Quinn from that sick burn. >>The most nefarious of plans.
He was actually totally clueless.That's a really good theory! I won't confirm or deny it, but I'm glad he creeped you out.
Back again!
Again, this chapter feels stronger.
For the most part, I think the conversation between Quinn and the zombie guy was well done. I thought it was a little odd that when she asked about the disappearances, he didn't ask who she was/ why she cared, it would have been my first question.
I also feel like her reasons for him being suspicious were a bit flimsy, especially after you've said that she's an optimistic character (which I also don't think fits with her runaway nature). I get that his make-up looking like it could be real is something to look into, but saying that its weird because he didn't give her make-up tips? When someone passing asks me for writing tips, I don't go into great detail, I'd probably say something simple like 'read a lot and practice'.
Other than those things, I enjoyed the interaction - especially the way you described how he seemed to enjoy scaring her.
Thank you for the review!
You're actually onto part of the mystery right there, so nice job catching that!Would it work better if I make him more flustered about the makeup tips? Alternatively, would it work better if I had more about how eager he was to terrify her?
Yeah, I think there needs to be more of a reason for Quinn to be like, 'huh, that was an odd reaction', because to me, nothing really felt particularly odd? He just seemed genuinely proud of his craft. Also, with the wound, maybe play up a bit more about them seeming real. If his skin is actually rotting, maybe there's a few flies buzzing around and he has a strange smell? Maybe one of his wounds could split and leak blood.
Oooh, that's a great idea! Thanks for the suggestion.
Hello and greetings, I'm starting reading this here(I will go back and read the rest because this was really good) so I won't be able to add much to the plot, but there are still a few things I noticed.
First of all, this was a really well-written story. I especially loved your descriptions of the supernatural man, he sounds so creepy and predatory in a good way.
#1: '[...]trying to see if it his guess was right.' Right here, between the 'if' and 'his' there's an extra 'it' that definitely doesn't need to be there.
#2: '[...]to be playing detective, anyways, kid.' This is pure personal suggestion on my part, but I don't think you need the first comma before 'anyways'.
And that's all I have for you! I liked this story quite a lot and am looking forward to reading more!
I completely forgot to reply to this review, but thank you for leaving it! I really appreciate the grammar tips, and I'm glad you loved my creepy supernatural man.
Heya Mage!
I’m back to review the next part of chapter three! I definitely agree with this part being grouped with the third chapter in the novel. It finishes of the chapter nicely and goes along with the topic better than it would have in the fourth chapter. So, that was a tough, but good, call. Now, let’s get into the specifics!
I just had to mention this sentence because of how wonderful it is. The imagery is absolutely breathtaking! It seems like they are having a stand-off, and have just declared themselves enemies. This was my favorite part of the whole chapter.
I couldn’t find any grammar or spelling mistakes! You did a spectacular job on this chapter. I’ll try to review chapter 4 tomorrow. I can’t wait to read more!!
VioletFantasy
Thank you for the review! I'm not sure if it was intentional or not, but any text in quotes doesn't count towards the points of the review - so you definitely want to make sure your comments aren't quoted so you can more points next time you leave one.
Exactly!
Thank you! I love sneaking this guy into the background.
Thank you again! I'm glad he creeped you out.
Thank you so so so much!
Chapter 3.3: Also known as the chapter Quinn gets herself a nemesis.