The Price of a Soul [Chapter 5.1]

The story so far: Quinn makes a deal with a demon named Azazel - who has somehow been forced into a robotic body. Three years later, Quinn is a runaway and Azazel is going by the name Issac. The two of them are traveling the country in search of the people who made Issac the way he is now, but run into a little roadblock when their newest (and best) lead is killed by a hunter.

After taking a bus to the next town over, they run into Issac's friend Bell at a hotel called Abe's Lodge. But before Quinn and Issac could get to their room, they find out about a series of disappearances that have been taking place around town. They decide to investigate the latest disappearance by going to a haunted house called Lowland Haunts.

After getting several clues, they return to their hotel room and have a discussion on Quinn's past. The last chapter ends with Issac saying that they need to go somewhere else so he can reveal a secret about demons.

Chapter 5

Quinn didn't like churches.

She assumed she had once. There must have been some version of her childhood self that liked playing in between the pews before the sermon started. Some version of her that climbed the tree outside the church in the town her family called home but was barely in. Some version of her that opened a bible and felt something good inside because she remembered the priest quoting it in a sermon she didn't mind listening to.

It wasn't that Quinn didn't like God. She liked the idea of God a lot. God was a comfort to her – a reminder that even when things got bad, there was something inherently okay with the world. If there was some all powerful deity out there looking over her, she would be able to get through whatever struggle was directly ahead of her.

And it wasn't any fault of the architecture. Churches could look very pretty, with the right kind of floral decorations and the right color of paint. She had always loved the photo that they had taken in front of the church one year after her mom had gotten the news that her latest movie had been a major hit. The white in the background had made her dark-toned dress pop. For once, she had actually looked like she was more than a doll that her mother dressed up during the rare occasions that she was home.

But churches were stifling. All the strangers that filled the pews were so eager to cast judgment. They had no problem agreeing with whatever her father claimed about her. He was the wise adult, after all. She was just a kid – she didn't know any better. She never would know any better.

Standing in front of this town's old brick church, Quinn found herself transported back to her strongest memory of organized religion. Her mom had a cold that day. Quinn didn't remember what. She just remembered somehow mustering up the courage to admit that she didn't really see the point of church. That she was uncomfortable dressing up every Sunday, that she never could get along with the other kids that went to the Sunday school, and that she didn't really want to spend her Sunday worshiping God in a strange, pristine building when she could do it from the comfort of her slightly less pristine bedroom.

Quinn had heard him raise his voice before that day. She had overheard conversations with his aides – and with her mom. She had always just assumed that it was simply the way her dad was, even though she knew that she could never act so harshly towards another person. It wasn't until they were standing under the old oak tree in front of the church that Quinn realized she wasn't immune. She could try to avoid possible outbursts – and she would, for the next few years – but the wall she thought he couldn't break had never been there to begin with.

“Quinn?” Issac asked.

She blinked and looked over at him.

The wooden, white church was replaced by a much smaller one made of brick, and the old oak tree was replaced by a young willow tree surrounded by a ring of misshapen, different-sized rocks.

And in her father's place was Issac, standing there with a concerned expression on her face. In the back of her mind, a little girl's voice wondered how Issac could be so soft now despite seeming so cold the first time they met – and why her father had been so cold when he was no longer smiling for the cameras.

“I'm sorry,” she said, giving him a smile that came nowhere close to reaching her eyes. “I...got distracted. I was thinking of something else.”

Issac's gaze lingered on her. Quinn hoped he wouldn't ask why she had paused midway up the few steps leading to the doors. She wasn't sure she could come up with an answer if he did.

Issac didn't say anything else, but she felt like she had to say something to change the subject. She awkwardly cleared her throat and looked towards the door. Before the sight of the church had really registered when the Uber had first dropped them off, she had questioned why Issac had taken them to a church of all places. Actually asking the question was exactly the distraction she was looking for.

“Why did we come here?” she asked. “Wouldn't demons...”

She faltered.

“Stay away?” Issac finally said.

She gave a little nod.

“Churches are slightly less powerful than most think,” he explained. He reached out a hand and tugged on the door's metal knob. The door opened with a loud creak; Quinn was sure anyone in the building could hear it. “They do affect some of us, but the majority of us just feel awkwardly out of place.”

The inside of the church was dark. If she hadn't seen it from the outside, there would have been no way of telling what its purpose was. It wasn't until Issac flicked the light switch that it looked like the churches she not-so-fondly remembered. There were rows of wooden benches leading all the way up to an altar at the very back of the room. Each bench was covered in cushions that didn't look soft in the slightest, and a few had hymnals and bibles tucked in the wooden pockets behind them.

Issac led her to the front.

“...So it doesn't affect you?” she guessed, awkwardly standing beside him as he sat down in one of the pews. She already knew the answer to that question. Issac was just as calm here as he always was. Even knowing that he was secretly a demon trapped in a robot's body, she couldn't shake the image of him sitting among the church's weekly visitors.

“Even if it did, this body would likely protect me from it,” he said. He gave a small, almost bitter smile as he sat down on the nearest bench. “Being forced into this body does have a few benefits.”

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
Valkyria
Review

Chapter five, here I am!

Quinn didn't like churches.


Strong opening line!

And it wasn't any fault of the architecture. Churches could look very pretty, with the right kind of floral decorations and the right color of paint.


I've been inside a couple of churches, but the last one I was in was so huge and beautiful.

But churches were stifling. All the strangers that filled the pews were so eager to cast judgment. They had no problem agreeing with whatever her father claimed about her. He was the wise adult, after all. She was just a kid – she didn't know any better. She never would know any better.


I hate adults who think kids are stupid. Kids just have a different perspective, is all. Also, I put the last sentence in bold because I think you should switch some words around.

She would never know any better.


It flows better.

“Churches are slightly less powerful than most think,” he explained. He reached out a hand and tugged on the door's metal knob. The door opened with a loud creak; Quinn was sure anyone in the building could hear it. “They do affect some of us, but the majority of us just feel awkwardly out of place.”


That's a clever twist on church vs. demon.

In this section, we get more background on Quinn and one of the possible reasons why she ran away from home. Although, I do wonder if her family reported her as missing. Her mother is a big actress, so I assume it would be in the news. Perhaps it was Issac's doing, and he fulfilled his part of the deal.

I'm really excited to read Issac's reason to be there!

Thank you for your review!

Strong opening line!


Thanks! :)

I've been inside a couple of churches, but the last one I was in was so huge and beautiful.


They really are. <3 I've been in a few (including the one I went to growing up) and they've always had me in awe with their beautiful architecture and layout.

I hate adults who think kids are stupid. Kids just have a different perspective, is all. Also, I put the last sentence in bold because I think you should switch some words around.


Same! Also, thanks for the suggestion. :)

That's a clever twist on church vs. demon.


Thank you!

In this section, we get more background on Quinn and one of the possible reasons why she ran away from home. Although, I do wonder if her family reported her as missing. Her mother is a big actress, so I assume it would be in the news. Perhaps it was Issac's doing, and he fulfilled his part of the deal.


They definitely did! I'm not sure they pushed it too much, but there was definitely an effort to find her when she first ran away. The effort's pretty much fizzled out since then, but you'll see pretty soon that it's not all that hard to recognize her if you're looking hard enough. ;)

User avatar
IcyFlame
Review

Ok, I'm back again - and ready to see what Issac has to say!

Quinn didn't like churches.

I like this as an opening line!

And it wasn't any fault of the architecture.

Not sure I'd word it this way. Maybe 'the architecture definitely wasn't at fault'? Just a thought (:

But churches were stifling. All the strangers that filled the pews were so eager to cast judgment. They had no problem agreeing with whatever her father claimed about her. He was the wise adult, after all. She was just a kid – she didn't know any better. She never would know any better.

The back and forth about churches is a little bit confusing here, possibly something that could be focused on in the next draft. I think I'm just not quite clear on what point you're trying to make with this whole bit.

Quinn didn't remember what.

Didn't remember what what?

She could try to avoid possible outbursts – and she would, for the next few years – but the wall she thought he couldn't break had never been there to begin with.

It's nice that we're getting these little glimpses into her childhood and it starts to go a way towards explaining why she might have want to leave home in the first place.

“Why did we come here?” she asked. “Wouldn't demons...”

I agree, it does seem a super weird choice here!

“Stay away?” Issac finally said.

Or burst into flame...

Ok, so not a lot happened here so not too much for me to comment on. I like the insight into Quinn and some of her backstory but I think the whole part about her disliking but possibly liking but also disliking churches could do with some polishing to make it more clear and concise.

I am intrigued as to why Issac has brought her here of all places though! What could he possibly have to tell her that means they have to be in a church?

Short but sweet, and hopefully helpful <3

Can't wait to read more of this one!

Icy

Thank you for your review!

I like this as an opening line!


Thanks!

Ok, so not a lot happened here so not too much for me to comment on. I like the insight into Quinn and some of her backstory but I think the whole part about her disliking but possibly liking but also disliking churches could do with some polishing to make it more clear and concise.


Thanks! I'll definitely tidy that up in draft two. I was basically trying to say that Quinn's dad yelled at her for the first time when she was in front of a church, so she's linked the two of them in her head ever since then.

Thank you for your review!

I like this as an opening line!


Thanks!

Ok, so not a lot happened here so not too much for me to comment on. I like the insight into Quinn and some of her backstory but I think the whole part about her disliking but possibly liking but also disliking churches could do with some polishing to make it more clear and concise.


Thanks! I'll definitely tidy that up in draft two. I was basically trying to say that Quinn's dad yelled at her for the first time when she was in front of a church, so she's linked the two of them in her head ever since then.

User avatar
MissGangamash
Review

Here sooner than I thought I was going to be!

Starting a paragraph with 'And it wasn't fault of the architecture' doesn't work. I'm guessing you're referring back to Quinn not liking churches but there's been two paragraphs in between these two statements so it needs to be reiterated, otherwise it reads like it's weirdly disconnected.

The use of the 'she' pronoun is a little confusing when talking about Quinn and her mother. When you referred to the dress in the photo, I thought you meant her mum's dress.

I can't quite follow the paragraph about her father which starts 'Quinn had heard him raise his voice...' It's the part about her wall, or lack of wall. I'm just not really sure what you're saying. Are you saying he doesn't shout at her? Did she think his outbursts wouldn't affect her? Just some tweaking is needed to make it flow better.

You refer to Isaac as 'her'.

You also use 'awkwardly' quite a lot within a small space, try to vary your language.

All in all, I'm not really sure what they're doing at a church so I don't really have much else to comment on for now. Onto the next part!

Thank you for the review!

Quinn didn't think that her dad's outbursts would affect her - he hadn't shouted at her in the past, but he raised his voice that one time. I'll make sure to make that clearer in the second draft! :)

And whoops. >>

Was there anything that you liked in this chapter? I really appreciate your critiques - I know I'll be checking your reviews again when I go and revise the entire novel! :) - but hearing what people liked in my chapters is what really encourages me to continue writing my stories. I know it's bad to always be seeking validation, but geeking out with other people about what I'm writing seems to be what helps me get my stories finished. So if you ever have something you even enjoyed just a little bit in the story, let me know! I'd also love to hear any theories you have for the plot/characters. <3



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